As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

Thanks so much! That would never have occurred to me and would work!

I have also been to a few post mortems mainly as a medical student. I am certainly no expert on post mortems, but essentially the examination is very thorough and involves close inspection and weighing of all of the main organs. This requires quite an extensive incision. In my understanding, they must use very large, tough stiches because of the need to hold the bony ribcage/sternum back together.

Even in living persons after cardiac surgery the incision site is large and obvious with big non-dissolvable sutures fairly high on the chest because they need to be able to keep the sternum closed. You will not find an individual who has had open heart surgery without a significant visible central chest scar as a rule.

In deceased persons, their tissues are not going to heal, and it's vital that everything remains neat and tidy and closed possibly for days/weeks after the PM and until the funeral takes place. The contents of the body may expand in this time adding further pressure on the sutures. So there is a reason they are large, non-dissolvable and obvious. It is not for a lack of care.

If it is any comfort to someone who's relative has had a PM, the bodies are handled with great care and respect in my experience. There are mortuary technicians who do the suturing, they also bathe the bodies after the PM. And wash their hair. I had seen quite a few bodies leave the PM in a cleaner and nicer state than they entered. They take great care in moving and handling the bodies. Dead people in the mortuary aren't alone. They have lots of other dead people to keep them company. It's very levelling. I don't know why, I just find that nice.

Thanks. So if he doesn't take out a plan, the cost will fall to me and siblings? And if the plan isn't fully paid we have to make up the shortfall?

I really don't agree with relatives having to foot the bill (not at you OP, just in general).

Fascinating thread, thank-you. My older brother is likely to die with no assets at all and lives on benefits. He has never been married/had children and parents are deceased. Will my other siblings and I be liable for funeral expenses? We are employed but not wealthy.
It crosses my mind every now and then that, much as I love him, we’d really struggle to find these funds.

Oh that is such a relief thank you Oohnarna l am very happy to hear this .

Thank you oohnarna, shrimpii and Kermit for demistifying death. I think half my fear comes from not knowing !

The Scottish Government announced this week that charges for the burial or cremation of children under the age of 18 are to be abolished. I don't know if this applies only to local authorities or to private crematoria as well. Apparently this brings Scotland into line with England (and Wales?).

I was speaking about this with a local funeral director today. He said that in the past they have always absorbed this cost - in other words, the FD paid the fees, but didn't pass them on the family as they don't charge for children's funerals.

I don't think people realise how much hard work goes into funeral directing behind the scenes. Thanks for replying.

Are the wedding rings left on the deceased OP please? l have recently lost 3 female loved ones and l chose to leave their wedding rings on them . l have heard awful tales about them being removed by the undertakers and them profiteering from the rings. I couldn't bear it if it were true but l think there is no smoke without fire, no pun intended, this really has bothered me . Thank you for being so kind to do this

A lot of people have asked about the facial expressions of the deceased.

As a very junior doctor in adult medicine, I wrote a lot of death certificates. Unless I happened to have already confirmed the death myself, it is necessary to go to the hospital mortuary to view the deceased, confirm in your own mind that they are the same person you knew on the ward and to check for devices such as pacemaker (as in physically run your hand over their chest to ensure there isn't one as you will be liable if you explode the crematorium).

I saw many patients after death, having known their facial expressions when they were alive, having know the manner in which they died. They usually looked quite different (although obviously reminiscent) of when they were alive, even if very recently deceased. It is commonplace for a deceased person's face to look "hollowed out". Sometimes the mouth is very wide open or gaping. The eyes don't always remain closed. Sometimes they may look as though they are grimacing, or frightened. It doesn't mean that they were feeling this way when they died. People's faces change in the minutes, hours, days or weeks after their death. There is no voluntary control of muscle (for obvious reasons) which can be such a big part of what makes up the character of someone's face. Muscles can become slack, or shrink/contract resulting in a grimace, or a bit of both. If you have seen your loved one's face after death and were disturbed, please rest assured that whatever facial expression they did or did not have, did not reflect their last moments.

Also, some bodies decompose more rapidly than others, even when moved quickly to the hospital mortuary (where they are chilled immediately). There may be very little a funeral director can do about this. I have seen bodies the very next day having been cooled overnight showing signs of decomposition. Sometimes it is related to the mechanism of death (eg any type of bowel perforation or sepsis) and sometimes I couldn't say a specific reason. It could be affected by something as simple as when the last meal was taken maybe? This was sometimes upsetting for me as a doctor having just known a person on the wards, let alone as a friend or relative. It does not feel nice for someone's body to change in that way but it is an inevitable part of death. I suppose the comfort is to remember it doesn't affect the person who has died.

I have a question about paying.

I'm my dad's NoK. He has no actual money saved and no property or anything, just a car and a motorbike. He thinks that selling that will be fine to pay for his funeral but obviously that takes time. Would I be expected to pay in the meantime? Or between me and my siblings? I don't have the cash and I wouldn't take out a loan for a funeral either. I mentioned to him about getting a plan as my GPs have done but he thinks it's fine as his bike will be worth enough to cover the funeral (He doesn't know how much they actually are).

I'm interested in your comment about only taking directions from one client. My dad was badly disabled and in respite care in a nursing home while my mum took a much needed holiday abroad.
He died the night before my mum was due to travel back to the UK by train. I didn't tell her immediately because she could not have got back any faster and I didn't want her to be really upset all through a long train journey. However the home needed my dad to be collected the next morning.
I knew the FD mum wanted to use and they were really happy to take initial directions from me and then take directions from mum a couple of days later.

Howlongtilbedtime in Church in Wales I believe it is free up to age 18, but could be 21. I'm not at home at the moment so can't check my documents to be absolutely sure.

Are you on call? Say for example would you collect the deceased at night if they died in the night or wait til the next day? Also if a family member wanted to view the deceased out of "office hours" would you open up specially for them? Very interesting thread op, thank you for taking the time to answer all these questions.

Thank you x