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Original poster

Your grans classics

288 replies

DeepFatFriar · 08/06/2018 12:37

Classics your gran has come out with?
Mine:

(When smoking by the front door):
"Come in off the street for godsake girl, you look like a prostitute"
And:
"Don't you WANT to be attractive?"

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 08/06/2018 14:25

The bare arsed to London thing means the knife is blunt.
My gran always says 'the sun is over the yard arm somewhere' meaning she can have an alcoholic drink whenever she wants!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 08/06/2018 14:25

“God you’re awful fat got” Hmm er, thanks Nana! Grin

WittyJack · 08/06/2018 14:19

Amy - my dad does that too 🙈

And it's not as if he doesn't know. He knows (my brother has explained it!).

WittyJack · 08/06/2018 14:18

I'm guessing it means the knife is blunt - i.e. You could sit on it with a bare arse all the way to London and not notice/get a sore arse from it??!

AmyLou14 · 08/06/2018 14:18

Oh and the fact she calls cupboards glory holes, so embarrassing showing her around the first flat I bought with DP. Oh that’s a lovely big glory hole you’ll fit loads in........

AmyLou14 · 08/06/2018 14:17

You’re nearly as fat as her now!
Why did you do that to your hair?
Never buy cheap shoes or a cheap bed- if your not in one your in the other.
Men these days....... a button hole in a fur coat was plenty excitement enough, why all this naked girls in the paper stuff

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/06/2018 14:14

Mine is 87 and amazing. I mentioned I was having problems with someone at work who was being a knob. She said "do you want your nanna to come and sort him out?". I'm 39 and married...

MrsJacksonBrodieTheSecond · 08/06/2018 14:12

My gma always used to say ‘I don’t have a favourite grandchild, but if I did it would be Laura.’

73kittycat73 · 08/06/2018 14:12

“You could ride bare-arsed to London on that knife!”

I don't get what that means LightDrizzle, could you explain it please? Thanks. Smile

ScribblyGum · 08/06/2018 14:10

In Luton they steal your handbag!

Said to the paramedic trying to convince her that Luton and Dunstable hospital was the best place to go for a broken hip, and not the little cottage hospital in Harpenden.

CurcubitaPepo · 08/06/2018 14:08

Grin chuckling at the idea of a knitted bra.......

Purplehammer · 08/06/2018 14:08

DGM said “It’s better to be an old mans darling than a young mans slave” when a family member married a man 20 years her senior.

Daffodildainty · 08/06/2018 14:04

Irish granny

He couldn’t see green cheese or he’d want to shite (he was quite jealous)

The dog’s as Happy as a goat a hangin (the dog’s content)

She was like a hoore at a hockey match ( that girl was overly made up)

She was beef to the heels like a mulingar heifer ( she was somewhat thick set)

Fluffyears · 08/06/2018 14:02

‘She’s got legs right up to her bum!’ I think she meant armpits, my mothers family are all 5’ and my brother is over 6’ and I am 5’9” with long legs.

StillSmallVoice · 08/06/2018 14:00

A great aunt: 'sometimes I wish I was young again. But no... glad I've got it over and done with '.

LightDrizzle · 08/06/2018 13:56

Dh’s mother, sadly long dead, used to say: “You could ride bare-arsed to London on that knife!” I love it so much I’ve adopted it.

GoldenButtercup · 08/06/2018 13:55

My nan used to say "keep your hand on your ha'penny" and then "but if you can't be good, be careful"

She also said "don't ever tell a man you love him before he tells you, keep him guessing"

She was fab.

LightDrizzle · 08/06/2018 13:54

Friend’s Grannie, said to her as we were all sat in the sitting room “Eeh! Michelle! You’ve legs like two great ‘ams!”
My grandma used to regularly mutter “Eeh! It sickens me!” as my brother and I opened our presents on Christmas Day. She also memorably broke the tense silence following my fraught mother dropping the Christmas pudding on the way to the table with the words “Eeh! I wish I’d stayed in Whitley Bay!”

Grandma’s presence alsways added an edge of danger to our already tense Christmasses.

YouWereRight · 08/06/2018 13:51

You can't hide a light with the dark.

cordeliavorkosigan · 08/06/2018 13:50

"this vegetarianism you're involved with-- does that mean not eating turkey?" (about a month before Christmas dinner)

IHateYourCarpet · 08/06/2018 13:45

My gran is a lovely lady, just erm, that teeny bit racist that comes with old age Blush

Our rabbits went missing from the garden. Mum said that they must have escaped, and they were living a lovely life in the wild eaten by a fox. But no. My gran marches round to the Polish family who live behind us and accuses them of breaking into the garden and stealing the rabbits to eat.

They thankfully took it in good humour.

She's also adamant that every good recipient is just three ingredients. I asked her the other day, "what about fried eggs?"

Her response;

"Egg, oil ... and PAN."

kshaw · 08/06/2018 13:44

Why did you have to be born with a brain in you, could have done with a hairdresser in the family

Babybearsporij · 08/06/2018 13:44

My dear departed nan used to come out with:

Arbortorium for arboretum
That'll learn ya - that'll teach you
Pack it in the pair on ya - telling DBro and I to stop doing something

AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/06/2018 13:43

Never chase after a boy or a bus. There’ll be another one along in 15 minutes.

kshaw · 08/06/2018 13:40

It's the 5th anniversary of my grans death today so I've been thinking lots of these today:

'Remember the roads' which was to tell me not to get run over

G: I don't understand how you can eat cheese but not like cauliflower
Me: I don't understand how you can eat cauliflower but not like cheese
G: cheeky bugger

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