Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

Pmsl at green snake that swallowed a plate!

I have thick, curly hair and have had my own share of hair disasters when younger (particularly in the 80s, when I tried to ignore it's curliness). Early 80s, Princess Diana flick, fine when blow dried by the hairdresser, any sign of humidity and nanny with a perm. Also, late 80s, trying to do punk/goth spiky with an undercut, Dustin in Stranger Things 2 at the Snow Ball . Now, I just go for long and curly, it makes the most of it and the weight holds it down with some control.

See, I can’t be trusted with on line shopping. I do it, but only from stores so that I know I can banish the offending articles once I’ve seen the light. No eBay for me

These are brilliant descriptions. If only.we had all taken photos. I have a small chest - so how come any crew neck makes me look like a monoboobed matron? Frills or ruffles - wrestler in drag.

*Covering up at weddings needs it's own subthread. Get a pashmina they said, so versatile they said.

I ordered it in cream. I looked like the only steerage passenger to make it off the Titanic*

This is my all time favourite post

I remember getting a perm in the eighties and tottering off to meet my boyfriend in town. I thought I looked like Cher in Moonstruck. Until boyfriend clapped eyes on me and started singing 'Hello ... is it me you're looking for?'.

He still calls me Lionel from time to time .....

Love this thread

Mine - leopard print trainers from H&M. Expectation - cool, toddler chasing appropriate footwear. Reality - I have size 8 feet, so I just look like a safari themed golf club, with blisters

I have laughed so much at this thread!
I have memories of wearing hippy layers thinking I looked muse like pre Raph girl.
I just looked like a walking pile o laundry.

Green snake swallowed a plate - omg I’m crying!!

I've had a few off the shoulder tops, you'd think I'd learn after one but it seems not.
They never stay off shoulder, they weirdly pop up up and seem to be trying to consume my head.
I've never worn a single one out of the house, I have several in the wardrobe of shame

I am actually crying real tears and laughing out loud at these .

I bought a bright green silk dress with a ruff round the neck. Expectation- daring fashion trendsetter.

Reality - green snake that had swallowed a plate.

yes, that's the problem with comfy shoes. In black leather, they look orthopaedic. In pale tan suede, they look less...sensible, but living in the country I know I would ruin them in the process of getting the car into or out of the drive.

I bought my first pair of black brogues last week. Thought I'd look stylishy edgy. DH asked 'Why are you wearing orthopaedic shoes?'

DD1 saw them and remarked 'that I looked like I was going to be late for detention.'

Everyone's a fucking comedian in this house

I have a 70s Welsh weave cape. I love it. It goes over the top of what else I'm wearing and keeps me warm in the car

I'm 5 foot and a size 8, I can't wear duffle coats as it's more like they wear me.
I walk around like an old stooped man carrying cargo.
Duffle coat in the wardrobe of shame.

I once bought a red duffle coat from H&M, thinking I'd look cute and quirky like Zooey Deschanel in New Girl.

Reality:

I even tried a heeled pair.
Nun leaves convent and gets job in Library but wants to star as man in Strictly with the wierd Cuban heels.

I can't do brogues either, I was hoping for comfy, smart, yet sexy with skinnies and crisp white shirt (see up thread for white shirt horrors).
What I got was Nun leaves convent and gets job in library.

Lentil me too. Tan ones - no problem. Black ones - I look like a sturdy, capable woman whose 'fiance' 'died in the war' and has lived with her 'companion' Marjorie for thirty years.

@TossDaily I’ve been wearing brogues for years

Chanel No 5:

Expectation : timeless classic, sensual, what Marilyn Monroe wore in bed.

Reality: has the cat pissed behind the radiator again?

With only few exceptions, all Chanel perfumes do that to me.

Black brogues.

Expectation - quirky insouciance! Annie Hall-chic! Smart yet casual!

Reality - Toss is such a nice woman. Is there a reason she doesn't have a young man?

Chanel No 5:

Expectation : timeless classic, sensual, what Marilyn Monroe wore in bed.

Reality: has the cat pissed behind the radiator again?

Joy de Jean Patou:

Expectation - a mature, sexy scent for the woman who can afford the finer things in life.

Reality - I smell like a nanna, and I have a migraine.

Opium.

I wanted - Gorgeous, heady and exotic opulence.

I got - A cloud of overpowering musk which didn't fade at all throughout the day.

I ended up spraying a cotton bud and dabbing it on sparingly.

I love it, but without care people could smell me coming.

Oh yes perfume

Agent Provocateur

Expectation: That simple yet sensual, classy but naughty scent which mimics pheromones and makes you instantly more attractive to people. Sexiness bottled. Made me feel irresistible!

Reality: My BF at the time pointed out that perhaps I might be more attractive to some people whilst wearing this, but certainly not to moths, they would be repelled.