Crematorium Technician here

@OyO

Also, is it a well paid job? I feel it ought to be.

of course you meant coffin nails

Wow that would have been a very bad first day on the job for me:

Kermit: ‘ok OyO, I’ll leave you to extract the nails’.
Me: ‘oh, erm, sure.’

@spaghetti - we had to leave my mum at the hospital for post mortem, leaving her there felt like the wrongest, most alien thing ever. When I visited the chapel of rest I held her hand, kissed her, I feel like I could have climbed in that bloody coffin with her. I just wanted the funeral and cremation over with (everything took three times as long as it was Christmas and there was a backlog) because, even though I knew it wasn’t really her, leaving her body all alone just felt awful. I’d rather have had it at home to be honest, not something I ever imagined myself feeling!

Thanks @ILoveKermit that explains why the ashes are only of one person and not of the person cremated just before as well.

Have you ever done cremations of parts of bodies?
There is a documentary about an autopsy of an obese person on BBC iPlayer and the cadaver (struggling with the "correct" words here) had one arm removed which was return to the family for cremation. Also, I wonder how much ashes would come from just an arm?

How do the ashes get from inside the cremator into the container relatives receive them in? So I understand you rake out the bones, but the other ashes that have been produced, from the coffin and skin and organs and so on - how do they get from inside the cremator?

What will my mum’s ashes look like? I’ve had them in the container we received them in for 5 years now, I haven’t been able to decide what to do with them. I now know what I want to do with them, but cannot bring myself to open the container - I’m not really sure what to expect! I know that sounds really stupid! Will it just look like cigarette ash?

Thank you for the thread @kermit , and for the respect you show the deceased. I’ve found it very reassuring. The funeral director who we worked with for my mum was an actual angel I’m convinced, he did such an incredible job and brought both comfort and dignity to the whole thing. I wasn’t in the best state to appreciate him at the time, and I certainly didn’t think about the other people involved in the process, so I want to say thank you to you now, and to everyone who works in such a very special field.

fourwe also sang his fav ac/dc(let there be rock) song as the boat went back to the dock followed by hundreds of crows.his part of his name was crow.he was a musician and avide semi pro fisherman.
kermit the pyres are done on a bald mountaintop here in colorado.the one i was at in australia was on a huge flat in the outback.

Do you know who you are cremating, like say if they're famous, or the opposite say someone from prison?

Thank you.

Me too mrjoepike I took a small amount of my late DH's ashes out to Porto with his sons and step daughter and we put them in the Douro outside his favourite restaurant. The remaining ashes were scattered up on the White Horse at Uffington where, ten years earlier, we had a marriage blessing.

almostajill
i "split"my husbands ashes ,so some could go to his favorite fishing place and some with his dog and cat/the animals died 6-9 months before him.
i felt like i had done right.
and tha'ts what you need to remember do what feels right for you.

Thank you for educating me about things I would never have a chance to know about otherwise, my mum was last to die in 2007 but wanted buried,

I had promised her I would do last offices for her with the help of a nurse (as im not a nurse) when she had passed, in the end we couldnt as we didnt know what the cause of death was so everything had to be left intact when her body was taken for post mortem.

I know the funeral director spoke and chatted to her all the way to the chapel of rest, (60 mile journey) then we took her home for a 2 night wake where we celebrated her life the funeral mass and burial beside my father.

When my brother and I stood in the room in the undertakers to choose a coffin without saying anything or looking at each other we both went over and put our hands on the same one. In the silence we both started laughing as we recalled one of her funeral requests that she wanted the darkest coffin possible so that the "worms wouldnt see her"

Im glad there are lovely kind people working in the business as it makes things a lot easier. Thank you.

Thank you so much much for this thread, I hope I have be someone caring like you at the end.

Do you get support in your role? I can imagine it could be quite emotional.

Do you have somewhere in mind for your ashes when you have be passed? (I have a particular cliff in mind, on a day with a wind blowing out to sea.)

If someone doesn't have family to collect their ashes and you scatter them in the grounds, is there someone in your team who tends to do it or do you take it turns? Do you have a favourite spot to scatter at?

What does your heatproof suit look like? I imagine you as a volcanologist in a great silvery spacesuit.

Fascinating thread OP, thank you for taking the time to talk to us about it.

I'd like to know if you need any qualifications to do your job and if it's a physically hard job (I understand it must be mentally hard)

What an interesting thread, it's about 2 weeks off the 8th anniversary of my mums death and it wasn't till a couple months ago i actually braved to look at/hold the container her ashes were put in. They were heavier than i expected.

One question im pretty sure i know the answer to but want to ask anyway, is what if one family member approaches you to ask for a small amount of the ashes separate?
My mum chose cremation before she passed as she couldn't stand the thought of insects etc eating her. My aunt and my grandmother wanted some of her ashes each to spread in their own gardens, but i told my dad in no uncertain terms i did NOT want her ashes splitting up or spreading. It comforts me to know she is all together, whole, and that i know where she is. I mean, you wouldn't cut up a body being buried to bury a part of it in your own garden, so splitting ashes feels so wrong to me. I also hate the idea of scattering as it feels like you're throwing them away, you don't know where they will end up and there is absolutely no getting them back, hence me being 100% against it.
Luckily my dad completely understood my feelings and agreed with me and refused to give some of the ashes to my aunt, despite her protesting that he could take a small amount, re seal the tub and just not tell me and what i didn't know wouldn't hurt me, and i can't forgive her for even suggesting it.
My question, would you ever fulfil this request of a family member who was not the next of kin/the one paying for the cremation, to take a small portion as a secret? I'm 99.9% certain you never would, as it isn't ethical, but i can imagine if a parent or sibling wanted some ashes and the husband/wife had refused they may appeal to your emotions and ask in desperation. It would be so hard for you to have a crying family member there who can't help their own feelings and desires to have a part of their loved one and not be the one who gets to make that call. You wouldn't be human to not sympathise with them and understand why they felt that was something they wanted/needed, but just looking for reassurance i guess that you/a colleague wouldn't cross that line even if nobody would ever find out.

So ashes weigh about the same as a newborn baby? I like that symmetry!

OyO I believe she meant coffin nails rather than fingernails.

So the powder ash part doesn't happen at all in the cremator, the remains (skeleton?) are still solid and then turned into powder (cremulated?)

Absolutely fascinating thread, thank-you.
I'll nominate it for Classics