MIL and her picnic hamster

Dare I ask what a 'rug muncher' is?

Mine loves a nice cold glass of proscuitto. Never sounded that appealing to me.

For years I thought the bit in the You're Still the One song was 'just look at a scolded nun' not just look at us holding on. Important to note it was scolded, not scalded. That would make even less sense.

Not MIL, but as an older child struggled to control myself when my mum's friend (a cat owner) was sitting in our living room, struggling to keep our jack russell dog off our lap and declared "I think he can smell my pussy".

I kid you not my DM (we're having a couple of days with them at the mo) was literally asking me about some blood test results and knowledgeably said "Well of course you're at an age now where your hormones go all erotic!" Think she meant erratic...

I'm laughing at so many of these. Fantastic thread.

My MIL, who is lovely but not particularly worldly-wise, asked for hash brownies with her cooked breakfast.

My nana painted her living room with some durex paint 😆

My late dm (bless her soul) was on the phone trying to book a tv engineer to come out as the meter was full and she couldn’t get anymore coins in.
“I keep jiggling it about to no avail” she said, exasperatedly. “It’s enough to drive you starkers!!!” She couldn’t think why we snickering.

Jolinda my MIL calls a gazebo a ga-she-ba with particular emphasis on the 'she'.
I can't even...

A very very straight laced and easily shocked acquaintance surprised me one day by telling me she’d been a twat. I had to tell her as tactfully as I could that this was not, as she thought, a variation of twit.

@restingbitchface Imagine if you had lived in Whakapapa or Whatipu
lol

Before emailing was wide spread I used to live by Lake Wanaka in New Zealand. The first letter received from my MIL was addressed to me in Lake Wanker, South Island, New Zealand!
The postie had a good chuckle.

Loyaultemelie I've always called the cupboard under the stairs a glory hole until we were moving house and the removals men came to start packing up. I took him down to the cabin in the bottom of the garden and he exclaimed that there was a lot more packing than he was expecting and it was going to take him longer to do. To which my response was "And I haven't even shown you my Glory hole yet!"
Well you can imagine the look on his face!!

Not MIL but next door neighbour was telling us how she had just been down to the Co-op and bought a brand new Gazebra. Without missing a beat my husband inquired "was it a stripey one" ""No, plain green" HOw we kept a straight face I do not knwo but to this day we still call stripey gazebos Gazebras!

My great gm was very proud of her dildo rail.

One of the biggest selling points of my DPs house was the glory hole, DM NI born and bred didn't bat an eyelid DF from a prim Anglo-Scots background dissolved in kinks to the EA's amazement.

Our car has a towball (farmers) and in a car park a lovely old lady (not ageist just fact) reversed out of the space beside us but somehow in turning drove straight on to it and got completely stuck, asked DH to reverse her car but he didn't want to in case he damaged it but did manage to nudge ours forward up the kerb "ooh that will teach me to avoid men with ball cocks" I thought she was joking but her face didn't change.

My aunt was horrified to hear a song on the radio credited to ‘the little micks’

‘A novelty Irish group I assume? I thought we’d come further than that. It’s not much better than blacking up’

have you seen your father's cock? Isn't it lovely? has actually got me crying with laughter. Honestly, just so, so funny.

My DD1 used to call dalmations dogmations when she was little. She could also never say dominoes. She always said donimoes. She told me recently (she's 19 now) that she still can't say it. I said 'but what if you need to order pizza?' 'Papa Johns'

My mum told my baby dd to "stop being a little rug muncher" when she was chewing the rug on the floor.

My sister and I had to explain why it was so bloody funny.

Mil saw a poster up for the Pr*digy (symbol instead of the O) and asked "who's P.R. Diggy?"

Last weekend was out for meal with father & mother in law. Father in law nipped to the loo a lady came over and asked if the empty chair eas free MIL said yes not realising and father in law had to stand up and eat his meal. MIL still not forgiven but made me laugh

Hilarious.

A pillock is an idiot.

My mum told me she will be wearing a thong on the beach when she goes on holiday as it gives her a bit more confidence in her body at her age. She wanted my opinion so went to try it on....I cannot explain my relief when she returned in a sarong!

According to MIL, GMIL has wolverine to help with her heart disease

She's been told several times wolverine are small bear-like animals, or a fictional comic-book character, and not blood thinning medication, but she refuses to believe us.

@BillywilliamV something like this??

‘Last time I tried to do it I ended up slipping in your brothers back passage and got covered in crap’
My mother describing her previous attempt of walking the dogs by herself.