Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To Have Murderous Thoughts About Colleague?

590 replies

Mansplanation · 08/08/2018 20:34

I’m leaving my job and my replacement was hired, so I’m handing over.

Today he’s been reviewing my work over the last few months to get familiar with the accounts and when I asked how he was getting on, his reply was ‘it’s all quite good actually! I’m really surprised!’ Hmm

Later in the day, he commented that ‘you’re actually quite good at your job aren’t you?’

Then ‘well done, this looks like you planned it this way’

He also proceeded to explain my job to me in great detail. Over. And over. And over again. All the while, asking very very basic questions and eventually I said ‘yep, that’s very standard, have you not seen that before?’ To call him out on it and he replied ‘yeah I have, I just wanted to see if you knew why it’s done that way’

I DID FUCKING PLAN IT THAT WAY, IM VERY GOOD AT MY JOB AND YOU ARE REPLACING ME BECAUSE IM MOVING TO A MUCH, MUCH MORE SENIOR ROLE YOU INTOLLERABLE, MANSPLAINING SHART GOBLIN Angry

Somebody PLEASE lend me their willpower because I’m one ‘well done’ away from stapling a gold star to his fucking forehead.

I need to bite my tongue so I can leave and get to my new job but I’m really bloody struggling Sad

OP posts:
Lemonyknickers · 09/08/2018 17:55

Argh typos, sorry, too excited, can't control my pig tit fingers

Graphista · 09/08/2018 17:55

Posted when you were hiding in loo.

What on earth is he thinking in coming back?! Hope your company has good security guards as I can well imagine a twat like this getting aggro. Plus he's probably feeling pretty desperate.

Coldilox · 09/08/2018 17:55

Shaft gibbon Grin

Lemonyknickers · 09/08/2018 17:54

I just love a MN thread that you click idley click on, not expecting much and get shaft gibbon, and a well deserved sacking

TrippingTheVelvet · 09/08/2018 17:51

I can't cope with this. I'm going to have to go do the dishes to settle my nerves!

Cauliflowersqueeze · 09/08/2018 17:50

Come BACK OP!!!

What’s going ON?!!

SadTrombone · 09/08/2018 17:49

"I wonder if hes trying desperately to claim that YOU have lied about him to them because you're so intimidated by his obvious superiority?"

Thankfully because OP has handled this so well and has several witnesses the only realistic outcome were he to try this tactic would be, IMO, him being laughed out of the office.

SadTrombone · 09/08/2018 17:46

Oh my god
OP for the love of all that is good in this world do not leave the office!
I have literally never been so invested in a thread before...

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 09/08/2018 17:46

I wonder if hes trying desperately to claim that YOU have lied about him to them because you're so intimidated by his obvious superiority?

Fuck. I bet he is.

Graphista · 09/08/2018 17:46

Hope the meeting is going ok. He couldn't really get away with covering his incompetence much longer.

But then I have to wonder why you/the company would hire someone who'd failed so badly when running their own business in the same industry! Surely that's a red flag right there?!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 09/08/2018 17:46

Gutted.

Someone has already pinched ShartGoblin as a username Sad

RightyHoChaps · 09/08/2018 17:45

I've just read all of this (been laughing my head off silently whilst my LO sleeps next to me) and NEED to know what is happening in that meeting room! Let us know OP when you can!

Anniegetyourgun · 09/08/2018 17:44

Perfect. Now you have two senior witnesses who can swear you weren't anywhere near the concrete mixer at the time of the incident and they can even help you tip him in

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 09/08/2018 17:44

If he is let back in, you need to show them the companies house info.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2018 17:43

This is keeping me riveted. You can't go home now and let your followers down!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/08/2018 17:43
StormTreader · 09/08/2018 17:42

I wonder if hes trying desperately to claim that YOU have lied about him to them because you're so intimidated by his obvious superiority?

Overthinkingagain · 09/08/2018 17:42

I'm on the edge of my seat here OP, come on shartgoblin give up the ghost n have some dignity

sonjadog · 09/08/2018 17:41

Glad you told them. You couldn't leave them with him with good conscience.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 09/08/2018 17:41

I'm supposed to be at the allotment in 20 mins.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/08/2018 17:40

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH. Cross post. My belly's got tense

Come on amazing manager, do your thing

CantankerousCamel · 09/08/2018 17:39

This is so deeply satisfying. Please tel me your relationship with your manager is that in which she will share what’s gone on?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/08/2018 17:37

What a perfect outcome... You still get to go to your new job. He's gone. MN is in love with your manager. And you've given us "shart goblin"!

Has anyone nominated this thread for classics? I think shart goblin is even better than 'snapped and farted'

Mansplanation · 09/08/2018 17:37

HR man has left his desk and went in the direction of the meeting rooms, wtf? He can’t be Disputing it surely?? He’s been here 4 days!

OP posts:
TrippingTheVelvet · 09/08/2018 17:36

Don't you dare leave! I am too invested by this stage -and have just put the kettle on-