BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

Cheaper than an Oxfam goat!

Tippex Thank You pebbles. The new passive aggressive way to say thanks for a shit present.

TAB magazine were always the ones that used to get nicked in the dentist/doctors reception or end up so thumbed they had torn pages and sticky finger marks everywhere. The big thick decorating weekly ones never went anywhere and remained glossy and shiny looking.

Most interesting part of the day?

RACE TO THE COURTS: She hadn’t banked on him leaving first, but YesILikeItToo was up for the challenge when her partner played his trump and left for work before they were both ready. She was left holding the baby, so to speak, because not only did she have to feed her 10 year old a nourishing breakfast, but she’d run out of cash to pay the cleaner. Pausing only to rattle a box of bran flakes, she yelled her intentions to all and sundry, dashed out to the local hole-in-the-wall, and returned to literally throw that baby out with the bath water. She grabbed her coat and got ready for the final throw of the dice. If she overpaid by 40p, she’d catch the bus that got her to the centre of town fastest. In this game of cut-throat decision making, there could be but one winner. It was YesILikeIt who was first to the offices of the court where they both worked - she gave us her exclusive story.

'Options Belgian hot chocolate coloured eyes' HAHA 😂😂😂

Sil once worked for TAB. I remember her going to interview a man who was bed bound with grotesquely huge testicles and someone whose house blew up while they were on the toilet.
Not quite the journalistic career she dreamed of.

Oh just walked in and I was on the personalised rock picture. I said I will do that for your birthday. He said if you do that I will shove it up your arse with no lube. So you may see this in the future

I danced around the kitchen smiling to myself, eager to give Gaz his birthday present. We didn't have much money what with me polishing hubcaps and him toiling 96 hours a week at the local button factory but we were happy.
I'd prepared his favourite slap up meal of fish finger pie and a can of special brew.
My stomach was doing dances of excitement as I smoothed my tresses ready to meet him at the door. Evening sweetheart he trilled as he walked through the door excitedly greeting our dogs as he always does.
I love you my darling I said as I handed over his gift, awaiting his response with nervous trepidation.
What the fuck is this? I am going to shove this up your arse with no lube.

Take a Shit approached Gaz for a comment.

It was a fucking rock with I love you written on in tippex for fuck's sake. Fuck off.

Twenty sanitary towels strung end to end will make the perfect bunting to decorate your street for the Royal Wedding celebrations in May.

Thanks to this brilliant thread I'm now the proud owner of Take a break

Surely the top tips are people taking the piss?!?

Not remotely place marking. Oh, no.

My SEXY TOYBOY was really my long lost SON.

That one definitely has me rushing for the brain bleech

Omg, the mum breastfeeding her 13 year old. Surely that has to be a safeguarding issue.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally

Ha ha ha! How to keep your children occupied for - well, the rest of their lives, while they piece it together. It's like some ghastly torture from Greek mythology!

Ha, if only she had some sanitary towels in the house, TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally.

YES!! Aslam and Dawn live on

In compact form, natch

This one feels like the family should be directed to the Stately Homes threads...

More top tips gold

Having had a particularly shit week with work this has made me smile. Harriet your writing is borderline genius I've nominated for classics

My dog BURNED down my house.

I was at work eating a sneaky biccie when the phone rang. It was my neighbour Violet who we had a natter with with a glass of wine every Friday night. She was married to Bill, a lovely bloke who works down at the tip.

"Oh Sharon" she sobbed "you better get home. Your house is on fire"

I raced out of work and dashed home to see flames licking the walls and windows exploding under the intense heat. The firefighters were struggling to control the blaze.

My knees suddenly went weak as I clung to Violet. My eyes filled with tears. I suddenly let out a yelp "my dog!! My dog is still in there. Someone must save my baby!"

I watched frantic as a man dashed into the flaming house. Holding my breath I let out a sob as he came out cradling a limp bundle. After a quick dash of oxygen, Neveah, was bounding round again.

Finally the flames were out. My house was gutted. All of my possessions gone. All the baby photos of Naveah burned. I was devastated.

Finally the truth came out on how the fire started. Turned out my cheeky pup helped herself to a biccie I had left on the kitchen side and in doing so, accidentally turned the cooker on.

Good job I love my silly little pup and she didn't go up in smoke too

Hahaha this thread is making me laugh! These magazines are my guilty pleasure. Sex is always 'romp', 'bonk' and always 'steamy'. The tips pages are hilarious. I once saw someone who made slippers out of sanitary towels, and coasters from mince pie foil cases.

Old socks around a pot noodle for your plants

Tape two 'night time' sanitary towels together to make a trendy clutch bag. The wings make an ideal 'clasp' and you can brighten your bag up by decorating it with old bottle tops or the empty foils from aspirin packets.

I used to read it all the time and still do occasionally, Just for laughs.
One that sticks out " I got pregnant by an ugly stranger on a see saw " , it was a gay couple wanting a family so one of them hung around the park of a night and had sex with the first man she sees. Got pregnant right away. Wanted another baby and went back to the park , saw the same man their , got pregnant again. What are the chances .