Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

I am relieved that others also found the Hush dress a bit...unflattering...

Also, shell tops. I aim for something that goes well with a pair of jeans or 7/8 trousers and can be dressed up and down. The reality is that they are almost always too short and cut me in half right across the waist to maximise the dumpiness. And that there is never enough room round the bust so your norks end up being squashed. The overall effect is of a sausage that someone has tried to stuff back into its skin.

FetchezLaVache that dress (stripy version) made me look like a rugby player in drag. I have quite a slim waist but the top part is enormous so I looked like a broad-shouldered long-waisted uniboob. And if your arse is your largest feature 'ruching' makes it look like you're wearing a skirt two sizes too small.
I find Hush clothes flatter the sporty/boyish figure but not the bumpy one.

Sorry just had to

Great thread, we need this as the Christmas and sale season trigger mad online buying!

Another one who regrets many ebay purchases. Esp since there's no returns there.

Ah that hush dress! I've also been considering it, am also 5'4, size 8, suspect I'd be hugely disappointed as well... saw it in John Lewis and the XS looked massive!

I bought a silver, DKNY leather jacket on EBay. Even got into a bidding war as I was so desperate to win it. I awaited it’s arrival eagerly. I looked like Michael Jackson in the BAD years.

Striped Breton top.
Expectation - casual French insouciance
Reality - Where's Wally in drag

God - so many to choose from. Totally agree with PP that my list includes most of the stuff I buy off Ebay. In my head it's always going to be fabulous.

Fitflop winter boots; my expectation was sublime comfort combined with casual chic. The reality was leather toddler wellies. Not good.

PMSL at Suzi Quatro's fat nan. DH asked if someone had mentioned yellow jerseys again

A navy tartan circle midi skirt from Joanie Clothing. The 12 has a smaller waist than Topshop size 10 (which I am not any more). The material bunched horribly over my hips. Nope! I was thinking librarian chic but the reality was NOT GOOD. I must remember to return it.

Every pair of dungarees (I know, I know) I've tried to buy. I imagine casual, long limbed, fun.
Actually it looks like they've squished all the fat from my legs out over the top of the dungarees.
I keep thinking it's the cut and I try on a new pair, then have a moment of genuine horror in the changing room. How can one person with such normal looking legs have such a bloated back? Where has this odd fat come from? It wasn't that bad 10 minutes ago, WAS IT???

Emo Tinky Winky

@GardenGeek it is indeed from Hush. I am so glad I am not the only person who failed to rock the look!

A pinstripe shirt dress in a sort of stretch/billowy fabric. I thought it would look effortlessly chic with bare legs in September, then I could stick thick tights under it for winter.

In reality, the stretch top and billowy arms (gathered daintily at the elbow) give me an enormous Carry On Matron bust which looks ridiculous.

The stylish but casual black playsuit I bought for summer beach holidays that would make me look effortlessly chic....... nope. Looked like Tinky Winky gone emo.

A good few years ago bought a military style long cardigan/coat thing. Looked like I should have been playing the trombone for the Salvation Army. 🙄

In summer I vary my look, trying out button front floral skirts and dresses thinking I am pulling off a 70s Fleetwood Mac vibe. The reality is Joyce Barnaby from Midsomer Murders.

Tried contouring: " ooh " said my 10 year old daughter with genuine admiration " it looks like you've drawn Maleficent on a paper plate"

Oops 'ultra cool oversized all saints asymmetric coat '

Reality shapeless sack like coat made me think of a fisherman - (and it was cold too)

Just spotted your post Mizu. I could have written this! I got a pair of vintage Levi's in the size I normally wear. Would not go on. Also many odd cropped efforts.

I tried that same dress Fetchez and yes, the reality was a sack of spuds! And yet theoretically it should have worked and so many (online) were raving about it. It looked so good in my head

Where to start? Most often I buy something that I think will look ironically cool, e.g. the long pale blue tartan skirt that was identical to one I saw the model Laura Bailey wearing in a magazine. All casual insouciance with a man's shirt sort of thing. I mostly look like Miss Jean Brodie. Not necessarily a bad look but not what I was aiming for. In fact I'm going to stop pretending and embrace this. Lots of velvet, cardigans and polo necks for the rest of the winter I think.

Unreal fur gilet - expectation - Kate Moss esque cool with black jeans and black sweater ....
Reality - baseball player shoulders with fluffy bits everywhere .... and

These are hilarious.

Second hand wide leg cropped jeans, sold as vintage, thought I'd look hip and cool wearing them with a grey wool jumper.

Just look like a twat who is trying way too hard. Jeans slightly too tight at the top as vintage and so smaller than sizes today.

The jeans were eBay and cheap but I should know by now to NEVER buy jeans on line.

Garden it's from Hush.

I just bought a floral wrap dress with ruffles and a deep V neck. I imagined myself as looking like Monica Bellucci in D&G in Palermo.

I actually look like Ma Larkin. It’s going back. Immediately.

Yes, it's very short on me too, banana. And I can just feel people surreptitiously sneaking glances at my stomach when I wear it. It needs to go to the charity shop!