Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

@FlybirdFly I would be utterly convinced that you live in my village if it wasn't for that fact that I haven't heard about any flytipping issues (and believe me I would have in either the village 'magazine' newsletter or one of the many resident gossips) we too have a similar junction to the one at your house and we too have a parish council funded village bobby, who is also female and spends half her time dossing about and the other half dealing with dog poo complaints and the occasional spray painted penis on the bus stop.

My guess is that Dick wouldn't approve of a) this sort of cloak and dagger shit, and b) would have been appalled at the spelling, grammar, punctuation and general presentation of that letter so I doubt he'll have heard who it was. BUT as a dog walker he may be able to suggest suspects for 1)other dog walkers that use that route and may be offended by the strewn rubbish, and 2)people he's seen around looking a bit dodgy.

If your village is like mine then nobody will believe that anything so heinous as fly-tipping could possibly be committed by anyone from The Village (much like the penis on the bus stop must be done by teenagers coming over from The Town )

Are you havana good time out there Tatty?

Oh! It's hot in Cuba, I'm melting. .

I think you should photocopy the letter (not the cat sick one), then write on the photocopy 'will the writer/sender of this letter please identify themselves', then re-photocopy x 100 (population of village) and get your DC to post it to every house. That'll set the cat among the pigeons.

In other news the cat threw up on the fucking letter

What the heck was the cat doing under the fruit bowl?

It's like a live episode of Midsummer Murders. I'm loving it. Sorry OP!

Oooh, Rubber, our only village amenity is a once a week chip van too! We used to have a phone box, but that went the way of most other phone boxes. There is a once a week bus though!

Have you shown the letter to to the dog? Maybe he'll sniff it and go straight to the home of the perpetrator (as in every Enid Blyton novel ever). More likely though he'll just show you the cat.

OMFG! If the letter writer has somehow persuaded the cat to join in their campaign nowhere is safe! Get out, get out now!

Haha I love villagers-bat shit the lot of them. We get notes on our/visitors cars if we park on the road outside their house, get told off for not weeding our garden path and frequently have our wheely bin nicked and put in someone else's garden if we don't put it back immediately after emptying (because, you know, we're 60 years younger and still at work)

Very jealous of all your amenities! We get a fish and chip van once a week... no takeaways will deliver to us either...

Good morning! Think I've worked out what your bobby was up to at the creek...

You've still got a photo of it though, even if the original is a bit messy now!

Oooh just found this thread. Following, because who doesn't love a good whodunit!

This thread is fasinateing for us lot but not so great for OP

I just popped by to recommend a little light reading while the investigation continues. Nicola Barker's novel Burley Cross Postbox Theft features a village bobby (PC Roger Topping) investigating the disappearance of said article, and everyone in the village is under suspicion. Letters are quoted at length, too. I thought of it as soon as I read of your travails, OP

Are either of these your village? I particularly liked Lyminge, but also the impetsonating a police officer - who would never ask for personal details in real life.

Hmm, left field twist suggestion: How old is your DD? Are you absolutely sure she didn't create this herself one Saturday night while Netflixing Malcolm in the Middle, forget about it, and then pretend to shove it through the door on Monday, thus creating a whole week's worth of bondable sleuthing?

It's 8.30am and this thread has started my day laughing.

FlybirdFly This has all the makings of a Famous Five mystery!

On a serious note (sorry, no pun intended!) I hope you solve the mystery of the mysterious letter writer and get the fly-tippers caught!

Maybe you could take the dog on walks around the village and see if she reacts to anyone that fits the letter-writing profile??

Any chance the dog was being a PItA because the letter deliverer was nearby?

That's creepy! But you could be right. Glad somebody's alert this early

Any chance the dog was being a PItA because the letter deliverer was nearby?

Morning MN Supersleuths! And thanks Madd

Email to PC is good idea FlyBird - then you are leaving trails in cyberspace should anything go awry! All joking aside you do need to alert Julia to this. When is your neighbour seeing Dick? Although am thinking Dick might be busy at the World Cup masquerading as an England fan to covertly carry out his dodgy Russian deals at the mo!

////goodmorning///ALL
a copy of this greeting has been kept

OP, another ex villager here, your sponsored PCSO is possibly up shit creek without a paddle.
Ring 101 and log letter/missing PCSO/suspiciouscharacters in the
Fasinate of////The Slaughtered Lamb HTH....