How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

Try Ackley Bridge too. It's my and DD's programme

OMG what is it with teens and Love Island. Can't see the appeal at all but like you say it's sitting with them and being together and then we have something to chat about.

If you can afford it, I'd definitely say take her on a little trip! I used to love weekends with my mother when I was younger, it was sometimes abroad but other times it was in the UK. I found this blog post recently: www.proudmummy.com/blog/23828/how-to-travel-on-a-tight-holiday-budget and it might give you some ideas if you go away!! I love Berlin and Krakow if you need an idea of somewhere to go! I also love York or Birmingham (for shopping!) x

Sorry meant something like this GrumpySquirrel.

How about this? GrumpySquirrel

Aw GrumpySquirrel that's so sweet.

Not ever saying no. Being part of the figuring out.

Oh I meant to say thank you to @hmmmmm for the fold down desk suggestion. She did have one underneath a cabin bed, but now has a large single bed (MUJI bed) so there isn’t actually enough wall space for a desk even a fold down one. A fold UP one might work..

Back to topic - tonight she let me get in bed with her and chat and cuddle then she didn’t want to let me go! A year or so ago I would have been moaning about having to get on with things.. now I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

steppemum well said, you are so right.**
I just feel for some parents (could be me one day) who would read this thread and think we’re a bunch of smug fuckers who haven’t had too many challenges.**

Davros - yes and no.
one thing I have learnt is that I can make situations worse or better, and many times I, as the adult, do have the choice to let things go, to show love even when they are unloveable, to choose to put aside the irritation, and give love.

I can still reach out, again and again and again, because they are my child, and if I don't, well, no-one else is.

Of course there are the extremes and my heart has gone out to some of those on the teenagers threads, but most kids aren't at the extremes. They are just muddling along as we are.

And even those who do reject, need to hear, in the middle of their rejection, that your love isn't going to go away, and that hime is a safe place to come back to.

Reading with interest.

placemarking. we need all the help we can get.

One thing that’s been on my mind is that there is some luck involved in this. If your teen rejects you, shuts you out, lies or even worse it’s a much harder game. I read some of the stories on the Teenagers threads and it fills me with dread. DD is 14 now and so far it’s been pretty good but I don’t flatter myself that it’s all down to our good parenting.

Fantastic ideas for those of us not yet at this stage. Pleased it's in Classics (well done @Mrsfloss)

Oh yes to the super welcoming of friends. Have done Xmas/ Easter / Halloween etc parties since DD was 3 and not stopped as her friends love them so much. I find that when I'm cooking in the kitchen one or other of them will come hang out with me just to chat. Love it 😁

I agree with no pukers in cars!

Abra1d agree.

We've always been super welcoming to mates and have ferried, collected etc. We're relaxed about how many crash here. The only rule is that I won't collect a puking drunk - never been broken yet.

Always have an open door to their friends. My children’s friends seemed to like me talking to them, too, and showing an interest. My daughter liked that.

I mostly liked the teenage years. They are funny people to have around.

ds was at football training this morning, I was out and about in the car.
He cycles to football, and as I was coming home I realised it had been raining for the last 2 hours and he would be wet and cold.

So I stopped by the football pitch in the car, put the back seats down for his bike and waited for him to finish.

The look on his face made it 100% worth it!

Fold down I mean

GrumpySquirrel would a good down desk work for dd? Like this?

My dss are 20 and 17. 20 year old is at uni but comes home a lot. We're very close and have a similar soh. 17 year old has depression and had trouble socialising but is improving with professional help and our support. I play pool with him and he comes to cinema and events with me. We go for meals and play board games. He has a friend over too.

They both still come away with me and dh. Usually in the UK as they have uni and college.

Anne that sounds lovely 😊 my dd is 12.5 and my height... soon to be taller! She has her period already and can be very moody and sullen but if you can make her laugh she is lovely again. I wish I had more time to do things with her 😭 she doesn’t even want to sleep in my bed anymore when dh is away 😔 enjoy it while it lasts!

We redecorated her room this year which she loved but it’s not big enough for a desk so I feel guilty about that - she does homework on living room table (dining table) where the family computer is.

Want to think of more nice things to bond over not just buying her stuff. I wish she’d talk to me more. She’s not into you tube or anything like that but we do watch Harry Potter or Gilmore girls together.

Dh is the cook in our house but we both work FT and so it’s a struggle to have healthy** yummy dinners ready every night. I like the idea of a Friday night treat.

Thanks for this thread!

My biggest tip is to not sweat the small stuff - a daily challenge. I'm hot on manners and still expect it when friends are visiting too like laying the table and thanking me for their meal etc and bringing their cups/ plates down from their room / study. Happy for them to eat upstairs as they lay on the floor and watch YT whilst eating sandwiches etc and they love that autonomy.

One tip I've started doing since year 6 SATS is to cook their favourite meals / snacks when they have exams on so every year in the summer for two weeks we eat DD fave meals. She's not keen on quiche or shepherds pie for example so cooking those would cause an "Uh not that again" and communication would shut down. It's important she feels less stressed me on the other hand can't wait for exams to be over so I can calm down

I also put little jokes or fortune cookie slips in her lunchbox so she knows I'm thinking of her. On her birthday I put Birthday confetti in her lunchbox and a party napkin. Christmas / Easter the same. If it's one of her friends birthdays she's allowed to choose a packet of chocolate bars (kitkats, clubs etc) to take to school and share with the group - they love this and think she's cool so of course I get kudos from DD.

I pick up DD and a friend every afternoon from school (friends parents do morning run) and always bring cool snacks like iced buns or Oreo cookies as always starving. On Fridays it's always a chocolate bar like a curlywurly or dairy milk. In the summer on hot days I bring ice pops in a cool bag. I always find them chatty and receptive after they've had their snack and love those 15 minute drives.

On Fridays at home DD have hot chocolates with squirts cream and extras like choc chips/ marshmallows/ mini meringues etc and call it hot chocolate with "gubbins" and we catch up briefly on the week and she shows me YT funnies and introduces me to new concepts.

We took her to watch her fave YTuber in a live show and she was so excited and chuffed and we actually loved it too and enjoyed the chat on the 4 hour journey there and 4 hours back. What was cool was it was on a school night so we brought pillows and blankets so she could nap in the back.

If DH is away overnight she will share my bed and watch girly movies that DHs not so keen on.

DD and I have a special knock that we do when she's in bed and I'm in the bathroom next door cleaning my teeth. It shows I'm thinking of her and it's a kind of extra goodnight thing we do.
I also whisper in her ear when she's at that dozy just about to drop off to sleep time of slumber that I love her and that she is amazing. She nods and smiles but I know she then goes to bed happy and loved.

Even though she's taller than me I still love to hug her like a child and and if she's upset with a bitchy friend I can pull her on my lap still and hold her close and let her talk. Not done that for aaages although hug daily.

So much more but I've already written an essay plus DH has special things he has for just him and DD too. Love these teen years so far but it's early days as not at GCSE year yet and she's yet to start her P so know that will bring different emotions - eeek!! Every day at a time is my mantra. And every day a fresh new day.