How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

We always eat together, it’s something we never did when I was a child and I feel really passionately about it.
DS and I will cook sometimes, we both enjoy it and it at least has a sense of purpose (rather than the interminable chats about anime or whatever)
We’ve also bowed to pressure about Cards Against Humanity DS is not quite 14 so it’s not a parenting high I’m terribly proud of, but he was very keen and we realised there was nothing to stop him actually reading them while we were out the house We’ve removed a couple of the most shocking ones and have an understanding that he’s not to ask to play it in front of his DGM, but aside from that it’s a means of him willingly spending time with us (particularly if we also have chocolate )

Can this be moved out of chat so I can refer back to it when my 7 year old is a teen?

Whatever problem you have , I won't nag you and we can deal with it together. It's worked so far and my teenagers talk to me about all kinds of stuff, some of it that amazed me as there was no way I'd have spoken to my distant, emotionally repressed parents about anything.

Watch mock the week together, it's good for laughing together.

We got a dog when DD was 16. Her happiest memories are of us walking on our local marshes. She said even if she was in a bad mood, she always came home feeling better.
It's given her an unexpected love of hiking!

I've realised that the conversations we do have are too often around the dreaded (usually not done) homework, and the hated (usually not done) chores. How depressing. Must try harder.

Am struggling with my 12 yo dd who seems like she doesn’t want to know me unless I’m shelling out for clothes! Lovely thread, thanks for starting it op.

guestofclanmackenzie you are not alone. We hardly see our DSs 17 and 14 as they seem to be out of the house or in their rooms. I think it is largely a teen thing and def worse with boys.

We do seem to be the house that has lots of sleepovers and I do give lots of lifts. I would like to spend more time with our teens though they seem less keen.

I also don’t like the ‘I love you but I don’t like you right now because...’, but that’s probably because it was the only time my mother actually said she loved me so it didn’t ring very true. Like it was something she said so she could get away with telling me she didn’t like me. And as a PP said, the last time she said it, it made me realise I didn’t like her either!

But, taking notes from the rest of the lovely thread

I agree with the taking them out for lunch or a coffee (mine never up in time for breakfast ) on their own. They all love a bit of 1:1 time.
Also to drive them where you can - I learned lots in the car listening to them chatting with friends, and if it is just you and them, they will often talk more openly while you aren't looking at each other.
Also with the telling them you love them, even when you don't like the behaviour at the time.
Also the keep going to watch their sport (and again, the driving part comes in there too).
Try to have a shared interest....... ds and I both watch Match of the Day, and even when he was away at University, we'd have a running WhatsApp conversation about whatever was going on in the matches. Doesn't have to be sport, can be Strictly or whatever their 'thing' is, but it's something to have lots of non threatening / non judgemental chats about.
We've always maintained all eating together at the table too, so everyone touches base once a day, even when they are going through that stage of disappearing to their bedrooms for all the time they are in the house.

guestofclanmackenzie I know exactly what you mean. We almost never see our teen. Food shovelled down in silence, won't be drawn into conversation, and otherwise in room. Then, occasionally, a very chatty hour or so around 10pm when we're usually shattered and can't muster much interest in internet memes.

This is a lovely thread but I feel we're failing.

Agreed Karid1496. DD is same age.

Massive strop on the way home today. (she normally comes home by herself but was meeting me as she is having trouble with a girl in school ) .

The naughty stair stops being effective when your child is taller than you!

Following. DD is 11. Just started secondary school and I'm struggling with knowing when to back off for her and when to be there for her.

Thank you kinraddie.

DD also chooses which radio station to listen to in the car which is often Radio 1, we have a laugh to Grimmy on the way to school. I remember my Dad letting us have Capital Radio on when it first started and we used to have a laugh, singing along to Sparks etc. Happy memories. Another thing DD and I do is nearly always send a text message at bedtime, whatever has happened, its always just emojis, our favourite is unicorn, rainbow, some sort of heart and variations on that theme. I’m going to send one now!

@AuntyElle for board games I would suggest Cluedo or Scotland Yard. Or for a quicker game Yahtzee is fun. Music isn’t something I would say we really share so can’t really help you there.

Lovely parent is not much different throughout the ages really I don't think.
Teens are generally large toddlers. Love and tolerance is required in spades

We've tried to be there when needed but allow space for DD to spread her wings. Lots of encouragement and understanding and remembering it's all a phase. Food, lifts and some cash has kept the communication open and watching DD become a truly lovely young adult makes the huffs, tuts and eye rolls seem a distant memory

I mean it’s a lovely thread but bittersweet!

My DD is only a baby and this has made me all emotional like she’s on the verge of being grown up already

Can anyone help with what kind of board games to share with teens?
Also, this will sound so clueless, but any suggestions as to where to start with music would be very welcome. I'm not aiming to be cool (ha!) but just to have stuff playing to encourage them to find their own music that they love. I'm not sure sticking on Tori Amos and Lambchop will help It's for 14 year old boys.

Don't sweat the small stuff (like the odd swear word) and enjoy their wicked sense of humour, passionate beliefs and conversations and ridiculous unreasonableness!

I found parenting teens the most rewarding and exciting time of all.

Love this thread, my dd is 11 and I am struggling. Lodsof advice for when they are little but none for this age. All those comments are brilliant💖💖

If DS (14) will watch TV with us then we watch what she wants more or less, Ackley Bridge was “our” programme, just the two of us that is, DH had to leave us to it. Having open house to her friends, spare beds and plenty of snacks helps. I like our house to be the one that they want to come to and I drive them round within reason. Mostly I try to say yes to her but I am able to say no

This is a lovely thread but it has made me feel quite sad as its made me realise how little I see of my 2 boys (22 and 15) as they literally spend all their lives when they are at home in their bedrooms! We try and encourage both of them to spend more time downstairs with us but apart from meal times and cleaning up the kitchen (which they do) I barely see them at night and weekends.. I just presumed it was a teenage thing and accepted it.

Agree with others. My dad said' I love you but I don't like you' when I was a teenager. It just made me realise that actually I didn't like him much either! Not helpful and quite upsetting