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BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

705 replies

HarrietKettle · 22/02/2018 16:15

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

  1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

  2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

  3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding Confused

Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?

OP posts:
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itsBritneyBeach · 09/08/2018 15:15

😂😂😂 "still 41"

CatkinToadflax · 09/08/2018 10:05

Mumsnet THREAD causes MAJOR plumbing EXPLOSION

MNer Catkin, 41, of Average Cul-de-sac, Seaside-Town-By-The-Sea, read this thread. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Uncontrolled guffawing made her belch. She turned to her hunky partner, blue-eyed Mr Toadflax, 41, who still has all his teeth. "Love", she said, "have you ever read anything so hilarious as this thread?" Mr Toadflax, still 41, said "no comment".

EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr and Mrs Toadflax have contacted us to confirm that actually nothing exploded.

PicklingGherkins · 05/08/2018 18:47

Gutted that the "my sister turned up to my wedding in a bridal gown - but the real surprise came on honeymoon" turned out to be a double wedding with no discernible surprise on the joint honeymoon.

PicklingGherkins · 04/08/2018 11:00

I've bought "that's life" today for my weekend fix of misery porn.

GKite · 02/08/2018 20:42

There's one in the mag chat I think it is,
"I gave my baby girl away" she was an egg donor and the couple happened to have a girl. Whereas magazine wifey only had boys
🤷

iheartjaffas · 02/08/2018 12:59

@itsBritneyBeach I read another one titled 'SHOT by my husband and 5 months pregnant' turns out she was accidentally shot by hubby when he was cleaning his rifle Confused

itsBritneyBeach · 01/08/2018 00:21

@iheartjaffas in the one I read last week there was "STRANGERS were raising MY baby girl... and I was delighted"

Turns out she was an egg donor Grin I love the misleading titles

iheartjaffas · 01/08/2018 00:13

One of the funniest headlines I ever saw in my nan's TAB was 'Porridge blew up my house!' Grin the woman in the story put her porridge on the stove and there was a gas explosion!

Brainwaves has to be the best for featuring crap weird ideas, recall seeing one once where this lady liked to put those colourful pan scourers on her Christmas tree as decorations instead of baubles Hmm

toffee1000 · 31/07/2018 05:42

Something else I’ve noticed... people are always saying “See” in the stories.
Example: “I do xxxx and yyy. See, I’m a zzz”. If that’s clear. I’ve never heard it IRL, only in these mags.

captainpantbeard · 28/07/2018 21:27

takeabreak.co.uk/your-brainwaves/articles/re-boot

They’ve still got the bloody tags on!

frogface69 · 26/07/2018 03:44

Too tired to sleep, this is the funniest thread ever !
Oh yes
Mrs Lodge
Mrs M. Lodge
Mrs Melanie Lodge
Mel Lodge etc etc
Had letters, tips etc in all the magazines nearly every week for years. She was my neighbour. I fear the laws of libel and my lips are sealed.

toffee1000 · 26/07/2018 02:06

GrinGrinGrin

itsBritneyBeach · 26/07/2018 01:59

Saw this one and it's too great not to share.

A real "talking point" Grin

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
toffee1000 · 21/07/2018 05:51

I also remember there was this short-lived new mag called OMG! (yes, really) that was basically the same thing. The only thing I remember was this story about a woman who got stuck in her bath.
I’m going on a long train journey tomorrow and am half-tempted to buy some of these to while away the time.

toffee1000 · 21/07/2018 05:34

There was one story where the kids all had double-barrelled first names... Poppy-Mae, Daisy-Mae and twins Toni-Rae and Tilly-Rae.
Nowhere near as bad as Jabba, though.

GKite · 18/07/2018 19:33

Another misleading headline......
She stole money from her employers and used that to fund IVF which she had twins from 🤣

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
birdinatree · 08/07/2018 07:47

Someone we worked with left to work on one of these magazines and regularly asked us to be featured when they struggled to find (make up) enough stories to fill the mag.... cue various team members appearing in the mag as 'troubled housewife' etc Grin

cherrytrees123 · 06/07/2018 19:58

This is hilarious.

What about the DM type of journalism in which every woman is 'flaunting ' herself or 'showing off' even when she is walking down the street in trackie bottoms. Snide insinuation and hyperbole.

arranfan · 06/07/2018 19:52

one woman (forget the story now) gave her kids j-names
So many other j names... Like jabba....

I'm not the only reader of Spongeface's cutting (above) who is hoping Andy and the letter writer now have a 6th child whom they've named Jibber? Or that the J-namer has obliged? Because who doesn't want to read, "Jibber, Jabba"...

Flatwhite32 · 21/06/2018 22:36

@toffee1000 the TAB tips are comedy gold! I read one years ago which involved ripping out the black tape from a VHS, and using it to make an attractive 'screen' in your house if you had an empty doorframe.

darksideofthemooncup · 21/06/2018 19:36

Not. A. Clue Gummy Goddess. It'a a thing though apparently!

GummyGoddess · 21/06/2018 19:22

@darksideofthemooncup How the fuck does sticking a paper bag over your head improve your sex life?

darksideofthemooncup · 21/06/2018 18:20

Oh god merry marigold, I am howling at that thread. I might scream in my cats face in the minute as he is so cute GrinGrin

darksideofthemooncup · 21/06/2018 17:56

Many years ago I was perusing a copy of 'Love it!' Magazine and there was an article on couples that improve their sex life with 'bagging' which is putting a brown paper bag on the head of your partner. On closer inspection the chap in the article was an ex-boyfriend of mine. I initially recognised his tattoos. It was both hilarious and horrifying in equal measure.
I still giggle about it, he was RUBBISH in bed, maybe that's why they chose to indulge in something so weird and random Grin

toffee1000 · 21/06/2018 17:34

I succumbed and bought a copy of TAB. This week’s top tips include using a bath lily as a fascinator, making a funeral wreath out of vegetables, and sticking a Chanel gift bag to a wall.
You can’t make this crap up.