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Original poster

MIL and her picnic hamster

380 replies

insancerre · 28/05/2018 13:39

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 17/06/2018 10:44

DS announced that he'd given his lunch box a sense of irony.

(We eventually worked out that he meant a sense of identity. If I were a lunch box, would I emote over my identity crisis? Discuss. )

Flowerpotbicycle · 15/06/2018 19:02

My 3yo DS informed me he’d had roast beast and potatoes for dinner at pre-school 🤣

Martinimonster · 14/06/2018 22:57

My mum told me about the time she got stung by a jelly baby at the beach.

PrettyVacant1 · 13/06/2018 06:03

An elderly relative was very concerned that if she were to fall asleep during the day, the window cleaner would not be able to arouse her when he called.

Whackytaco · 13/06/2018 05:00

Olga that reminds me of my mother. I asked her where the neighbour's daughter and new husband were going on holiday. She replied "oh Guantanamo Bay I think, one of those places where everyone's off to lately."

She meant the Maldives Confused

0lgaDaPolga · 12/06/2018 21:02

Mil once expressed great concern that dh and I were going on holiday go Biarritz as it was very dangerous. After several minutes of confusion we realised she thought Biarritz and Beirut are the same place Grin

DewDropsonKittens · 12/06/2018 15:13

My mum has had a couple of funny ones,

She told me my Aunt has a case of jaunders, upon my confusions and further questioning my Aunt actually had jaundice

Another time, she asked me if I have ever tried muse a lie
I told her no and asked what it is..she described it and i realised she meant Muesli Confused

Lucisky · 12/06/2018 14:46

My oh's father, who is 91, suffers from, according to him, gluecoma, prostrate cancer and arthuritis.

AdaColeman · 11/06/2018 10:43

Back in the days when almost all day to day transactions were with cash, you quickly acquired large amounts of small change, and "shrapnel" was a frequently used colloquialism for a handful of small coins. Smile

Pigeonpresent · 11/06/2018 08:54

My mum was short on cash to give to an old man selling poppies so she said “you don’t mind taking a load of shrapnel do you?”

FrizzyMcFrizzface · 10/06/2018 17:21

When exDH and I had just come back from a long haul flight, exMIL piped up, “You ought to be careful in case you get one of those DVDs in your legs.” Grin

Oddcat · 09/06/2018 18:56

We were visiting elderly relatives and were invited to watch the big tits in their garden Grin Great tits uncle Ted , the birds are called great tits.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 09/06/2018 18:19

My mum was ringing me to get instructions to pass to my dad to help get his printer and computer to connect.
I asked if the printer was on his desktop, she said no, it's in the windowsill! I had to put the phone down.

yawning801 · 09/06/2018 17:56

Ohh I've remembered another from a friend! Instead of saying "Doreen's having her Soreen" she said "Maureen's having a sauna!"

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 09/06/2018 16:43

Germalon goes on grazes according to my DGM. Savlene doesn't exist though.

NoughtDegreesNought · 08/06/2018 10:13

At a family wedding, my DH (not a native English speaker) congratulated my DSis on her "lovely tantalizer"

Sennelier1 · 04/06/2018 11:36

My FIL wondered if his compact-camera had more pickles than mine. Mine had pixels.....

Underconstruction · 03/06/2018 11:24

After borrowing my Mum’s glasses to read an information board, my Dad turned to some old ladies next to him and announced “Marvellous things these Tesco testicles”. Spectacles, obviously.

YearOfYouRemember · 02/06/2018 19:42

My Nana told me her son's driving was rather erotic.

I suggested she meant erratic and she was rather put out at the correction Grin.

Pinklady1982 · 01/06/2018 23:18

My nan asked if she had blue teeth on her phone Grin

MarklahMarklah · 01/06/2018 22:54

Jelly it's a somewhat derogatory (or sometimes jokey, depending on your friendship group) term for a lesbian.

weasledee · 01/06/2018 22:21

Oh I've got one!
Mums friend was talking about one of their mutual friends, telling my mum "she'd found out she was is a glutton!"
What she meant was the friend had found out she was gluten intolerant, not greedy Grin

resignedtoresigning · 01/06/2018 21:15

Where I used to work we had a very prim middle-aged religious lady in our team. A chap in the team brought in a load of fruit one day. We're all running late for a meeting, someone says 'come on Susan, hurry up'. She responded 'Just got to go and wash my hands first, they're all sticky from handling Bob's plums. We howled. And then had to explain to her why it was funny.

YearOfYouRemember · 01/06/2018 21:05

I once twice said my dc was a cannibal as they liked sausages…

YearOfYouRemember · 01/06/2018 21:05

I don't get the jam making the MIL wet