What are your best Total Brain Farts?

I went to get the washing out of the washing machine after a long wash only to find I hadn't put the clothes in. Made tea without t-bags, found a packet of biscuits in the laundry basket. I found a sponsor form in the bathroom cabinet I'd been looking for for ages. Was with my mum in a dry cleaners when they asked for her address.She gave one that she hadn't lived in for over 30 years.

"I've got all the shoes!"

I took ds2 for his first lot of vaccinations. The receptionist quite reasonably asked his name. I said Baby. She looked at me and then gently asked his full name. I panicked and said Baby Squizz. We both looked at my sleeping son for a moment and then I triumphantly said "Middle name Squizz! No! But nearly!" I then laughed hysterically. The lovely receptionist kindly said "First name?" I nearly kissed her.

A really stressful, awkward, important phone call years ago to a possible new employer. It went OK...until the end when the time came to say goodbye. I forgot the word for goodbye (as you do) so said "thanks very much, that's great, hello" AT THE END OF THE CALL.
Didn't get the job.

HV asked me what DS1 dob was - my mind was a total blank. I blurted out our Wedding Anniversary date instead, then had to back track and admit I couldn't remember but it was a similar date! Mortified.

A few months ago I was rushing to get dressed for work, sat on the bed and put my outdoor shoes on despite wearing no trousers/jeans on my legs. Not a good look.

Floor cardigan!!!

Crikey, I'm glad my wee wee woo woo brain fart has given so many people a giggle. I still randomly snort when I remember it.

I was literally crying with laughter on the bus this morning. I must have looked insane.....

A wee wee a woo woo and floor cardigan

Still making me smile now.

A wee wee a woo woo

Earlier this year I asked a hairdresser for a cut and blowjob over the phone. Obviously I was meant to say blow dry.

My excuse was that I was on a lot of very strong painkillers at the time!

I have done a lot of these.
I regularly use my mobile phone instead of the mouse and wonder why the cursor isn't moving.

I proudly took newborn dd1 out in her pram to the shops and returned home vaguely aware I had forgotten something...she was still parked outside the shop where I had left her.

I forgot one. When I was in hosp just after having dd the midwife took her so I could get a few hours sleep. We were having trouble establishing bf so midwife said she'd give dd a bit of formula and wake me when she next needed feeding.

Midwife came to wake me up:

MW: Paddy, dd's hungry. Do you want to try and feed her?
Me: Yes. Sorry, who do you want me to feed?
MW: Dd.
Me:Who's dd?
MW: I'll give her some formula, you go back to sleep.
Me: Zzzzzzzzzz

My notes mentioned I was so confused and disorientated with lack of sleep I'd forgotten I'd given birth.

I'm surprised they let me take her home and even more surprised she's survived until 4.5.

I'm absolutely crying at some of these and quite relieved that I'm not the only one to have these moments of madness!!

I regularly get cross when by front door won't open when I press the button on my car key. This happens at least once a week.

I've also blocked a debit card by putting my phone pin into the card machine. I was paying for petrol too so couldn't just walk out and leave it! I had my credit card on me but had no clue what the pin was (mines the second card on dh's account) so had to phone dh to ask. I'm going red just thinking about the queue that was building up behind me.

I used to work in entertainment and had an audition for a job as a dancer in a show team. When we got to the interview section, they asked me to tell them about my dance training and qualifications. I went utterly blank and blurted out, "I've got all the shoes!"

Can't believe I actually got the job. That was 15 years ago and DH still brings it up at every social event we go to

I turned up late for work the other day. Reason? Traffic. The boss drives the same way as me and questioned it because he'd had a clear run.

I had to admit to him that the 'Traffic' was on the way from our old offices to the new ones. Yes, I'd gone to work at the old office, which is about 25 miles away and in the wrong direction. We moved offices 3 years ago.

A wee wee a woo woo is up there with Angela Hernandez. Thank for you the best laugh on a day when I really need it xx

I threw my socks in the loo the other night whilst getting ready for bed. It's not even in the same room as the laundry basket.

I tried to open the driver's door with the ignition key. On my test. The examiner, bless him, pretended he hadn't seen.

I also, in conversation with DP, revealed that I had vaguely thought spinning classes were something to do with, well, spinning. I hadn't really given it much thought tbh but if pressed had pictured something a bit like the whirling dervishes...

Also couldn't seem to read the word cow. Coo and cwow but not cow

I'm absolutely wetting myself! I called ds 'she' and 'her' for about 3 months. Still do and he's 6 months old now! And once I tried to say rotating and really couldn't do I ended up saying 'oh ay ee'

Many times I've forgotten where I live and end up at a place I've not lived at for years too! I've also forgotten to pick dd1 up from school thinking she had after school club when In fact she's not been at after school club since november

I had a week where I couldn't say 'tortoise'. It kept coming out as 'tortle, no, turtuss'. I can't remember why I was trying to say tortoise so much but it was annoying.

One night I stomped back to bed really annoyed that I'd had to get up to settle a crying baby because its parents were ignoring it. Once back in bed, I remembered that the baby was DD and I was her parent

I poured my vodka and tonic into my bolognese sauce the other night. Actually didn't seem to ruin it either!

I'm sorry to bring down what is a very funny thread but do you think this is what it must be like to have dementia? Only more relentless? The early stages anyway.
I sometimes get that really confused thing when I very first wake up and think it must be horrible to be in a constant state of feeling like that.

I am trying to put the baby to sleep but I keep shaking with laughter and waking him up. He then looks bemused and laughs too, before devolving into sobs again as he is so tired.

I once came out of the supermarket with a trolley full of shopping. I couldn't for the life of me get the car boot open to put the shopping in!

Eventually I noticed the number plate.

Not my car.

When ds1 was little, we didn't co-sleep all the time, but did sometimes. One night I turned over in bed, and lifted ds1 over at the same time, carefully supporting his head. Then I woke up properly, and realised that ds1 was in his cot, and I had carefully lifted and supported the teddy bear.

I also remember signing my maiden name on the transaction slip when buying something, the cashier pointed out the name didn't match the card. I exclaimed " oh god, sorry it's my maiden name"

He responded with " oh just married" with a kindly smile. I felt quite embarassed when I said " well no it's been six years actually" .