How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

Watch their sport. There aren't any many mums on the sidelines now DS is 17, but he asks me to watch every bloody weekend .

Kidding- I love it!

I love slipping him the odd fiver as I drop him with his mates too. His face goes pink and he gives me a kiss.

Driving them anywhere is great. We either sing or chat.

Whole family house cleans are good. We all get stuck in, then we choose a takeaway as a treat and relax in our sparkly house .

*love it

Absolutely love this thread. I have 2 teens and one nearly teen. I find they chat lots in the car as they feel close but you are both looking forward so less pressure maybe? Yes to shared Bobbie, I love running with my 13 year old (I can’t keep up) and listening and talking about music with them. We still play board games, cook dinner together, listen and try not to judge.

I always want them to know they can tell me anything so I listen and give advice if asked but bite my tongue a lot! Love laying on the sofa watching Stranger Things and Friends with my 6ft 2 16 yr old son. Yes to talking about when they were little. They live it!

Cross post!

Agree with homeworkinghubbard.

Less painful to say you don't like the behaviour than the person.

Agree, home. The phrase "I love you but I don't like you right now..." can be devastating to a child or teen. I found it so hurtful myself. Always focus on the behaviour itself. Eg "When you do xx it upsets me" etc.

Dd1 has bought her first flat I was out with her yesterday helping her pick a sofa and i had a bit huge wobble about her moving out i will probably inwardly wail my baby when she leaves but I guess that is what it is all about you raise them with confidence so they leave happily.

My teens break my hearts as I see their little souls peering out of adult faces. Never expected to find them so heartwarming as teens, probably because my teen years were hellish.
Animals are big in our house. Nothing cheers a surly teen more than a cat story. Ditto dogs and chickens. And telling stories about Theo babyhood. They have heard them all but still smile.
Hot chocolate, hot water bottles, baking together, a shopping trip, cutting them some slack, a shared hobby/ sport. Gilmore girls 😀.Oh and a weekend away, just with them.

Can I just slightly tweak @Blobby10's phrase? I remember my mum saying that to me and found it secretly devastating - she had to love me, but that sentence always made me feel like she didn't want to. I find 'I will always love you, but right now I don't like [this thing you're doing]' works a little better for us. It's such a small difference but it would have meant the world to me at that age.

All these other suggestions are making me with happiness.

Talk to them about when they were little - it's amazing the funny things they remember that I don't!
Ditto shopping / restaurant trips.
I love going out for meals with them together and it occasionally inspires a bit of brotherly love as they now have nothing in common

Oh what a lovely, lovely thread! DD is 7 going on 17 and I've been dreading what she might be like as a teenager. But this has given me hope! Thank you for your words of wisdom and experience

I'm just off to go and sit with my teens on their beds and just talk nonsense. Love snuggling in bed with them in the evenings; only for 15 minutes or so but enough to make sure everything's OK.

Ahh you lovely lot! I am so enjoying having a teen and another on the way... spending time listening & telling them you love them no matter what goes a long long way.

Oh I so needed this thread tonight! My daughter is 12 and pushing me away while I’m desperate to hang on!

Mine are 21, 19 and 17

Three tips from me: 1) Never try and be their best friend 2) never stop hugging them especially the boys and even when they are pushing you away and blocking you out when they are upset. Even if its putting your arm round them AND the duvet when they are under their duvet and hiding their emotions away. 3) And never forget the most valuable saying ever: "I will always love you but right now I dont like you very much because ......................" then explain how what they are doing is upsetting you.

Don’t underestimate how much your teen will enjoy just talking without pressure....inane chat. My dd1 will chilland chat away when lying on my bed together, in the car together etc. 1:1 time. I was lucky and realised that I had to chat with them as I would with adult girlfriends, rather than censor all I said, as I would with kids. We rarely butt heads, but it’s because I’m not on their backs about every little thing but do have rules which I don’t bend on (respectful language, unless joking😁) My youngest is just starting to now hit teens and I’ll have to do the same with her.

1:1 is the key, even if it’s just hanging with them in silence.

Films going out for lunch or dinner find a programme/hobby to bond over don't push them for their time they can get huffy. My eldest is nearly 25 and we get on well i did all of the above I tried to not be their pal though I am not keen on that

Yes we have a family WhatsApp group. It's hard. I feign an interest in my 16 year old's you tube stuff, on line games & memes so that we have something to talk about. I love it when he forgets that he is a grumpy teenager & I can see the lovely little boy again. My older two have come out the other side & are easy & fun again.

It is a lovely thread. My DD is only 17 months (and I'll be ancient by the time she's a teenager ) but I'm filing all this away.

There are always lots of threads about disciplining teenagers and dealing with the problems. I guess that if you do lots of lovely stuff then you have some goodwill 'in the tank' for the tough times?

Haha, the Facebook one is very true! Allow them their privacy. Buy them little treats when you can. Show an interest in their friends, try and be positive, although you’re inwardly screaming “what are you wearing?!!”. We have a family what’s app group that’s good for little family jokes, memes, photos etc.

This is a lovely thread :)

Hmmm... they do like it when you spend lots of money on them. Especially for restaurant food.

Listen, take an interest, even if it's an inconvenient moment.

Try to respect their decisions, even if they are ones you don't like.

If you are on Facebook never ever comment on their photos, status etc.

My DD is 19 now but one of her favourite things still is a late night trip to the supermarket. Not for a massive shop but milk/ bread etc.

We mosey round, chat, giggle and be generally silly. We always buy chocolate which we eat in the car on the way home and don't tell DH.

It sounds mad writing it down but its a lovely memory and I will be sad when she's not at home to come with me.