Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

Absolutely howling here - had a crap day n you lot have cheered me up so much!
Black leggings - make me look like max wall
Anything with a belt or tie back makes me look fat n dumpy
Sequins glitter or diamanté just make me look like gran who shops at Bon marche
Just bought a gorgeous leather jacket - despite having lost 4 stone I look more like Sandi toksvig than Debbie harry

I once bought a "vintage floral shirt dress" from eBay, imaging how I'd look just like Carrie Bradshaw. It arrived, and it was from the St.Michael Classic range (i.e. elderly M&S) and made from polyester in a garish print. I looked like Judith Chalmers, and it only ever got worn when dd went to a fancy dress party as Mrs.Merton.

'Look like a grain silo' is inspired.

Another jumpsuit victim here. Bought a blue and white patterned one from Boden for a wedding earlier this year.

In my head: comfy, quirky, perfect for running around after energetic DS.
Reality: Looked like Humpty Dumpty when turned sideways.

And we don't talk about the bright red pixie crop that made me look like a fat match

^

Sorry toss but that's brilliant

Fat match

@TossDaily

'Also, a cotton summer midi skirt from Toast, which I wore with a semi-tucked in white t-shirt, as advised by numerous fashionistas, and Birkenstocks.

DP took a snap of me wandering around the garden. I looked like I was getting some fresh air in some kind of secure facility for disturbed middle aged women.

Binned'

OMG I'm crying here! 😂

I got this from Boohoo last week, for the work Christmas party. The model is standing strangely but I thought it looked stylish.
Actually you can see my knickers. My actual knickers at the front.

If I stand like her it’s all fine. If I walk it’s ‘here is my foof’
So I’d have to crab my journey through the party

It’s been assigned ‘the slutty dress’ that I only wear for my bf

After illness made me drop 2 stone, I thought I could finally carry off black cigarette pants a la Audrey Hepburn beatnik chic.

The reality?
Max Wall

OMG Martin my eyes! All I can see is bloody Yonis!!

Speaking of trenches / raincoats can anyone own up to wearing this famous (on MN anyway) coat affectionately known as the Boden Fanny Mac?

Expectation: Fun middle-class Mum able to go out in the rain
Reality: The photo says it all...

Do you turn into a comedy genius the second you make one of these fashion faux pas? I am crying with laughter!

My beige trench is less classic and chic, and more candidate for sex offender register.

Me, yesterday:

My latest disaster was when I attempted to wear a skinny polo neck under a midi-dress, as recommended by fashionistas this winter.

I looked fat. And moreover, Amish.

I didn't get as far as putting on the recommended white trainers to finish off the ensemble - I imagine it would have tipped me over into looking like a fat Amish woman who should not be allowed sharp objects.

Or Annie Wilkes.

A dress similar to this (slightly darker shade of grey) I was going to wear it to work with a thin belt and heeled ankle boots, in my head that all worked...

In real life I looked like a nun, not like a sexy fancy dress nun or even a nun in a habit, just like a nun, when they wear their day clothes but you can still tell they're off duty nuns.

3 months later, I saw another one but in a shorter skirt length and thought, aha, that'll work...

Nope, still a nun.

Even now I'm looking at that photo thinking, ooh, maybe a lighter grey will work?

Ah linen. Reminds me of the white linen tunic top I bought for a holiday in Morocco one year.

The expectation: Effortless cool in sunny climes.
The reality: A Clinique beauty counter assistant.

Ah yes...the beige linen dress that was so cool for summer in Italy, at least that's what I thought. I looked like a disciple.
The white jeans a la Liz Hurley only from the back I looked like a hot point washing machine.

In tears @ leprechaun/St Patrick's Day parade dress, full nappy baby trousers, where's Wally in drag, fat old man in drag, triceratops, intergalactic toga and countless others.

Love the Pippa Middleton dress and the navy trench. I love Edwardian lace type things but I look like a chubby toddler in them.

How is this thread not in Classics yet?!

I got a lovely jersey floral dress from Monsoon, and thought it would look cute and vintage with a pale pink velvet trimmed cardigan from Boden.

The result. Pure Mrs Brown.

Katharine parsnip legs. 🤣🤣🤣

I can't stop crying. DD just said who's doing all that snorting?

My uniqlo wide legs order didn't go through

Was it one of you??
I don't care if they're clown trousers.
Don't care.
Don't care.
Don't care.

I want them even more now.

I love the elegant wide trouser look. Bought some from Boden in a fab dark dark purple. Even my perma-glued to phones teenage sons did a double take and suggested I change (am 5'4 but with v short legs). They went back!

Crying with laughter at the full nappy harem pants! And the Cath Kidston drip-stand up a hospital corridor. Am pretty sure I had that same dress, which went to Oxfam pretty sharpish.

Mine was a See by Chloe blouse for sale for £20 in my local Oxfam. Expectation - people would gasp in admiration at my ability to nail the "it" look of the season. Reality - DH said I looked like a middle aged Victorian dowager.

wheresmymojo I had my Hulk moment when I wore a 3/4 sleeved top with cropped trousers. If only they'd been unhemmed/raw edge I would really have nailed it.

Funny thread. I am sniggering on the train and getting weird looks!