BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

This has really cheered me up.

Years ago my mum was poorly and having chemo at hospital. We were reading these magazines and our favourite was the tips page.

We stumbled upon " always dreamed of living like a princess with a four poster bed? Can't afford it? Buy a kids pop up tent and sleep inside that on your bed, works EXACTLY the same" it was possibly a combination of the emotions but we were both hysterical. Even the nurses and other poor ladies joined in. I have never forgotten that room full of us absolutely crying with laughter at the image of an adult squashing inside this tent to "live like a princess" .

As if breastfeeding your teenage Son isn't fucking weird enough...
"I asked DH if he wanted my milk too," she says "So I lifted up my nightdress and helped him latch on. As he began sucking, I felt the same bond with him as I did when feeding our Sons"

They always 'sashay' into places too, after slipping on their slinky dresses.

I remember the social wanker!! That's life I think it was not that I'm in any way addicted to these magazines.
I love them at this time of year. Any day now it's going to be Valerie, 57, recently divorced and off to Sharm el sheik with her daughter Carol, where they will be on their guard against young handsome men but Valerie will fall head over heels for Abdul and marry him six months later because he's not like the others.
Cut to Valerie living in a caravan in Margate because he took her life savings and ran off with Carol

My favourite crapmag story headline from years ago was 'Nick nicked the knicker nicker'. Quality.

The Sport is sold as a genuine newspaper but I kind of get the feeling that some of their stuff might just be made up.

You don't say!!! 😂😂😂😂

I really don't think people buy it to read about current affairs.

@Littleredhouse , I remember that story!!!!

Her dad had a beard too.

These mags follow a long tradition, is anyone else old enough to remember the Weekly News? Basically TAB in newspaper form, I had many hours of entertainment reading it at my grandparents house as a child.

😂

And this corker. Closer seem to love variations on this theme...

m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/10/18/terri-graham-breastfeeds-dog-picture_n_1977649.html

The one I'll always remember was, "I breastfed my dad to save his life"

My sisters all time favourite cover on Take a Break was:

I was a HUMAN OMELETTE

Love how Glenda was "alerted" by Alan the chicken shagger's "ecstatic yelps."

Whilst it's a slight move upmarket from TaB, does Bella magazine still exist? It was always full of horror stories about women with gynae problems, and a really hair raising issue would feature a woman with a gynae problem who had an anaesthetic that didn't work so she ended up fully conscious but paralysed through her hysterectomy. I was bloody terrified of hospitals after reading Bella.

I can’t get past Rayn-Bo! I can’t breathe for laughing!

DH has the readly app so must pinch his iPad and have a read tonight.

I love the tips.

People in take a break land, on their first romp, say "we became a couple" (Darren and I met at the chippy where he worked. Every Friday he winked at me as he served my battered sausage and said "you know where to find the best sausage in town".
We became a couple and a few weeks later I felt queasy and wondered if it had anything to do with Darren's sausage... ".

"Over time" is a neat little way of glossing over the fact that they split with one man and move another in in record time not giving two fucks how their kids are affected by it. Translates as met him om Monday and moved in by Friday but it's okay because these blokes always love the kids as their own. Maybe because a lot of them don't actually see their own kids, so the level of commitment is minimal.

YY to poster who said the ravishing descriptions never quite match the men pictured.

The Sport is sold as a genuine newspaper but I kind of get the feeling that some of their stuff might just be made up.

This thread is amazing.

A few months ago a strange car parked in our driveway and when I went out to investigate the man introduced himself as being from Take a Break magazine and seemed to think I’d be expecting him. After some confusion it turned out he wanted our neighbour, my mind has been boggling since as to what on earth her story was. She doesn’t look like she drinks tins of custard or has husband reincarnated as goldfish

I love the top tip/crafty bits.

"I taped front covers of Take a Break to my coffee table and all of my friends say it's fab!" .....Yeah I'm fucking sure they do Glenda

@QuimReaper me too, although me and DH are gutted that Dezzer the dickhead hasn't been in TaB

Maybe I should sell my story on him for £50 😂😂

‘My SCAN photo looked like my DEAD GERBIL’

With a photo of an ordinary looking scan photo next to a photo of said gerbil, then ‘in time, I went into the agonies of labour but I got through it because I knew that Nibbles was by my side’ and an ‘us now’ photo of Candida-Rubella with her proud mum Traycie.

I used to work on a ward where a few stories got sold and they were always embellished. Body parts being eaten alive and long lines inserted through HIS BRAIN to his heart, and other unlikely events

"Plop Suey"

I have to ask- is that chicken story for real??? Or is it a parody??

Says something for the state of the country that I even have to ask 😂😂

I am at the Pickle and Turnip twist upthread! What a small world!