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Original poster

MIL and her picnic hamster

380 replies

insancerre · 28/05/2018 13:39

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

OP posts:
pollymere · 31/05/2018 09:33

Mine uses wanky. It's like wonky but more for things that are broken or cheap.

hussherbye · 31/05/2018 09:33

DS aged about 4 was fiddling about in his pants, I asked if he was ok and he said "sometimes my willy gets stuck to my tentacles " 😬

MistyReturns · 31/05/2018 09:23

I had a lovely clematis but was always very conscious that I may accidentally call it a clitoris. So I thought I’d be clever and use the variety name instead to avoid my blushes. The first time someone admired it I proudly announced “oh yes. I do love my Morning Glory”

Icanttakemuchmore · 31/05/2018 09:12

My exmil once moaned about the battery in her fire alarm. She was disgusted that the battery had gone dead and she hadn't even had a fire!

chicazteca · 31/05/2018 08:53

English is my 2nd language. Eating sushi with my DH, SIL and BIL. Pickled ginger comes in a pink-ish layer and I announce that I'm not interested on any of that "pink shit". I meant to pink sheet. Blush

PixieN · 31/05/2018 08:37

Peter Kay’s misheard song lyrics makes me chuckle Grin

m.youtube.com/watch?v=u97o1dN4KvA

Studentwife · 31/05/2018 08:25

My great aunt went into Sainsbury’s and asked for a pack of Durex batteries!

The same aunt told one of my grandfathers army friends that her father grew penisis in his garden, she meant peonies!!!

She was one of the best. God rest her soul.

BillywilliamV · 31/05/2018 08:10

Reading through some of these.. quite educational . I thought the "Feels" song was about fish and that "Burn after Reading" was about a town in Berkshire.

Thanks Everyone!

BillywilliamV · 31/05/2018 08:03

In our family we still talk about a situation as being "Utter Kiosk" (chaos) after asaying by one Aunt, it has entered the family lexicon. Another aunt informed her divorce lawyer that her husband had made her wear a black leather basset! (basque)

This is terribly outing if either of my sisters are on here Grin

sussexman · 31/05/2018 07:57

momento - perfectly reasonable. en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/momento

BillywilliamV · 31/05/2018 07:56

My eldest insisted they were playing poker at after school club. I thought "Goodness, is this a thing? Would I be a bit precious if I mentioned it?" She was 6!
It turned out that there was a pool table which the ladies at after school club refered to as "Snooker" DD thought they were poking at the balls with sticks, makes sense..

WilburIsSomePig · 31/05/2018 07:46

A friend refers to the stuff she buys on her holiday as a " momento".

Oh god so do I! I've referred to momentos for years, is everyone just thinking I'm a twat? 😁

Mmmmdanone · 31/05/2018 07:41

My mil was admiring my hair, so I told her about my new hair semen. SERUM! I mean serum!!! Oops

AsAProfessionalFekko · 31/05/2018 07:35

Mum announced loudly on the hospital ward that dad was in for a 'genital issue', she actually meant to say congentital issue.

ememem84 · 31/05/2018 07:32

My mil went to a French cafe near her place in nz the last time we were over and ordered a gilet. The waitress looked confused. Mil insisted it was a gilet. Asked the girl if she’d ever been to France. Mil used to live near us (Channel Islands) so we’d go to France for a weekend frequently. Poor girl didn’t have a clue until mil told her they were like a pancake.

A galette. She meant a galette. Not a gilet.

I now wear my galette horse riding in the spring and enjoy a nice gilet from my fave cafe in st malo when I go...

AnnaBay · 31/05/2018 06:37

preggersteach GrinGrin

MITCHELL33 · 31/05/2018 06:20

Took my 76 year old mum to the doctors to discuss a recent ECG mum started on about how she was itchy in her public [pubic] area "I wanted the ground to swallow me up".

123MothergotafleA · 31/05/2018 05:36

A neighbour reported that she was being treated for " flea bite us" (phlebitis) and that she was now off to "Asda's " for her shopping.

123MothergotafleA · 31/05/2018 04:52

A friend refers to the stuff she buys on her holiday as a " momento".
Another one calls a quiche "a queesh".
And yet another told me her husband was cooking a " rag out" ( ragout) for dinner.

Bettyfood · 31/05/2018 04:28

Had never heard of the er, "hole in the wall" definition of glory hole before reading it on this thread and looking it up. I have never used the phrase though!

preggersteach · 31/05/2018 03:56

I had cleared out our small bedroom that had become somewhat of a dumping ground. My mum comes into my house and said it was good to see I'd tidied up my glory hole! She then went on to tell me what she keeps in her glory hole. Could barely breathe!

rjgraham · 31/05/2018 03:30

My gran says "ask Mr googles" as a combination of ask jeeves and Google if she wants something checked online. Online which is "the doodley-do" and no she's not related to Ned Flanders of the Simpsons.

fullerhouse · 31/05/2018 02:05

My nan told the whole family that my cousin had called her new baby boy bj 😂 she was insistent on it, when she’d actually called him tj. Funny thing was my poor mum had to explain to her why we all found it so hilarious

JumpingFrogs · 31/05/2018 00:12

Reading through my 9 year old daughter's environmental week project, there was a whole page about the toads porn she had found when pond-dipping.

JumpingFrogs · 30/05/2018 23:53

My mother-in-law was trying to describe her medical symptoms (which included extreme tiredness) to a very nice volunteer from Age UK. Instead of explaining that it wasn't narcolepsy she said "It's not necrophilia, you know"

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