Your grans classics

We used to stop at my Nan's most weekends. My eldest sister wasn't a morning person, to which my Nan would say "she's got up with the skin of her arse on her forehead again"

My amazing Nan passed away aged 90 last year. Still miss her every day. Too many memories to pick one, but she did call all babies 'maggots arse.' Pronounced 'maggits'. Presumably something to do with wriggling? She was a legend.

Goodness I keep thinking of more! I also meant to say how many things my nana said to these posts ! Are all your Nans from Yorkshire mining towns ?!!!!

She was always obsessed with catching a chill we had our neck or chest exposed !!

She used to describe men of a certain ilk as "lounge lizards" and I still love this saying

Also I've adopted DHs grandma as my own since mine died and we write to one another fairly regularly. I love her dearly. She's the opposite social class to my own nana - grew up posh in an artists commune and lived in India when it was British ruled etc. So her advise and sayings are a different spectrum but what I love is that she's equally as tactless and un afraid to speak her mind as my nana
Some examples are looking through photos with her "my dear you were terribly fat there" (was 8 months pregnant 😂)
She recently had written me two letters and references my DH father (her son) new partner as "plump". It cracks me up every time !
She has also always been one that thinks if she whispers the derogatory comment it's ok for example "she's a lovely girl shame about the (whispered) rather large chin"
I hope I haven't made her sound awful as she's really eccentric and wonderful so perhaps her great age and experience makes us more tolerant ! She has also had a terribly exciting life and I just wish that someone had taken her memoirs. You'll be talking about something and she'll say things like "well it was the same with my father when he fought with Lawrence of Arabia "?!!'n

Have loved reading these and feel really nostalgic for my Nana!
Can't help wondering if a lot of their classics were due to the era they grew up in (wartime / 60s) when things were not the same as today. And if we as grannies will have our own pearls of wisdom to impart !

Great thread! I can't really tell you some of the things my gran has said as they are rather racist!

To another lady in the village:
'You're looking good for your age, Joan. Mind, the wrinkles don't show so much when you're fat, do they?'

My Granda used to say about someone cross eyed, when they cry the tears go down their back!

''Do I look Chinese'?''

My one Nana.... Ooh you have a lovely pair of walking legs there .

My grandad was very set in his ways. Myself and ex stayed over one night so we offered to get them a take away for dinner. So I suggested Chinese food. This did not go down well at all. He said to me... 'Chinese?? I've never eaten Chinese once in all my days. Do you know why? Do I look Chinese.? No, I don't, so fish and chips will do nicely'

My other Nan never went anywhere without taking along a flask of tea and a corned beef sandwich. Even if they were going to town. She refused to pay the price of a cup of tea 'up town'. After she passed away my mum and I cleared out her house, found more than 20 tins of corned beef in the cupboard.

Upon seeing pregnant women....”Look at that woman advertising the fact that she has had sex, disgusting! “ There are no words. At least she only lived for 2 of my pregnancies.

Your friend is your pocket is another one I just thought of.
My other Gran was very superstitious and if she had an itchy hand she would send me for a lotto ticket and enviably she always won something.

I used to be a SW with elderly folk and just loved one of the ladies, whom I had helped to find a place in a residential home - she was such a character.

She persuaded the owner to let her have a parrot, and at my next visit delighted in showing me how she had taught it to say "Bugger off Bert!" - Bert was her former husband.

She used to fix her catheter bag to her thigh with a very sexy garter and delight in flashing it about.

One day in the sitting room on a hot summer's day, with lots of people sitting about, a young curate from the nearby monastery came in, having cycled there in shorts. He was a bit of a dish, and in a loud whisper audible to everyone she asked me if he was a priest; when I said yes she announced loudly: "What a fucking waste!"

I miss that lady.

My Nan lived in London and really struggled with all the changes that happened around her, especially when the area she lived in, especially (sorry!) the fact that a lot of black families had moved in. I said well that's fine Nan - No it isn't, she said, you don't understand, they are black ALL OVER (with knowing nod)! I was tempted to ask her how she knew!

"keep your hand on your ha'penny" - as above - that was one of her favourites too.

If she was a bit wobbly walking she would say "I've got a bone in my leg!" - never understood that one.

She came from Devon originally and kept her accent. She would say, when cooking a meal of leftovers: I'm cooking up the oughts - what are they Nan? - Things that ouhgter 'ave been etten, but ent!

My late DM, who died just shy of her 90th birthday after several years in a nursing home, had to be moved out of the day room on Sunday mornings (where a visiting minister would hold a service) because of her language.
When expressing mild surprise at something, her usual response was "Well, bugger me drunk!"
Not sure she really got what it meant....
And a friend told me only recently that on our wedding day, 40 years ago he told DM what a lovely occasion it was. She replied "Well, it makes a change, I suppose."

"The sights you see when you havnae got a gun"

-my Scottish gran when she saw someone (usually me as a teen ) dressed in something unconventional

Not a grandma, but an auntie of same generation.

Upon hearing of anyone who was shagging around..."[derogatory sniff] MONKEY GLANDS."

God rest her soul my Nan used to come and look after us when one of the parents went on holiday (business meant separate hols).
Ironing one day
Nan- whose pants are these (briefs)
Me - DB's Nan
Nan - where does he put his testicles?
Nan- so whose are these
Me - Mum's
Nan- Hmmph not enough to cover your fanny.

So many more she was hilarious. Women were judged on the cleanliness of their nets.
" Hmmph well she is no mrs clean curtains"

My grandma used to say "You're looking well" every time she saw me. I smiled and was quite flattered until I realised this was code for "You're looking even fatter than you did last time I saw you"...

Thirty that's so much better than 'modern' phrases like 'boobing /on the boob'!

My nan in law when I was bfing dd1 'that child's always at the dairy '

Stringandglitter/ Baubletrouble - my dad's mum was very straitlaced, couldn't imagine her having a "naughty" bone anywhere - but when we used to go up to my paternal grandparents' house to stay, I would be put in my Dad's old bedroom. It still had a bookcase in it but I don't think any of the books belonged to him (A lot of Friendship Books by Francis Gay, for e.g.) - and the full Angélique trilogy.
Angélique was one up from Mills&Boon - still very raunchy but with a side offering of murder and poisoning in the Middle Ages.
Must have been Grandma's because DEFO not Dad''s - bit of an eye-opener!!

My granny (born 1890s) once told me about a young man she'd been courting - however he'd had to go, because, 'He tried to get his hand down my placket fastener!'

Re 'getting into trouble' she used to say, 'It only takes a minute!' However she also once said, '...but sex is a beautiful thing.'

Unlike an elderly friend of my student landlady in the 60s, who told me she'd never get married again, because, 'I never did take to the upstairs work.'

Great thread. After I didn’t do as well in exams as I should have at uni she said “you’re like me, don’t sit on your arse long enough to get good at anything, someone needs to earn the money and get the tea on”

Words that get me through when I’m feeling bad about my efforts as a mother.