Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

Also Colonel Gaddafi is hilarious

YES just wanted to post as I am so happy this has been resurrected!

I know this is an old thread but just wanted to add my own experience.

In the 80s I decided to jump on the bandwagon and get a perm. I have very dark hair and had envisioned long loose glossy waves. Unfortunately the perm was so tight that it shortened my hair dramatically and when I walked into my boyfriend's mum's house afterwards his brother-in-law shouted "bloody hell it's Colonel Gaddafi"

This thread has made me laugh so much!

Hair. When I was about 12, the mobile hairdresser cut my hair from long to what I can only describe as Aled Jones. Total choir boy hair. I looked in the mirror and cried.

Age 22, I went to an expensive salon and told them to do what would suit me. The hairdresser cut it 1cm short all over and dyed it white blonde. Think Mr. C from the The Shamen's mug shot. I wore a hat for a full summer.

I’m sitting her in a wine bar alone with a glass of wine, Mutley-laughing like a fiend! Cracking thread!

Oh dear....still carrying post-natal weight....don’t fit in to my usual clothes....maternity wear is too maternity (except the jeans which are a god sent gift)....so I head out to buy some new tops.

Haven’t felt remotely stylish for a long time so opted for a chic Breton style top.........how did I forget the widening effect of horizontal stripes?😩

I looked like the back end of the Laughing Cow or La Vache Qui Rit 🐄

Thought I'd step away from my usual overgrown tomboy routine and get myself a terribly chic and adorable woolly hat for the winter.

Expectation: Eponine from Les Miserables.

Reality: Drug dealer. DH snorted and asked if I kept my stash in the hat.

Howling at "from the side, I looked like a pick axe".

I bought a black boiled wool jacket from Jigsaw with an asymmetric zip, in my head understated kind of biker style.

In the mirror, inexplicably, more kind of "middle aged woman in her dog walking fleece, but the zip looks wonky."

I sent it back.

My people. I found you.

Bought a coat in M&S sale last week (possibly were it all went wrong in first place)

Image- the colour and style look classy, yet a bit funkier than a normal black coat, so in my head I am well tailored, yet edgy. I am winning at adulting professional.

Reality- it has popper closure instead of buttons which, when worn open, look like a row of nipples off a dog who has just delivered a litter of pups.

And it is a tad too snug on my fat frame , so it looks like I have also just delivered a litter, and am yet to figure out my post-litter size.

I have 7 days left to return it... unless I drop half a stone by then, it needs to go back....

Reality: Going canoeing.

A friend talked me into buying a super-funky clubbing top, late 90's.

Expectation: Barbarella meets Tron.

Reality: Going canoeing.

Leggings, white shirt and flat black biker boots. I thought I'd look practical and yet stylish, nice crisp lines etc.

I looked like someone had shot my horse out from underneath me.

Grey fitted trousers: I looked like the back legs of a pantomime elephant.

Only up to page ten but I need to add these before I forget:
Voluminous Toast skirt:
Expected - French chic, esp when paired with Toast Breton top.
Reality - entire midsection of body removed. I just went straight from boob to shins. And what a matronly bust it was.

All round neck sweaters:
Expectation: preppy back to school crispness.
Reality: Matronly bust.

Wearing a long sleeved T shirt under a short sleeved T shirt.
Expected: celeb on day off, casual ‘I go to the game’ kind of chic.
Reality: Three shop assistants called me Sir and one little girl said ‘mummy why is that man wearing lipstick?’

In reality I look like a badly dressed pug.

Reality was I looked like I'd come to fix the toilet.

Reality: Mrs Trunchbull

Stop it! I'm having a hernia.

This is my favourite thread in years by the way. So funny.

I bought a red and white striped jacket for my holidays. I actually thought it looked pretty cool and quirky until my lovely teenage sons fell about laughing and asked if I was joining a barbershop quartet dicks

Oh god I'm crying at this thread. It's fucking hilarious. I'm going to be snorting to myself about Lionel Blair

I have a thing about black polo necks. In my mind, i look like Audrey Hepburn, willowy, elegant, gracious - a person to be taken seriously. Sadly i have a short neck and a round face. In reality I look like a badly dressed pug.

I wore Jo Malone 'Red Roses' to the office, thinking fresh, romantic, pure, clean..

Someone asked who had put out really strong pot potpourri and then went round the office grimacing searching for it...

Leopard skin harem pants after summer holidays in posh school uniform shop at the counter. Ds: Mam why are you wearing your pyjamas.

Purple and green striped trousers and matching coat with green shirt and green and purple tie in the 80's. Reality: giant caterpillar.

Need to place mark. The funniest thread ever

Leopard print pumps

Expectation: smart but stylish pop of colour when worn with black skinnies and black blouse

Reality: Theresa May

Jumpsuits are my downfall. A friend convinced me I'd look great in one and that being slim would outweigh being a shortarse.

Jumpsuit 1 - wide legged, fitted waist, short sleeves.
Expectation: one hand in pocket in louche manner and other holding martini glass.
Reality: Sponge Bob Squarepants in khaki.

Friend says "maybe you need one with a narrower leg".
Jumpsuit 2 - in my head cocktail chic fashonista.
Reality was I looked like I'd come to fix the toilet.

Oversized Parka

Expectation- Kate Moss cooly posing on the back of a moped
Reality - Liam Gallagher's Mum

So many. I never learn.

Two-piece for school trip to meet dignitaries in Paris.

Idea: Classy English student

Reality: Margaret Thatcher

Bob that takes into account the fact that my hair is straight at the front but curls at the back.

Idea: Louise Brooks

Reality: Beachers Brook