AIBU to think that if you hate animals you shouldn't move to the countryside?

"Oh, and you can also get sheep sex dolls"

I know this because a boy at school had one

This is hilarous! My friend is a farmer and has suffered similar idiotic complaints. When they complain about one of her animals doing something like making noise she just asks them which one it was and then says no problem I will have a word and ask them not to do it again

Gerda genius!!

Shockers a flat out horse does look dead. I often approach one of mine. Calling name and thinking they are dead just for an ear to flickers when I am a foot away. They are prey animals Fgs. Best of mine teenage lads at a gate one says to other i don't know what the others are but that one is definitely a llama. She is a donkey.

This might be useful:

Buy a peacock . Noisy feckers ! And some geese

What's tupping?

Shagging.

But often (?always) the ram has a sort of coloured chalk / dye on his chest that rubs off on the ewe, the colour is changed by the farmer so they know which ewe has had a visit from mr ram and enjoyed herself.

But sometimes ewes have 2-3 colours - I feel I should explain this to OPs Mr Neighbour so he can also complain about some of the sheep being hussies.

Townie but lived near farmland and had it hammered in to me that the dog, who always walked to heal and when she once caught a rabbit sat down to lick it HAD to be on a lead when going near a field.

Didn't someone on MN have a neighbour that used an inflatable sex doll as an Xmas decoration?

That might have been me, when I was a student, but it was my flatmates not my neighbours . She sat atop the Christmas tree like an oversized pornographic fairy, the top of the tree poking inside one of her holes. I can't imagine it was very comfortable.

If I still had it I'd post it to you

My friend was reported to the RSPCA by someone who decided she was abusing her horse

Horse was out in his field wearing a fly rug and fly mask as he struggles terribly if he gets bitten by horseflies.

People are stupid

Ridiculous really. If they'd complained about the sheep pooing to me I'd have just said, "Yeah, they do that", and just stared at them till they got back in their car.

We have stupid idiots who move into our village and complain about the church bells. Church has been there since the 13th century so hardly a surprise!

Please someone start up a Facebook page and link it on here

I am not clicking on that link!!!!!

We’re fairly rural, on the coast.

We get moaning about fog horns, the coast guard helicopter and the smell of fish as well.

There was someone moaning on Facebook the other night about a farmer cutting grass at 10pm and keeping her kids awake - these moans only ever go one way, you might have a bit of a private whinge to your partner, but you’ve got to be a spectacular kind of stupid to publically post it on a community group.

Although, secretly, a tiny part of me does see the side of the church bells through the night moaners. I don’t really see why they need to chime at 1, 2, 3 etc am but they always have done and we’re used to them so I keep it zipped

I dare you, OP

I'm feeling virtuous now because although I'm a townie, I have lived in a rural hamlet for 11 years now. The farmer 2 houses along is brilliant. If he is waiting to bring his cows across the lane, he always lets us pass first. When the lane was shut for roadworks, he let us drive through his yard, saving a 5 mile detour. When it snowed, he knocked on the door to see if we needed any milk or veg and said he would be happy to send one of his lads off in the tractor if we needed anything else. He also flails our hedge for us as our garden is much higher than the lane it adjoins.

In return for all this, we give him a bottle of wine or some home-made cider as he won't let us pay him and always feel bad that he does more for us than we do for him. He says that living near people who let him get on with his job is key and the odd hour here or there once a year is worth it. But new neighbours have bought a converted barn as their 2nd home and are like the OP's neighbours... I'll pass on some of the ideas in this thread!

Some friends of a friend of ours begged to stay at our holiday cottage. We only usually let family and a couple of very good friends stay.
It's fairly close to a farm.
They went home early because:

1. They counted the tractor going past 15 times
2. They heard owls screeching at night which scared her.
3. Foxes rummaged in the rubbish bag they left outside full of chicken carcass which they forgot to put in our bin and left a mess. No shit!

People can be such stupid selfish cunts. A huge manure pile as close as possible to their boundary in response to their whinging "complaints" would be immensely satisfying (and I am townie born and bred, but have more than one brain cell and do not expect the entire world to revolve around me).
Am also a dog owner who often holidays in the countryside with my dog, and would no more walk him through a field of livestock off lead than I would walk into someone elses house and shit on their carpet.

No excuses for these bastards. Such a pity that you are not allowed to shoot the owners as well as their dogs.

Oh, and you can also get sheep sex dolls. (I know this having made a perfectly innocent mistake - searching for "blow up sheep" for the Nativity play ) Just in case you're pervy sheep-sex obsessed neighbour is in need of a tableaux or something...

OP, suggest your neighbour joins the parish council - it'll spice up the minutes even more than usual

The time I leaned out a car window and shouted, "This is real life, it's not the fucking Archers!" has gone down into village lore and is breathlessly passed on to newcomers in an undertone, even though a) it was 35 years ago and b) barely anyone in the village lived here when it happened. Did stop local townies from whining about the cows for a while, though

People are stupid.

I’m a townie through and through but my grandparents came from a long line of farmers. It amazes me how little people understand about the countryside.

I love a PP idea of counter complaints against you neighbour. Calling him a peeping tom for watching the sheep shagging. Telling him he’s upset the sheep by watching them shit etc etc.

I grew up in a village which was mostly residential now, but still had some longstanding working farms.

The residents would constantly complain about the farms. The one closest to us was apparently too noisy, too smelly, too many trucks going back and forward, too many foreign staff. When the farm kindly donated raffle items to the annual fete they were apparently bribery . Some smells would drift across if the wind was blowing your way but it really wasn't offensive.

The farm closed eventually and the land was sold to a developer, and the residents now railed against any house building, saying the village couldn't cope with more residents, whilst simultaneously bemoaning that the local shop might close for lack of custom.

The residents were particularly incensed that the developer was planning to build some affordable housing (not even social housing, affordable housing). After the residents blocked and opposed the developer, the plans for affordable housing were scaled back to the minimum and a series of large "Executive Houses" were built which they struggled to sell and were mostly sold to commuters/ second home owners, so the local shop is unsurprisingly still struggling for lack of custom.

Basically I think the residents just wanted the land to be left empty so as not to intrude on their lives at all, although funnily enough none of them offered to buy it!

Do it, come back, post picks.
Use an old raincoat and a carrot to make a flasher. Dare you. Dare dare double dare you.

how do these people get their trousers on and get out of the house in the morning
goo.gl/images/Y5MDix