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Original poster

The Mumsnet Commandments of Housekeeping

129 replies

Bitchfromhell · 16/07/2017 17:05

  1. Thou shalt not bleach thine pants.

No matter if they are your good m&s ones, and even if they are quite new and only a little bit grey. Thou shalt invoke the wrath of thine fanjo Angry no matter how well thou thinkest they have been rinsed.

Please add your own Housekeeping Commandments, borne out of bitter experience, as a checklist for those of us hard of brain cell. And so I don't feel quite so alone in my idiocy.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 16/07/2017 22:57

Thou shalt grab thine husband by the scruff of his neck say

Behold the Washer of Clothes and Dryer of Clothes. They are to operated by Man as well as Woman

Galaxyfarfaraway · 16/07/2017 22:54

😂😂😂

WellWhoKnew · 16/07/2017 22:52

Thou shalt not washest thoust towels on the sabbath day. Cleanliness is nexteth to Godliness...

0nline · 16/07/2017 22:46

And lo the Pixies of the Internet did decree that talking about Housework Commandments was much more important than actually doing them.

Lets us place down the rubber gloves of toil, to take a moment to reflect and be grateful for this gift of keyboard and screen.

Our MNHQ who art in the Tower,
Naice Blue be thy various moderators' names

Thy ad revenue come.
Thy talk guidelines be done
on AIBU as it is in Sleb Twaddle.

Give us this day our active threads,
and forgive us our Troll Hunting,
as we forgive those who Troll Hunt against us,

and lead us not into temptation in the LIDL Oasis Of Random Stuff
but deliver us from yet another dust gathering Style & Beauty recommendation

For thine is the Server,
and the Tech Shed, and the Gin Cupboard,
for ever and ever

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 16/07/2017 22:46

*on Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 16/07/2017 22:45

Thou shalt definitely not sprinkle salt and white wine one those garments that thine has previously sloshed red wine onto. It won't work Hmm

OP posts:
PosiePootlePerkins · 16/07/2017 22:41

This thread is Grin

healthyheart · 16/07/2017 22:35

Thou musteth wash household items in the dishwasher; the likes of the kitchen bins, dog bowls, toothbrushes, etc.

Imbroglio · 16/07/2017 22:30

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours dropped curb.

puckingfixies · 16/07/2017 22:18

Thou shalt not use Fairy Liquid in the dishwasher (seemed like a good idea at the time).

Vonklump · 16/07/2017 22:11

How canst mere wannabe disciples ascertain what a spider Willy is?

PortiaCastis · 16/07/2017 22:09

Grin Flora of zo
That made me laugh !

villainousbroodmare · 16/07/2017 21:23

Thou shalt furthermore daily anoint thy dwelling house, thy midden heap, thy chamberpots, thy sluices and verily each and every chattel of thy home with essence of the Flora of Zo, lest thy neighbours perceive thee to be less fragrant than themselves.

Kwackerly · 16/07/2017 21:14

Thou shalt not hoard, not shall thee keep for best, but use thy things for their intended purpose in a timely manner.

NorthernLurker · 16/07/2017 21:13

Thou shalt not render unto thy precious offspring the breakfast cereal that is made from the fruit of the cocoa bean. Unless it is holiday time.

OstentatiousWanking · 16/07/2017 21:12

Verily a penis beaker shall be placed by the side of those in righteous post coital sleep.

0nline · 16/07/2017 21:12

villainousbroodmare

I should not Grin -ith at the Holy Scripture of Mumsnet. But I cannot helpith mineself. For thy art verily a Good Woman who blesses us with mucho mirth.

Imbroglio · 16/07/2017 21:02

And lo, a small Aldi chicken shall feed seven times seven, unto the seventh son.

villainousbroodmare · 16/07/2017 20:56

Thou shalt engage a cleaner to exert herself mightily, achieving in two feverish hours a week what thou cannot in the remaining one hundred and sixty six. Thou shalt most foully test her mettle by leaving an entrapment farthing 'neath the sofa, thereby vouchsafing her strength, thoroughness and honesty. Should the farthing remain in place, thou shalt not know whether to fire her for not lifting the sofa, or keep her for her trustiness.

topcat2014 · 16/07/2017 20:47

Thou shall not eateth mechanically reclaimed meat in any of thy formeth.

SpottedGingham · 16/07/2017 20:39

Thou shalt ask on mn before setting foot in Messrs Aldi, ikea, Iceland et al.

JaneJeffer · 16/07/2017 20:25

Thou shalt purge thy dwelling of every piece of thine offspring's artwork.

0nline · 16/07/2017 20:14

Thou shalt draw comfort in the days of smallish children. When cleaning feels like shovelling snow while it still snowith.

For lo ! In the horizon is the Miracle of Puberty.

From high shalt come down the password of the wifi. Which thou shalt keep safe.

And dangle with menace.

Thus thou shalt be blessed by muttering, grumpy, but compliant sproglets. Who shalt empty dishwashers, load washing machines, mop, sweep and fold. Lest they should lose the Great Connectivity In the Sky and be forced to actuallly talk to their family rather Whatsapp relentlessly.

SingaSong12 · 16/07/2017 20:02

Thou shaltest complain bitterly about thine OH not doing their fair share of the housework whilst simultaneously complaining bitterly that thine OH did not follow the MN bible and thou had to reclean last time OH did clean.

Spudlet · 16/07/2017 19:55

Thou shalt not dry thy pants on the washing line, unless thou canst concealth them on a rotary drier behind some less offensive garment.

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