BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

My DH has just come upstairs and with a look if concern in his warm brown eyes shyly asked" you never told me you could Fart and laugh at the same time."
For the last 20 minutes I have been biting the duvet and farting turning beetroot. I actually had to stop reading.
Oh good Christ.
I lived My Operation and my greatest disappointment in life is not having anything dramatic enough to write in about.

I used to make up stories and sell them to mags like this for some money at uni. I give you...
My Bible Class turned into a SEX CULT! (complete with pics of bikers holding up a dead chicken)
He turned himself into my HUSBAND!
Dole office found he was a DANGER!!!!

I used to write the porny stories for more! as well.

Sorry, should be sat down on the loo

"I gazed into my partner Steve's eyes as we sat down to out romantic Chinese takeway set meal for two in my flat in Brighton, and then suddenly felt a weird popping sensation. MY BOOB HAD EXPLODED!!!"

"I was in the middle of basting the Christmas turkey when I felt a funny feeling in my tummy. "Must be the dodgy vol au vents at the neighbour's Christmas Eve party last night" I thought. I satdown and the loo and SCREAMED! I had not even known I was pregnant!"

Take A Break is like a Big Mac Meal. Trashy and full of junk, but every now and then you just WANT one.

They have ‘broods’, not just fuckloads of kids. Writers throw in grubby details like ‘he pushed the Argos ring over my finger, we kissed, our tracksuits brushing together’

I'm crying

"...I couldn't wait to show Wayne and Debbie my ring, so I quickly tied my dressing gown and went to their house. Debbie was so shocked, her roll-up fell out of her mouth."

I smiled as I watched my brood rampage round the kitchen before the drudge of the school began again. Kelsii-roze 21, Kevin-Michael, 20, destinee-Rae 19, Demi-Demi 18, Chelsea-Maee 17, Gracie-loo 16, Ruby-grace 15, Ruby-ruby 14, Kai-Mckenzii 13, Saffire-Boo 6, Diemund-bub 5, Jayden-Jo 4, Makayylah-goo 3, Nevaeh-heavenbackwards 2, Hunni-Roo 1 were my pride and joy. Brood. By Michelle Smith, 33.

I would love to get a copy of TAB right now!

My mum used to let me read her copy after she had finished, but I was supposed to skip the pages where she had folded down the corners as they were "unsuitable"

"I splashed out on posh Harvester meals"

"though I was nearly thirty, I hadn't let myself go."

I’ve bought two on my way home

@YassQueen

Fabulous! Especially the names

Yes! I have found my people. A friend and I used to take it in turns to buy Love It which is my shit mag of choice, I wonder if they still sell it.

Absolutely howling at the moisturised woman who swallowed a toothbrush. That is not true... surely? Was she perhaps having some back door toothbrush activity, got it stuck and this was the excuse she gave the doctor... I haven't seen the x-ray though

Always makes me laugh when they say 'In time I went to hospital to to push my beautiful baby Chardonnay-Mae into the world. We then returned to our home at 24 any street, any town"

We need a picture of Sandra in LOVE RAT ROTTER part 3. At home on the settee in County Durham, looking both forlorn and angry whilst clutching her latest bank statement, captioned "me now".

After contacting Aslam he declined to comment.

"I Ate LOTS but now I HAVE a HUSBAND"

I used to guzzle down spicy curries and fizzy pop like there was no tomorrow. Before long, I ballooned to a terrifying 28st. My friends and family tried their hardest, but I couldn't help myself - every time I slimmed down, the fridge would beckon once more.

Everything changed when Daz moved in two doors down. He was the same age as me, a real hunk with dazzling blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. He made me feel like a princess - but how could he love me when I was so big?

With Daz's help, I swapped curries and Diet Coke for kale smoothies and air, and slimmed down to a curvy size 12. Daz loves my curves and says he loved me whatever my size, but I know he adores my sleeker, slimmer frame. One day, I was feeling under the weather, and couldn't stop the little niggle of suspicion in the back of my mind. I nipped to the chemist, and after a terrifying wait in the toilet, a little plus sign appeared on the white stick. I was pregnant! Daz and I couldn't wait to start a family together.

Six weeks after Juyce-Pluss was born, I found myself in the toilet once more. "Daz", I squeaked. "You're not going to believe this...". Avon-Younique was born nine months later, completing our family. It would have been easy to pile on the pounds again, but thanks to Daz, I was able to keep it off.

After a 15st weight loss, three years and two babies together, my life-saving, weight loss hero of a blue-eyed hunk asked me to marry him on my 18th birthday.

Eww the incest one, was that where mum dumped kids to run off wth boyfriend then got back in touch later when youngest was 16 and started sleeping with him.... i've never forgotten that one. .. hope she was sent down.
On a lighter note its not just san pads that have many uses, i also remember you can use tampons and stick on googly eyes, hang them up and hey presto cheap Halloween decorations

Bourbon biscuits gave me GAS and now my NEIGHBOUR won't look me in the eye.

I have to say I was very dismissive about the possibility of a magazine having a headline about Vanessa drinking custard but it's true!!

Bagels are not just for eating

Crying.

I love "Had Karen not considered this previously?"

And "Bob said fuck off."

And crazy Barbara from Sunderland.

First time MN's made me laugh in nine million years. Reminds me of Trip Advisor Revvies thread. Happy days.

‘Will you marry me?’ He asked
‘yes.’ I replied.

An exclamation mark would ha e real set this off, but no.

They have ‘broods’, not just fuckloads of kids
Writers throw in grubby details like ‘he pushed the Argos ring over my finger, we kissed, our tracksuits brushing together’