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Original poster

MIL and her picnic hamster

380 replies

insancerre · 28/05/2018 13:39

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 30/05/2018 17:59

My ex MIL,

On the occasion of a wood pigeon coming down in our garden. My FIL helped him back off by launching him into the sky (fortunately he flew!)

My MIL laughing explodes with 'Oh my! He thought he was in a ejaculator seat!'

speakout · 30/05/2018 17:58

I overhead my mother having a conversation with another family member about my niece.
Niece had just given birth to a much awaited child ( due to conception difficulties) - my mother said " she was so lucky to get HIV"

IVF I presume she meant

Biblio78 · 30/05/2018 17:53

My mum told everyone that I had contracted "ghengis" fever in Mexico many years ago...like ghengis khan...family and friends thought I had some rare disease.
It was dengue fever Grin

Milkmaestro · 30/05/2018 17:52

These are hilarious! My mum once ordered 'Nachos the 5th' in a restaurant- it was Nachos (V) to indicate a vegetarian dish 🤣

froomeonthebroom · 30/05/2018 16:07

MIL thought boursin cheese was pronounced bour-skin. I eventually explained what i was laughing at.....It is now always referred to as foreskin cheese in our family.

SofieMonde · 30/05/2018 15:48

Was once asked to move me yaris :)

Knittedfairies · 30/05/2018 10:35

An ex-colleague’s sister was at a meeting which was interrupted by the receptionist popping her head round the door to ask the owner of the ‘bright red Vulva’ to move it, as it was causing an obstruction.

whywontteenswearcoats · 29/05/2018 22:46

My mil used to call Peugeot cars peg-outs, which was unfortunate as she drove a peg-out 306. We gave up trying to put her right.
While driving through loads of roadworks with my DM she suddenly demanded that I pull over. I'm in really slow moving single lane traffic with cones all over the place so asked why, "because that sign said now read the layout" she replied. No mum, it said new road layout.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 29/05/2018 19:55

@Hippobottymus ShockBlushGrin

Hippobottymus · 29/05/2018 19:53

At a friends 16th birthday party and my cousin is talking to our friends parents. Her dad says "our dd seems like she always has a Duracell up her arse" (meaning she's always got lots of energy) and my cousin replied with "I doubt she's tried anal yet" thinking he'd said durex BlushGrinShock

Ataloss2567 · 29/05/2018 19:53

Also had a school friend whose Gran bought her some knickers with a cat on that said ‘nice pussy’... we were 16 and she couldn’t forgive out why we were laughing

Ataloss2567 · 29/05/2018 19:51

Older lady next door told us she couldn’t go to France ever again on holiday because she had spent the whole week being plagued by midgets and they had bitten her all over........
(midgys)

ALongHardWinter · 29/05/2018 19:49

CollinsVeryJolly Grin. Sounds like the sort of thing my late DMum would have come out with!

ALongHardWinter · 29/05/2018 19:48

A woman I used to work with came out with some good ones. The ones that spring to mind are:-
She gave a facetious address' (fictitious).
He can play an autistic guitar (acoustic).
I had some chocolate portfolios (profiteroles).
A Shillelagh is like a small guitar (ukelele).

ColinsVeryJolly · 29/05/2018 19:21

My nan once asked a waitress for some foil to wrap up her leftover chicken
"so my pussy can enjoy some meat later too"

EllenJanethickerknickers · 29/05/2018 19:11

OK, I was reading out some of the pearlers in this thread to DS3 while cooking tea. It's his job to lay the table. I was assembling the chilli wraps and discussing whether they needed knives and forks when DS decided 'No, that's a hand job!' And almost instantly realised what he'd said. Well, he is 15...

Original poster
insancerre · 29/05/2018 19:03

Yay, made it to classics
😁

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/05/2018 18:59

Avondice Grin. Now that did make me laugh. Brilliant...

Cupcakey · 29/05/2018 18:24

A friend of mine on getting her new car... it an "Aldi" 😂 we still
laugh now

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/05/2018 17:57

Lol wasn’t complaining.....definitely a joke there though

MrsGrindah · 29/05/2018 17:47

Apologies for lowering the tone

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/05/2018 17:40

Within a few posts we went from stuffing to pussy....

MrsGrindah · 29/05/2018 17:20

My ex MIL was obsessed with her dog Roger and used to talk to it all the time. I’m more of a cat person. One day the gig wouldn’t leave me alone . She said “ Oh what’s up Roger? ! Can you smell Grindahs pussy?!” We had to leave the room

SistersOfPercy · 29/05/2018 16:58

We've always called them 'Destructions' as well.

When DS was small he called his dressing gown a dressing down and used an 'Umzebra' in the rain. We think the latter was a him getting confused between an Umbrella and a Zebra in his flash cards.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 29/05/2018 16:51

@KarinVogel I'm in the hairdressers and you're responsible for my first ever "spat my coffee out" laugh.

BlushBlushBlushGrin