@OurMiracle1106
I'm a minister, and I once had a funeral where the deceased had left very clear instructions with her solicitor that her family were to have no involvement in the funeral preparations. Some of them did find out about the funeral - from a neighbour, I believe - and were present. The staff at the crematorium were made aware of this, and were prepared to remove family members if they caused any trouble. They asked to speak at the funeral, and were advised that that would not be permitted. One of them did come up to me during the funeral itself, asking to speak, and I refused. They then passed me a piece of paper, asking that I read it out, and I simply put the paper in my pocket and carried on with the funeral in accordance with the wishes of the deceased.
This thread and the other one about cremations have been really helpful, I feel.
I have a few comments to make as someone who conducts funeral services, and meets with families to make the arrangements.
My first comment is that if you wish particular arrangements to be made for your funeral then it would be wise to have that made official, in writing - either with a solicitor or in a funeral plan. Unfortunately, family members sometimes, not often, make funeral arrangements to suit them which are not in accordance with what the deceased would have wanted.
My second comment is prompted by posts on this and the other thread about the timing of funeral services in crematoria and the need to have someone to "MC" a funeral. I am always very conscious of the need to keep within the time allowed by the crematorium, and I am able to do that. If you don't have a celebrant or minister with experience in keeping to the time allowed, then it can be very easy to run over. This is really disrespectful not only to other families whose funeral services will then be delayed and may have to be shortened, and also the crematorium staff who work very hard to ensure that the chapel or sanctuary is tidied and ready for each funeral. In extreme cases funeral directors or crematorium staff have to intervene and insist that a service is concluded. No one wants to have to do that.
And in relation to fees. I'm a Church of Scotland minister, and we don't charge any fees for conducting funeral services. I'm aware that some funeral directors try to charge families for my services. They should not do that for Church of Scotland ministers, and if anyone here experiences that, then please let the minister know. We conduct funeral services for anyone who lives within our parish, regardless of whether they were a church member or not. It will be a religious service, but needn't be overly, and can include poems or other readings that the family choose.
I consider it a real privilege of ministry to be able to conduct funeral services and to be with families at that time.