Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

There is a lipstick going around in the washing machine that isn't mine.

698 replies

AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 23/12/2017 15:34

100% certain dh is not having an affair so who does the lipstick belong to and how on earth will I get it out of the washing as the lid has come off (presumably in the machine) and I'm guessing it will be all over it now. Luckily it was a dark wash. I've stopped the washing machine and put it on drain.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Original poster
AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 27/12/2017 00:29

Sorry Lweji, I meant I pooed 3 orange segments. 😉 I was trying to be subtle - something I regularly fail at, I'll admit.

DS has never really played with or put things in the toilet. He prefers to put stuff in his pants and socks.

OP posts:
Lweji · 27/12/2017 00:24

ds who, being 4 (...) although (warning TMI but it seems like the order of the day) I once went to the toilet and there were three perfectly formed segments of orange. No poo, just perfect orange segments

Unless DS didn't exist then...

Original poster
AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 27/12/2017 00:19

Um... hi.

OP posts:
CountFosco · 27/12/2017 00:16

SIL had a spot on her arm that got bigger and bigger then it burst and tiny spiders came out. She'd been in the Amazonian Jungle.

BattleCunt · 26/12/2017 23:41

@Mustang27 it's a teratoma. They tend to contain teeth and hair etc.

Mustang27 · 26/12/2017 23:39

Is that one of those cysts battle? I'm not watching it if it is honestly they are bloody grim!! Naming them Malcolm does not help make them less terrifying.

BattleCunt · 26/12/2017 23:38

SPORNERS

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 26/12/2017 23:33

More importantly why did she do that ?

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 23:31

She poohed in a plastic tupperware box and put it right under her bed.

Did you post that to her as well, Dianag?

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 26/12/2017 23:28

Fuck me. Bugs living under toenails. Wasps in VULVAS ?!?!?

Mushrooms in ears ?

But seriously the wasp thing is going to give me nightmares. I mean ..what was it stuck IN ? Between the labia ? Oh god oh god it’s so revolting I don’t know if I want to know

HoosierDaddy · 26/12/2017 23:27

Just read all of this and now want to poke at a lump on my leg that GP claims is "nothing" whatwouldheknow

marzipancustard · 26/12/2017 23:23

Dianag don't ruin the thread!!! Shock Sad

CCMcGarry · 26/12/2017 23:22

I think the lip stick could be mine... Sorry... ???

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 23:08

TMI

Dianag111 · 26/12/2017 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardeyscat · 26/12/2017 23:03

This is amazing! And amazingly gross!

Dianag111 · 26/12/2017 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SimonBridges · 26/12/2017 23:00

So I forwarded it on to her at her new address.

What a deeply unpleasant thing to do. It was most likely an accident.

ConjugalHoliday · 26/12/2017 22:52

@DontbeaDickaboutit That's what I thought too, it was probably accidental.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 26/12/2017 22:51

Thanks for the dog's bottom advice.

I didn't realise that.

AlpacaLypse · 26/12/2017 22:51

Reading this has actually been the best bit of Christmas so far!

DontbeaDickaboutit · 26/12/2017 22:45

This thread is just positively joyous! Really was my favourite thread to read, ever!

Until....

You posted an Au Pair back a used sanitary towel? No chance it has just accidentally got caught up in the washing .....? Confused

Paininmybummum · 26/12/2017 22:44

Two Christmas's ago, when my youngest was 9 months old, I had the best nappy change ever, with a piece of digested and then poo'd out wrapping paper upon which you could read quite clearly "merry Christmas"... I took a photo, but I won't gross you all out as it's a little too graphic....

Dianag111 · 26/12/2017 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 22:33

Re grass coming out of the dog’s bum, you have to pull incredibly gently cos it can be wrapped round the tubes and you can do damage. I forgot a poo bag one time, dog had a lump of shit hanging off his hairy arse, I had to use a leaf to remove it so he could go back in the car. It did not end well.

You sporners would have loved the leg injury I had, it needed packing with a special bandage that sort of turned into gel after a day or so then needed pulling out, bloody inches of the stuff.

Related to the leg injury, but years afterwards, I could feel something sticking out of the old scar. Looking at photos from the time, I could see the line of stitches ended where I could feel the something. I pulled very gently and hauled out a couple of centimetres of stitching. Very satisfying