To Have Murderous Thoughts About Colleague?

I think the occasional additional 'z' in the OPs post are just the icing on the cake!

That was a really good intervention there OP, kindly meant and professionally done.

Hopefully he will begin to realise he needs to be honest with you if you are both going to get what you want out of this!

"Perhaps when you're as good at the job as me you'll get a promotion too!!"

Great development. I think that should knock it on the head.

I'm choosing to believe that's not a typo and he actually said "swzing". I imagine him as the type of man who'd say "swzing"!

I'm almost positive he's blagged his way into this job and is now crapping himself. Good luck, OP.

This is the most entertaining thread Ive followed for months

Go and take a walk.

Then find your manager and negotiate garden leave so you don't end up throttling this guy. As long as they decide to keep him in the role so you don't have to wait til they find someone else...

Of course I remember, @RiceandBeans - we had such a lovely conversation about embroidery, and cooking and fluffy kittens

Oh yes, and how nice it is that our husbands really support us working for pin money, so we can buy all the shoes. How they are so good as to cook on the weekends, because working taxes our strength so much.

I’m dying at this thread! Definitely pull him up on every comment cos you know he’ll be slagging you off the second you go.

I’ve had so many people do this to me over the years. It drives me potty. I’ve learnt several responses, including the ‘You don’t say?’ wide eyed look of amazement, then the sly ‘Yeah, just like I was doing back 5 years ago. Hmm, ok.’

Bonkers bloke.

I would definitely pull him up on him telling another colleague that he's a consultant "helping you out". Does he realise it's a permanent job? He sounds like a knob, you have my sympathy.

FYI I'm not saying your spunkbubble chauvinist is a paedo, just an anecdote.

I work in a very male dominated industry and often get clients phone through to speak to someone about a job, even if it's my work they will still demand to speak to someone 'senior' (aka male) because my little oestrogen swamped brain obviously cannot tell you how long it takes to replace a fan. I also have a unisex name and the change in tone some of these guys have when they realise I am in actual fact, not a man, is extraordinary.

Correctile dysfunction 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you so much for this!

OP I’m in awe of your restraint. Keep using this thread, stay tolerant, then run for the hills! After all if he really can’t cope with the work hopefully they’ll give him the boot at the end if his probation period and one of your team may get a nice promotion.

He's panicking about you realising he's out of his depth and covering his arse in advance. Does he know you need him there to cover your notice period?

You have my sympathy. I used to work with a mansplainer too. Eventually I got sarcastic, which seemed to put a stop to it.

Of course I remember, @RiceandBeans - we had such a lovely conversation about embroidery, and cooking and fluffy kittens - such suitable subjects for our little lady brains!

What a total douchebag. I'd not be able to bite my tongue, you're doing well.

What's the worst that can happen if you do address him about his mansplaining and lack of knowledge? If you've signed a contract with the new employer, and agreed a leaving date with current employer would they really be able to hold you to the end of December if this cockwomble left?

Going against the grain here - PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CALL HIM A SHART GOBLIN

When he patronises you again, just look at him really dumb and ask him to repeat it. Then again. And again. Then say 'after all this time doing this job, I'm glad someone has finally explained'.

I did slip earlier and when he said ‘you’re actually good at this aren’t you?’ (Attempt at a cheeky, winning smile that made him look like a paedophilic garden gnome)
That made me feel a bit ill. I once worked with a creepy mansplainer who would literally bring stuff over, kneel beside me and go through line by line slowly what I had to do (despite me being there a year longer than he had and having a VERY basic data entry role!). He'd also bring my print outs and tell me 'I'm doing your job for you'. He got arrested at work one day for having indecent pictures (vom)

And, entirely coincidentally, @mansplanation was here, with me, having coffee and cake when the dread deed occurred. Honest Guv.

Yes, I can vouch for you. I joined you halfway through, remember?

he was the best

Thank you

Jeez the rest of the candidates must have been shocking if he was the best of the applicants.

He ran a business but he ran it into the ground by the sounds of it.

'Look, I"m going to give you some advice before I leave, because I recruited you and you seemed to be performing well at interview. I'm going to be straight with you, in your own best interests, because not everyone here will be as tolerant of you as I am being. I'm bearing with your lack of experience because I recruited you & I think you have potential to be quite good in this role. But you need to be careful of trying to tell other people what they already know. I understand that you're doing this because you're nervous and you want to impress me. But not everyone here will understand this & once I'm gone,, you won't be cut so much slack.. If there's anything you're unsure about, please feel free to ask me, but in the next week you should also observe how we do things here, and start to learn our procedures. I won't be here to protect you after the end of August.^'

Absolutely love this. All of it.

OP, you are an utter saint not to have murdered him so far. It's just stunning how little self awareness some people have. He sounds like a complete twerp and deep down, he knows it.

Yes good idea to ring 101. Room 101.

I think it's better to leave unlocking doors to the menz don't you?

It's ok, I'm licking the glue off post-it notes to survive. If I'm left here for too long however, I will be calling 101!