How do you adjust to life as a lone parent?

I think it helps if you try and remember that there are no perfect options here when you feel guilty.
Yes the ideal is for everyone in a family to be together, and for the family to be cohesive and happy and well functioning.
But for you and me that wasn't the reality.

Yes my children were upset and affected by their parents breaking up. They still are and want us to get back together. It beaks my heart to see it.
BUT the life we live now is far less damaging than how it would have been if their parents had stayed together.
I wish so much that i could have given them that perfect situation but I couldn't and so I do they best for them that I can.
And they are truly thriving now and have a brilliant relationship with both their parents

Thank you @Wilhamenawonka I have to keep reminding myself that although I feel guilty because of the kids, it's for them that we are ending it, we don't want to mess them up.

OP you sound lovely. I hope your days have started to get a little lighter. I haven’t yet had my baby and I too am going to be a FTM. The biological father and I have been split up for the majority of the pregnancy and I’ve struggled to let him back into my life because I’m petrified of him being a part of my little family and then abandoning me again.

You are definitely stronger than you think and each day that goes by that you care for your little boy is a massive accomplishment. Making time to do things for yourself if essential and I hope you have some support IRL to be able to get some rest and you time.

I know what you mean about the loneliness, having him in my house/company for the last few months and then not really leaves a bit gap. I got some lovely and very expensive candles and chocolates today and am resting up enjoying my Saturday night. You deserve a treat too!

There are so many people here who can relate to this.
It's hugely painful to give up on the dream of it working
I've got no idea what the next few days/month's etc hold for you but I do know that you can cope and get through it. You are strong enough even though you may not feel like it
Good luck for tomorrow

Thank you @Wilhamenawonka I'm having a bit of a wobbler tonight as it's last night he will be here and the last time we will all be under the same roof as a family, we haven't argued and have been getting on ok, which I think it's what's making it worse, it's like the old times but that might be because the pressure is off. Is 100% the right decision but it's very hard at the minute, I've just taken myself away for a bath and a cry. I just feel sorry for my kids as they didn't ask for this, I planned to have them and I feel like I have let them down as they haven't asked to be born.

I was you 3 years ago.
The week before he moved out was one of the worst of my life even though it was me pushing for it.
Once he was gone though the relief was tremendous.
I had a good support network of friends luckily and although I haven't had a single night off in that time am rarely bored or lonely thanks to facebook, mumsnet, phone calls and slowly developing some hobbies.
Getting out of the house during the day is important and trusting yourself. Don't let people pressure you into e.g. leaving the kids with friends to have time off if you don't to, or being with the kids 24/7 if you need a break.
Either is fine. It's ok to hole up. It's ok to be super active to deal with it all. It's ok to feel fine now but collapse in 6 months. Or never.
You can do this. Just take time to figure it out one step at a time.
You are going to suprise yourself with how you cope

Ps good luck with tomorrow. Keep posting.

Lorddenning1 I am not sure I'm ready to use that big word 'single'! I've been on my own for about 2 months and have been on survival mode as my youngest is very small and still exclusively bf. Ex is having contact in the house so he can bond with baby and to minimise disruption for toddler. I know this is best for the kids for the moment but it's proving increasingly difficult for me. Our relationship was on the surface very good but I discovered some dark lies several months ago which are too big to overcome. It's hard to get my head round everything as the truth is still a shock and when ex is here it feels like our old happy family.

@unexpectednewstart how long have you been single? My Ex is moving out tomorrow

Can I join your thread please sittingonacornflake? I am also trying to adjust to being a lone parent, I have a toddler and a small baby. Thanks to the other posters for stories of how they got through. I know it will be worth it but it's a hard slog at the moment.

impressive that on your very first evening after your ex moved out you did some gardening! And then not long after dealt with a (friendly but uninvited) dog bounding in! I would have been .

I have anxiety and try to do self care stuff - good eating, sleep (if possible with a little one!), exercise (eg walk or yoga online). And occasionally seek professional help when have had “flare ups” and self care isn’t enough.

I really like Pinterest, have lots of ideas of little projects, home improvements, things to do, on there. May never do many of them, but still enjoyable!

With your ex be having/seeing the kids at all?

I was alone with DD from the first night she was born.

I had a t.v in my bedroom & co-slept with DD. We would both go to bed at 7pm, I know that sounds boring & sad, but the house was absolutely freezing. 6 degrees in the bathroom & about 15 degrees elsewhere.

So I used to watch t.v, breastfeed and mumsnet!

I did that for 2 years, every single night but I was so exhausted, with work I didnt mind. DD didnt have her own room until she was 3, when we moved to a proper house!

You will be fine, you are your own boss - do what you want.

Definately keep a bowl in the room, in case of sickness. Mobile charged. Local hospital number on phone. Local out of hours G.P or health centre hours & number.

