MY HUNKY HOLIDAY MAN WAS A LOVE RAT ROTTER PART 4.
'Back at home in my three-bed semi in Foolsrush Street, County Durham, I couldn't stop thinking about my hunky man. I'd left my heart and my newly-ignited loins back in Turkey.
Even a trip to the bingo couldn't cheer me up, and my family were less than supportive.
'For God's sake mum!' My daughter Desiree, 37, spat. 'It's disgusting. He's only after one thing and you know it!'
Couldn't she see it was more than just what was between my legs Aslam was interested in?!
Enough was enough, I vowed. I sent a text to Aslam 'Sweet Slam, I need you. My gout's playing up so I can't make the trip to you, but you can come to me'.
I then put on my coat and went out of my front door. I hopped on the bus and asked for a return ticket into town. There, I ventured to a small shop with a bright yellow sign on the door. I punched in my card number and £3000 weaved it's way across the seas to my love. I then got on the bus and returned back home, excitement fizzing inside me.
I felt a glow when I imagined the slap-up meals we'd share, the trips to the bingo, nights in front of The Chase with a packet of biccies or giant toblerone. And of course, nights where hands would wander and we'd rekindle our shish-hot romping.
In time, I traveled to the airport to meet a familiar face. I spied some familiar Ferrero-Roche eyes and sasayhed over to their owner. We embraced, and left the airport together.
Back home, I popped on my sanitary-pad slippers (I had lots to make use of after I'd been through the change!) and set to work making him a slap-dinner of Fray Bentos steak and kidney, onion rings and potato smiles. But Aslam seemed a little distracted. The next think I knew he was on the kitchen floor! 'Dawn, my hit woman, ever since you leave I have throbbing ache in my meat parts to be by your side once more' he said. 'Make me the honour to be your husband until your death'
Well! He didn't need to ask me twice! I let him slip the onion ring on my finger and beamed my 'yes'. Then we went for a cheeky early-evening bonk.
We were married by the end of the week. I slipped a beautiful my cream m&s and had my locks set at the hairdressers. Aslam wore a Paul Smith suit he'd had his heart set on from House of Fraser. With two witnesses we'd pulled out of the Mecca bingo, we were married. Aslam didn't have a visa yet but he'd managed to get hold of all his necessary documents just in time. It had cost £10,000 to pay his friends from the kebab shop to get them but what the heck!'
(This is not the conclusion I promised but I have to go out tonight 😂 I'll do the rest ok the morning. Material very welcome!)