How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

reading this for advice!

but last weekend ds was stuck on x box and I took him in a bacon sandwich. Then later a hot chocolate, then later some thing else.
(this is not normal, I don't do waiting on bale bodied others)
Each time he looked up and smiled and said - Thanks Mum!

Have filed that one away to use again!

I also make a point of saying how lovely he is in front of others.
We go to church, so standing around drinking coffee afterwards, he will come up to me (to say - can we go home) and I put my arm round his waist and make some daft comment about my lovely boy is SOOO tall! (he is 6 foot). he looks embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

Another thing that has bonded us is having a table tennis table - really!

I feel a tiny bit heartbroken that the childhood days are over....I miss the young baby breath, warm cuddles and easy days to please and delight them. I miss their sticky out tummies, their warm curls and little toys.

I actually almost cried when I saw the delightful toys in GLTC this christmas and realised I will never again by a little kitchen or dolls house...those days for us are drawing to a close.

I have loved every moment of their childhood and now we move on to the next chapter. My dd started her p this week, so quite an eventful and meaningful week in many ways. I don't want to leave the doors of childhood and want it all back. I could howl! But I won't, I will quietly carry on listening, cooking and loving them. Even if my heart seems to break at every next milestone these days as they move away from us slowly.

I WILL learn to like Kiss on the radio, I will not grimace at the endless snapchatting. I will learn to drop everything when she finally opens up and wants to talk, and enjoy shopping trips, coffee shops, pamper nights - fashion, films that do not revolve around disney and most of all I will cherish the new young woman before me ready to fly by herself before long....

I find it easier with DD, but some things I do with DS16 which seem to work are

Lots of hugs (even if he resists!) he often comes and gives me one on his own now.
Commenting on how he is taller and stronger than me.
Asking for help with things that require manly strength
Sharing silly jokes (we have the same sense of humour)
Asking his advice on something
Driving him and his mates to the skatepark after school (producing bags of crisps and energy drinks in the car on the way)...mum you're a 'Leg' (legend)

Things I have not mastered and tend to cause conflict, when I try to offer advice on his love life, or have an opinion (any opinion, good or bad) on his current girlfriend of relationship, or offer any sympathy after a break up....all this just incites anger. This whole area is a no go zone. Although I do comment that I like the way he respects women and values his girlfriend and treats her well.

And she stole my coat once I sent her lots of messages she laughed so hard she nearly fell down the stairs at school her friends didn't get it then they met me and apparently we are both mental

My dd is 17 I send her funny text messages some days yesterday it was from ok to scream how would you like a pusheen Christmas t-shirt reply back was lots of screams but we have the same odd taste in humour

make some little traditions.
sunday morning cuppa outside her room.
a coffee and bacon buttie om bed at weekend.
going out for pizza express every month or any meal.
get into the shows she likes.
ice cream Friday or junk night once a week.
cooking together.anything she wants to learn to cook?
get her to help you in something your doing at work if you can.
keep talking lines open at all times.
teens often cant or feel like they cant come to you with things but will suttly set hint-traps we called them where they will say stuff you wont know you should be picking up on becsue they might need to talk.our often talked bout a story theyd seen or a random topic and too foten we didn't have time ormissed the importance of her bringing it up.remember teens don't say anything they don't need to so when they do its important haha.
does she like doing anything.tennis.cooking.reading that you could take her too or join in.
don't try to be cool but don't ever stop beig uncool.they will push the hugs and pull their noses up at ur kissed and hugs right when it means the most to them.
one to one times.

My biggest piece of advice would be never be too busy for them.

Mine often decide that 11pm on a weeknight when their dad an I are watching something we have recorded earlier on TV Is the time to come and chat utter crap about their day. I pause the TV and listen to them. Every single time. It's bloody frustrating when you are knackered and just want to relax, but it is so important to make sure they know you are there and you are listening. If you do that for the non important stuff, they will feel much more able to come to you when they NEED you.

When on long car journeys we take in in turns choosing songs, I have learnt to enjoy a lot of their music and they have also developed a taste for some of ours.

Mine are now at university but I must say I loved the teen years.

I found them and all their mates funny and energetic and creative. But then I don't mind mess, noise and naval gazing .

Lots of the above really.

Taking an interest in their 'oh so' important rambling abouts games/youtube/memes.
(I still don't understand most of what they are explaining in great detail)

1:1 time very important even if it is just when in the car driving them somewhere.

Shared tv programs, mind don't really watch telly, but they like to watch stuff with us, things like, task master, the apprentice, bake off, robot wars. If one of them is busy when it's scheduled then we all agree a time to watch it on catch up, even if they end up lounging on our bed and watching it, as dh and me have turned in for the night.

