BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

Reading this thread, feeding my newborn ds trying not to wake everyone while laughing 😁
have also got a trial of readly and favourited all of the mags mentioned

I’m a fan of Creme Eggs, but not this much of a fan

The Aslam LOVE RAT ROTTER updates are comedy gold.
The triple absorbency slippers would be brilliant for floor spillages.

I'm sure that the Sunday Sport is actually a pisstake, like the Onion. Glenda doesn't exist. She just can't.

What worries me is whether all the regular purchasers realise that...

Harriet and Aslam-

'I have something for you', Aslam breathed. My heart nearly EXPLODED with excitement as he rummaged in his bag.

'This is a traditional gift...for a betrothal'. Assam's long eyelashes brimmed with tears as he took out a pair of white slippers and thrust them towards me.

I could hardly breathe as I took his gift in my hand. The slippers looked home made. They had little wings on each side of the foot and a surprisingly absorbent looking sole. On the top someone had stuck on googly eyes and sequins with glitter glue. They reminded me of something but I couldn't for the life of me think what.

'I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be yours' I finally managed to whisper. But I noticed that Aslam looked distracted. He sighed and look away. Gently, he took the slippers from my hand.

'But it cannot be.' He shook his head sadly. 'I have promised that I cannot follow my heart until I raise the gazillion lira needed to help my family repair the falling down house.'

My heart was breaking but I suddenly remembered how my uncle, fondly known in the family as mankini Bob, hadn't let anything stand in the way of true love. Reaching over, I grasped the slippers.

'Don't worry, my darling.' I smiled 'I have a plan.'

I know this thread has moved on, but as an OT I can promise the lucky lady earlier that the NHS would have provided and delivered a commode for her (height adjustable). Free of charge

They wouldn't have had to butcher a chair.

It would have been much more hygienic

But then it wouldn't have made a good story.

Easy come, easy go.

I am in tears at the Daily Sport stories
SimonBridges

NO NO NO

It isn't "over time", it's "IN time"

And drives me bonkers!!!!!

Lord, did they tuck into the roast afterwards? Saucy.

I love the surprisingly regular I didn't know I was pregnant stories.
Especially, THAT'S NOT A KEBAB IT'S A BABY! featuring Kelly who thought she'd had one too many Doners but out popped Lillah Rose.

The after picture is lovely; sitting on the sofa with baby and her bewildered looking 3 year old son Connor-Lee who is described as "thrilled".

Oh I love this thread so much... have been nostalgically reminded of the joys of Take A Break...
In the 90s my best friend moved to USA and I used to cut out the headlines and make collages and post to her. I can even remember one for some reason - 'Rab's Rages Drove Poor Marje Insane'. There was also 'My Intestines Fell Into My Leggings'. Some poor woman went to the loo and her intestines fell out but luckily her leggings caught them so they didn't hit the toilet floor so they could be gathered up for hospital imminent death (she did survive btw..)
Take A Break and Chat were also my saviours when I first left home in the 90s and was totally impoverished. They always asked for photos to be sent in (no emailing back then! I did email letters only but I don't even know if attachments existed? And scanners were not common place) As I worked in a high street photo lab and tended not to pay for my films to be developed, this was easy for me. And they loved my photos! So I'd get £25 here and £50 there, which was not to be sniffed at back then. I remember panicking I couldn't buy my boyfriend a birthday present...as luck had it they were asking for photos of something specific..which I was able to send... the next week a cheque for £50 arrived and off I popped to joyously buy him a colour changing optic fibre lamp! (Like I said, it was the 90s)
The downside was the cringe factor. I don't know if it's the case now but you had to give full name and address, they'd publish every bit except the house number! And it really wasn't cool to be a 20 something geezerbird (or sometime indie/grunge bird) sending photos and made up tips to 'old lady' comics. I'd often bump into my mum's friend - 'ooh I saw you posted to Take a Break again'! Also absolutely no chance of denying it 'oh must be someone with the same name' when your address was listed too! And if I did too many I'd use my mum's name and address too ..

This thread is hilarious. My nan used to buy these types of magazines so whenever I strayed at her house I used to read them. Forgotten all about it until now!

Hope no-one minds - it was TakeaBreak mag..... I would like to share this gem that I saw and photographed in the hairdressers two weeks ago - thought my pal and I could get a blue and a pink one and really steal the show everywhere we went

I used to work for an advertising agency that did ads for this type of clothing catalogue company.

We advertised in these kinds of magazines and the ad reps who would call would often be as dramatic as the stories they wrote. Our office favourite was from Love It! Absolutely lovely lady, but totally an overly dramatic luvvy. Our receptionist used to do impressions of her.

"I used to like nothing more than when my ex partner would stop in at the petrol station after work and buy me a Fry's Turkish Delight and a trashy mag. It was like he totally accepted my guilty pleasures. Over tine though, we grew apart. Looking back I should have realised that our relationship was over when he stopped buying me my eagerly anticipated copy of Take A break and I caught him wanking over The Peston Report. I knew my fiscal knowledge could never compete with that of Robert Peston, but I stayed with him and tried to make it work for the sake of our two year old tot, Rayleigh-Chelmsford*."

*Names have been changed, situations may not be entirely fictional.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. How on earth did Glenda and Alan manage to leave their house ever again after that was published .

@Handsoffmysweets neither can "The chicken was on the table and he was doing the sex to it."

I love the tips, like this gem!

Hunky adonis rat faced little weasel types in TAB never actually speak. They 'whisper softly'.

This happened to me today:

Early morning KNOCK from Tesco Delivery Driver left me BREATHLESS and WANTING MORE!
(He’d left one tray on the van, I had to run after him to get my green veg)

SimonBridges I love the Sunday Sport! I found this one!

I’ve just remembered another one of the TAB top tips (circa 2010) - it was to use a cotton wool bud as a stylus to hit the keys on your Blackberry

I love this thread. My Mum used to buy all the trashy mags its transported me right back.

Forgot to attach the picture.

This is the Sunday Sport.