As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

Another question- I’m sure the FD talked about my grandfather needing a “liner” under what he was cremated in. (His suit) does that make sense and if so what is it and why?
Are bodies prepared differently for cremation and burial ? Thanks for answering these questions, it’s very helpful

When my FIL passed away we were going through funeral arrangements with the funeral directors. We had a pretty clear idea about what was wanted, but I get the feeling the lady we were talking to was a little shocked because things like 'do you want him shaved' and 'what do you want him to wear' were answered with 'it doesn't matter'. Would we be perceived as being uncaring?

Very interesting thread! Very few of us know anything about the funeral process..its not something that people feel comfortable discussing among themselves, except when it becomes necessary. This fact I believe only adds to the stress and fear of the unknown, adding to the pain of loss that relatives feel when a loved one dies. Wouldnt it be better if the whole process of a funeral is made available to anyone on request, by funeral directors, perhaps by arranging a tour every so often, and advertise this in the local press and in funeral parlour windows? By helping to "normalise" the procedure, this should help remove the mystery surrounding the death process, reduce the fear and prepare us for what is a normal part of life. For want of a better description!

Thank you for doing this thread, I think death is so taboo that questions go unanswered all the time.

My question is this,

My Mum died during open heart surgery, we took some comfy Pyjamas for her to be cremated in, the FD said they weren't appropriate to be used in her condition and instead they used the silk cover thing in her coffin which was fine but I was wondering if the hospital didn't close her up or didn't close her as they would have for a living patient when the surgery failed? We also donated what we could which wasn't a lot but they did take skin and tissue, was this the reason maybe which is why she couldn't wear pjs that would have exposed the top part of her chest/collar bone or would it have been something else?

Kirstyparker

I am so sorry. That sounds awful.

Can you give any advice about how to choose a Funeral Plan? What sort of points to look out for?
How detailed might a plan be, for instance including hymns or prayers?

I suppose my question is, what happens in such circumstances with regards to removal of the remains? Do you have to follow any special procedures?

@derenstar if I may bust in here. My DH is emergency services, in the case of sudden deaths eg suicide or as your mil, undiscovered for some time, the police place the remains into a body bag. The funeral director will then transport.

Someone above asked about how long a body can be kept in cold storage. A neighbour of ours still hasn't been buried 2 years after she died. The family cannot agree on who will pay for the funeral.

I lost my twin sister in her 30's a few years ago. She collapsed suddenly at home due to an illness and was on life support for 3/4 days before she agreed to it being switched off. When we viewed her in the Chapel of Rest a few days later, her face was literally changing before our eyes every few seconds. Her nose flattened then she started to look like g-force was pulling her face. I wish I had asked the FD about this at the time as they were so lovely and helpful. I'm wondering if being on life support weakened the muscles in her face? Can you think of anything which would cause this effect?

My twin was also an organ donor and briefly mentioned this to the FD in an kind of "do you need to know about this" kinda way and they said yes, it changes how they would handle the body. What would they have meant by that?

When choosing a FD I went with my gut and it was only after I realised how pleased I was that I had chosen a female, family run business as my sister was very private so it meant a lot to me that she was being cared for my women. Are you finding more women in the funeral business?

Thanks Oohnarna for taking the time to answer questions. I think you will bring a lot of peace to posters

Yeah, I’m not a fan of euphemism around death.

Can ashes be buried in a coffin? I have my daughter’s ashes at home but want them to be buried with me so it would be a double burial at the same time with only one coffin. Would that be ok? Would her ashes be checked to make sure or confirm that is what they are or would she be left alone in her urn and tucked in with me?

I’m not sure, all I remember is he told us mum was embalmed and he saw it happen. I was quite young so never questioned it. If he wouldn’t have been allowed then what did he see?

This happened to me but the FD also added, that as i was also paying, i had the final say, the FD's are piggy in the middle and someone has to make the decisions in a dispute, there is only so much time available.

I must add, that the female FD that dealt with first my partners and then my Mums funeral was absolutely fantastic, money very well spent.

What would a body be like after a couple of weeks with you without embalming (in cold storage I presume if you have the body from
soon after death?)

Having recently been through a bereavement, I'd like to know what happens to the body from when it is collected from a house until it's taken to the crem please. How do you move the body from a bed to the ambulance - in a bag or covered in sheets? And then what happens when the body arrives at the FDs? Thanks very much

I've always wondered about coffins. I went to a funeral recently of a larger lady and she had a beautiful wicker coffin. I assume they all must have a certain strength in them and lining?
Are there restrictions on the type of coffin you can have for burials and cremations? I assume woodland burials are even stricter?

Personal question - I cannot decide whether I want to be cremated or buried. Do you have a preference? My mum was cremated and dad scattered her ashes somewhere really remote so there's nowhere that I can easily visit which makes me sad.