Next door are having a massive fight about google

I once idly said I'd like a victorian style conservatory if we had the money or the space (we had neither) and DH started having a go at me about who would clean the windows and did I even care about him at all knowing how ocd he is about Windows. It wasn't a real argument, though, as I was too gobsmacked to argue back. It didn't occur to me to worry about cleaning imaginary windows.

@SoSobored - Dad walked into the kitchen next morning saying ‘I had a really weird dream last night’. I said ‘If you dreamt your second eldest daughter said she hoped your willy fell off, that was not a dream!’

And that’s enough discussion of my Dad’s willy thank you.

Net door don't argue about google, but if I had a pound for every time I hear them yell *'HEY GOOGLE!' I'd be a millionaire . It;s clearly a miracle revelation for them as they demonstrate how wonderful it is every time they have visitors too.

Our neighbour's partner ran a microlight company. They had great rows, including him yelling at her "you don't even think about me while you're flying about up there"

Going to the supermarket with DH today and fully intending to loudly say something along the lines of "yeah remember what happened last time you xxxx" just to see if it makes it into this thread

In Ikea the other day I heard a young couple having a quiet but clearly quite serious argument, apparently they'd been out for dinner with friends the night before and the girl had been "throwing shade" at her partner and he said "THAT's why I brought up the incident with the crisps".

Sorry but milk in scrambled eggs is also an abomination.

I posted too early! @Peridot1 "I hope your willy falls off" - I am laughing so hard at these two!!

@thesheepofwallst - a dog stole a whole chicken

Just coming back to this thread.... I used to live on a narrow boat, and quite often you’d hear arguments coming from boats as you walked down the towpath (it’s sometimes quite stressful living aboard full time as a couple)

Good ones were

“If you WANTED to get to Milton Keynes by noon (on the boat, I assumed), it would probably have been a good idea not to roll a spliff for breakfast”

“It’s your turn to empty the toilet- yes it is- it’s not me that shits like an elephant”

“Where the FUCK has the dogs life jacket gone?! I’m asking you! Yes, YOU!”

Also saw two people having a barney about a lurcher that had evidently stuck his head in through the side hatch and made off with a fresh roast chicken.
Lurcher looked happy. Lurcher owner and victim did not.

DH and I once had a fight because I insisted that the male actor in a film we were watching was 'The ginger bloke from Game On.'. Unfortunately, after a good 20 minutes of heated debate, IMBD confirmed I was, in fact, talking bollocks.

DH and I have been arguing about a particular game of scrabble for 6 years now.....

I went on a blind date with an Australian bloke in London. I'm from the north east of England. I proudly told him that Captain Cook (the 'discoverer' of Australia) was born in my town. He said he wasn't, it was another, coastal town. I said it wasn't, he SAILED from that coastal town. He argued. I phoned my friend in the RIGHT town, said 'tell this plonker where captain Cook was born' and handed the phone to him.

I was right, of course.
Funnily enough, never saw him again

Laid in bed laughing my head off reading these and can hear my 5 year old shouting at her dad about not wanting butter on the toast and then next thing I hear is ' well go and show mummy because it's not all about me!' she comes upstairs and goes 'mummy I can't handle daddy he put butter on my toast AGAIN.'

i once interrupted my neighbour giving a random cat into trouble for chasing a squirrel.

When he say me he just said “I hate bullies” and went back into the house

No I'm guessing the expensive crackers sorry, giggling again, are a very sore memory of where he thought he was the business with his crackers and flirted with a visitor. He spotted them again and suggested buying them pmsl. Sorry, it's so funny. To me only obviously. She associates the crackers with this particular event pmsl. Just pms at this stage. Gotta pee

I haven’t laughed at a thread on here so much for ages!

Love the Bentley one!

I suspect what happens when he buys the expensive crackers is that he eats them all!

The Trivial pursuit one reminded me of a Christmas night playing TP with my family and DH. It got heated. Sis gets very competitive. She wanted Dad to back her up but he wouldn’t. So she yelled at him ‘I hope your willy falls off!’

My nasty neighbour shouting at his French Bulldog, calling the dog 'a stupid cunt' for barking, then saying over and over again 'you'd better get inside you fucking dickhead'! Classy! Poor dog

'yes, well, we all know what happens when you buy the fucking expensive crackers'

I've been laughing solidly for a minute because it's like something I'd say! pmsl.

Sorry, this will crack me up for days.

My old flat mate and his girlfriend had a huge screaming row at our house, don’t even know what it was about but it ended with her in the back garden trying to climb through his window and him calling 999 to report a stalker breaking in.

Even when the police showed up he pretended he didn’t know her and it took our other flatmate showing the police their joint profile picture to stop them from arresting her. Amazingly they’re still together, quite happily.

I once ruined a perfectly nice Christmas Day over Trivial Pursuit. Not unusual you’d think but I know how to make a mountain out of nothing. 3 teams, 2 with 1 wedge to go. My question for the final wedge. Answer is Hamlet. I know it before the question is answered. I love a bit of Hamlet. Everyone in the room, my loved ones know I love a bit of Hamlet. DH is my team mate and I start running through possible answers. He gets confused and starts trying to help. He’s only allowed on my team for the sport questions. Anyway game is won, we’re on the way home. He asks why I dithered with the answer. I let loose with both barrels about being gracious and not some grotesque football launching at the goal. Apparently you’re supposed to make it seem like everyone else has a chance. Went on all evening. We don’t play any more.

Gold, pure gold!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes I hear ya! These last couple of days have been pretty harrowing!

A long time ago me and DH were the talk of my brother’s party after having a huge argument about how much sun screen needed to be used on our totally fictitious, unborn baby. To be fair we were very drunk.

I stormed off and had to be bought back by my brother’s mate who I remember saying he totally agreed with me

Some of these are really making me smile - More please