A 2 litre bottle of value water (about 21p in Tesco) in case the water goes off.

Medication for both of you. Especially when baby is teething.

If you can, start putting £10 a month away for next Xmas & really treat you & baby to a big food shop. Also try & save maybe £20 a month for a weekend away next summer. Hoseasons have been great for DD & I.

Its nice to have goals and things to look forward to.

You will get through this. I promise you. I have never had a minutes help.

Be proud of yourself.

Perhaps write yourself a list of things you can do so if you are having a lost moment you can refer to it and try and snap out of it! Other suggestions, watch a movie (but actually watch it, put your phone away and enjoy the film), cooking, take a lovely long bath with salts and candles etc , house work, nothing wrong with having a drink but just avoid multiple drinks!

To keep myself occupied and I'm going to do up the house room to room, giving them a fresh coat of paint and a spruce up, I think that should keep me busy for a while and make my house lovely, can't wait for bake off

I’ve been a single parent for five years now. The first year was the toughest, but now five years on I like the situation I’m in. Im lucky that I have a job with a well above average salary and plenty of flexibility, but until by child started school I worked very part time to save money on child care and it was a bit hand to mouth a lot of the time.

My child’s father was the shouty, emotionally abusive manchild type so getting rid of him was a relief.

The evenings can be lonely, yes. I used to invite friends round every now and then, use the internet as a means to chat to people (like mumsnet), and I also joined a local single parents FB group through which I made a few single parent friends. I went to every single baby group I could find to make mum friends, luckily there are some free ones round here so I had something to do almost every day.

Make sure you get your rest - although you might not want to give your baby up for contact to your exDP right now, actually this is your opportunity to get a few hours’ rest. You need some rest to keep yourself going.

I was lucky enough to have friends who invited me to everything and I forced myself to go. Almost 3 years on I love my time alone and feel very liberated (and also that I'm living my best feminist life if that doesn't sound too weird). It's hard and tiring sometimes, DD has ADHD and never stops talking so it's very important to get some quiet time. We've just been on a three week holiday to Italy with a friend and her daughter and it was wonderful and I didn't have a single pang for my ex and my old life as my new one is better.

Before giving any thoughts, can you tell us what FTM stands for?
For me it would usually be "female to male"

I posted this a few months back and i guess its still the same situation, so i have copied and pasted,

Ok I don't even know where to start with this,,,,, bit of background info, I was brought up in the care system, violent and abusive childhood, my OH of 9 years has also had a horrendous childhood. We met through work, he was outgoing, and down to earth and we had our childhoods in common and felt like we could relates to each other. We both had good points and bad points, we are both selfish. We had a DS together and when he was 1 and a half we split up, we were going through a bad patch and both didn't want to fix it, we got on really well, remained friends and co parented ok. I went on a few dates but didn't click with anyone. We decided to get back together after a year and half apart, we promised we wouldn't make the same mistakes twice and both decided we wanted to be a family again, and got engaged. it worked ok for around 2 years and then we had another DS, he is now 1 and a half and we are at the same point t again!!! Arguing, both miserable, snapping at each other. We haven't had sex for months, there is no affection (which I'm not too fussed about as I'm not that touchy feely anway) but I can't remember the last time we snogged.
Another important thing to mention is we are total opposites, I love socialising, days out with the kids, having a BBQ with a glass of wine etc, he on the other hand is not, he loves staying at home, doesn't like to go out, doesn't drink and likes the odd bet on the horses, I think it's also important to mention his little habit, he like to smoke weed, it's after the kids have gone to bed and away from the house, but I'm still not a fan of this, it was a compromise when we got back together. Smoking weed makes him lazy and have no get up and go which is the total opposite of me and I'm starting to resent him now, which I think is the reason for the bickering.
We have been going through a bad patch lately as I feel like I do everything with the kids, the cooking, cleaning, doctor visits etc plus I work full time. It's come to a head this weeks as he decided that we wasn't going to come to a christening where I was a god parent, it ended up me going alone with the children and lying to y he couldn't come, it was left to others to help with me the pram up the stairs etc, I'm a sick of it, I looked around at the other couples and thought how together they looked and why can't we be like this.
I got him in a terrible mood and told him how unhappy I was and he told me he was the same, he is sick of my rules and always making him do stuff he doesn't want to do and he feels trapped and has no freedom, he says I have high expectations for him and he is no good for me, he feels like he drags me down and that I would be better without him, he thinks if we didn't have children we wouldnt be together and the only reason we are still together is because of the children.
I agree with this also, he is willing to stay together for the sake of the children but I am unsure if I can?

we have now decided to part ways as we both feel like if we stayed together we would be damaging our children, he is moving out on Sunday :(