Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

I can tell the story of the root perm on my 16th birthday

Oh, God - perms.
Never had one that didn't make me cry.

(The fact that I had more than one shows what a very shallow learning curve I was on)

The worst was the time my mother helpfully permed just my fringe to help me recreate the "Farrah Fawcett flick".

It sat atop my fine, straight hair like a mouse-brown shower puff.
These days it would have been tempting to add a bit of net and a bow and try to style it out as a fascinator.

(And mothers are supposed to love you )

I’ve laughed so much my chest hurts!!!!!

Well since people are still posting, I can tell the story of the root perm on my 16th birthday. They were a thing in the early eighties, and I went to a hair training school to have it done.
They actually permed a sort of trapezoidal section on the top of my head. The solution was left on too long, so quite a lot of my hair just snapped off. What was left was really quite poodly. For about two weeks, until it fell out into lank ringlets.
I was not so happy about this, and in my sixteen-year-old frustration, started cutting it myself. I spent the next six months with what looked exactly like a coconut fibre doormat on the top of my head.
I've never had another perm.

Oh, and this was how I had my school photo that year, added to which I had one giant pimple in the middle of my forehead, which looked uncommonly like I'd been shot.

Still enjoying this thread!

I love this thread so much

My worst fail that I haven’t blocked out was when I saw Sarah Michelle Gellar on TV wearing a knitted white jumper and looking tanned, fluffy and gorgeous. I bought a similar one and wore it to visit a new boyfriend on a chilly winter’s evening. I had not taken into account that I was pasty, at least three stone heavier than SMG and looked like a fat fifty year old cricketer called Keith.

This is the best thread I’ve ever read and I’ve only covered page 1. You are all fucking hilarious. Will be coming back to this later to read the whole thing with a glass of wine.
My contribution: colleagues did me a moonpig birthday card with a photo of me on the front from a works night out last year. Short leather biker jacket that I thought gave an edgy vibe to my printed dress. Reality: I looked like I was attending a Halloween party dressed as John Travolta in Pulp Fiction

this thread never fails to make me laugh, with sympathy and recognition! I once inadvertantly did double denim about 20 years ago. I could n't find a jacket I liked to wear with jeans when I went out with friends. Ended up buying a denim blazer (I hadn't thought it through) and when I think back I cringe. No one would sit by me in the pub. Have also made the velvet leggings mistake- looked like I'd been upholstered. Who remembers the poncho craze? I tried. I looked like an old sofa with a throw over it.

Thanks everyone. Despite the fact I have read most of these before, I've popped back and I'm snorting and crying at my desk. Must remember to come back whenever I'm feeling a little glum!

Oh lord... I'm actually crying and howling with laughter my sides hurt what a brilliant thread!.. Quite new to MN and this thread just wins everything!!! 😂 😂 😂
The what time I was off to fight karate kid and the frozen Christmas bauble

This thread fat too many for me to pick:

Nice, green harem trousers
Expectation- laid back beach chic
Reality- Aladdin

Over the knee boots
Expectation- sexy yet chic
Reality- streetwalker

Pixie crop
Expectation- Frankie from the saturdays
Reality- Justin Bieber

poppym12 Properly Lol'd at that!

I have also come to the sad conclusion that I Must Not Wear Woolly Hats. I imagine I will look like Claudia Schiffer in Love Actually, or some sort of Alpine, cheeks-aglow, winsome beauty. But multiple failures have proved that I just look like I have got away from my carer and am on the hunt for crayons to eat.

IN the 90s I had an electric blue PVC trouser suit.

Expectation: clubber extraordinaire
Reality: Giant frozen-themed Christmas bauble

Guys I’m actually crying with laughter and I’ve only read to page 3.... woke up dd who asked very worriedly if I was ok 🤣

Also, I need to add everything I have ever tried on ever- bought anywhere, any style or pattern.
It’s a mystery. My best friend is a similar shape, size, weight, hair colour yet trying on the same item of clothing always leaves her looking quite normal while I look like I need a psychiatric assessment.
I am not a conventional shape. She tries hard to lie but ultimately it’s laugh or cry and she knows I see through her lies... so laugh it is. Short, fat hourglass, massive bazoongas, no neck.
At least my girls got their dads height and are leggy and gorgeous!

The 90s: mustard yellow trousers with red shoes. Looked like I should have been presenting Chockablock.

Bought an on trend yellow flowery, floaty midi dress in the summer, teamed with over sized pink tinted sunglasses imagining myself glamorous boho chic..... reality Sue Pollard!

Elegant casual lounge wear.

Reality- the girl playing Karen Matthews in that Sheridan Smith drama

I bought my first ever pair of Doc martens....@64. I thought I'd give the boots/long floaty skirt 'aging rock chick' a go. OMG..... (1) they absolutely kill me, and (2) I look like a demented bag lady.

I wore a Halloween outfit for the first time ever this year. I’d lost a stone and was feeling ok.
I got told I looked like Grotbags, remember her?!

I bought myself a cape thinking I would look stylish and chic on my commute (but not too hot as the tube is god awful) a la Audrey Hepburn. My 8 year old squinted at me and said admiringly ohh mummy you look lovely, just like Mary Poppins

Age 18, back in the 80s I opted for an ultra trendy perm, at great expense. Imaging one of Charlie's Angels.

when I came out, all I needed was a plastic rain hood, and I was set for a night at the bingo with all the other 70year olds.

I bought a cap sleeved black jumpsuit, hoping to look like an effortlessly chic off duty danish designer.

First time I wore it, dh asked what time I was off to fight the karate kid

I know it's a zombie thread but thought you might like to know that I got a lovely black vinyl raincoat off a vintage stall. I thought I looked like some sort of cool spy. DS' dad looked at it and went 'Wicked Uncle Ernie!'

This thread is the one that keeps on giving. Love it when someone resurrects it!

A soft bralette top, which I am assured will suit 'larger' ladies.
Expectation: Comfortable and chic, with a hint of lace peeking out of the v neck of my top.
Reality: The puny lace and elastic was no match for the size and weight of my norks. Every time I moved it looked like two ferrets were having a fight in the front of my shirt.

Just read this thread. Holigoli wins with her ‘grain silo’ look.

Anything green makes me look as though sired by Wheelie Bin out of Overgrown Evergreen