AuntyElle ask about music, just start by finding out what they listen to. Once you take and interest and not criticise it. They'll tell more over time, then you can say things like oh that's a remake of .......or whatever.
Ds1 played one of his music play lists in the car the other day. It was great! There was dubstep, nine inch nails, Jonny cash, gorillas, The animals, bricks and mortar, some familiar recent chart songs I don't know the name of, the list was a real mix.

I'm not saying life is a bed of roses, they can still be sulky teens and kick off about stuff, and they spend a lot of time in their rooms or out. But it is nice to see them being human and wanting to talk to us.

We eat together each evening, sometimes they don't have anything to say other times they chew your ear off.

On the positive side we have taken a couple of his friends on holiday with us and they all want to do it again next year so we can't be that bad!

Lovely thread but making me sad!

DS is 16. Won't come to the cinema. Won't come out for coffee or a meal. Won't come out for a walk. Banned us from coming to watch sport years ago although doesn't play much now anyway. Wouldn't do a Xmas market. Or any trip out. Drives me mad. But DH is the same.

However DS and I are going to Dublin to visit my dad when school breaks up and I know he wants to check out Trinity College in Dublin so we will have a day out then.

Might also get DH on board to do a cinema and MacDonalds trip.

Memories of insisting we went into our local town for the switching on if the Xmas lights and Xmas market and they both sulked all the way around.

Need to find more to to watch with him. Currently we watch Graham Norton together but that about it.

Oh and definitely bedtime chat to make sure all is ok

Idle chat - daily
Movie + pizza night at home - weekly
Watch daft makeup tutorials with them
Try out makeup on each other
They love the Xmas markets . Let them fill up on pancakes and other sweet stuff
Go to the cinema with them
It’s hard to be ‘fun and approachable ‘ and also enforce concrete boundaries at the same time but it’s doable !

My DS (16) is in charge of the playlist at a party this weekend. He asked me this morning if I had 'any suggestions'. I feel like we have turned a corner in our relationship!

I think having a pet has really helped DD as she is sort of an “only” because her older brother has severe ASD and does not live at home. Having the cat to love and talk to has really helped her. On the other hand, the hamster has been less successful! 🐹

Trying to keep doing things together is a great idea.
Over the next month or so DD17 and I have planned
A Christmas market
A garden centre that does nice Christmas decorations and has a cafe.
Afternoon tea, with DH also
A spa half day
A visit to Chatsworth for the Christmas Dickens style event.
Meeting with my friend and her DD for a drink
Cinema to watch Bad Mom's Christmas
Sunday lunch with whole family and niece and her family
A panto with niece and family
All are afternoon/evening. Not doing the stress of getting her up early that would ruin it all. Still leaves her tons of time hanging out doing nothing much with mates

Oh and I stopped buying her vests!!

Oh and I do her nails every Sunday during the Strictly results show. She was a terrible nail biter until a year ago and the incentive to stop was a weekly manicure (just very simple with clear nail varnish). I have bought her a very simple white gold ring for Christmas too (well it's from the cat actually).

DD (13) gets taken a cuppa every morning by DH, she says she 'can't get out of bed without one' - he's making me one at the same time of course.
She has a say in what we eat, what we watch on TV etc otherwise she'd just watch TV in her room (and although I hate X Factor and The Voice, she loves them so we compromise).

I also ALWAYS feed her friends, to the point that I'll also make a cake or pudding when she has friends for dinner/tea as it makes her happy.

When we are on holiday everyone gets a day trip choice, we were in Austria in the summer and she chose one of those toboggan rides down the side of a mountain, it was fab but not what I'd have chosen.

I'm also very open to sleepovers here, she's an only child and I think she appreciates fellow teen company at weekends etc.

I went to see Thor Ragnarok with her two weeks ago!!

I try not to openly judge or criticise her friends (one in particular can be difficult), I let her moan/rant about them at times and make gentle suggestions as to how she can work things out despite me thinking inside 'you'd be better off without her'.

Lovely thread, op.

Tap into their world.

I have snapchat and instagram, we have a 'streak' and swap 'memes' and send each other weird photos.

Value their interests (I've spent hours watching boring Xbox games and getting enthusiastic when he 'ranks up')

Or helping DD find the right light for her next 'selfie'

I buy their special treats when shopping, (food is another key interest!) they always appreciate a surprise in the cupboard for them.

I tell them I love them every day, I remind them what I admire about them, I say things like 'I wish I could be more like that'

I try not focus on the self-centredness of teens, I know this will pass. I to respect them and never undermine them. We make decisions together, I never forbid things, guided to make decisions they always make sensible ones.

I can honestly say the teen years have been my favourite of all the stages.