What are your best Total Brain Farts?

Got into the shower with my glasses on.
Forgetting I haven't got my glasses on (in the shower) and trying to push them up on the bridge of my nose.
Putting my glasses down and losing them and panicking, before realising I have put them back on because I can see!

Last week I was going to the local shops. It was a nice warm day and I had a few bits to get so thought I'd take my little shopping trolley to make it easier. Took a while to find the trolley in the garage, but eventually I unearthed it, grabbed my keys and walked down the road. I was 3/4 of the way there when I thought of something else I might need, and remembered I had one of those fold-up shopping bags in my handbag. And then realised that my handbag was at home. With my phone and my purse and my extra shopping bags in it.

Completed travel insurance form and passed it back to post office clerk who studied it and asked "how old are you ?"
"55"
"You're not 56?"
"No"
"You've put your date of birth as ##/##/##"
"Yes that's right"
"That means you're 56. You'll be 57 in November"
"Will I ? Good grief"

Dropped the kids at school, rushed back to car and got in quickly out of the rain. Put my hands forward to grab the steering wheel which is when I suddenly realised I'd got in the back seat.

A wee wee a woo woo I'm crying, I'm laughing so much at these but really quietly so as not to wake the baby but I told DH some and now we're both silently shaking with laughter in bed in the dark

Magenta, Quim and Nina - I LUV yr stories - I felt a bit under the weather before I saw these threads and now I feel rather fab having laughed OUT LOUD!!!!! This the best!!!!!!!!!

Me (female!) making a very quick phone call to my brother at work and saying to the switchboard gal, Hello this is my brother, can I speak to her sister Ray please.........

2nd example - I can NEVER remember the word Provisional so, say, I want to remember the the word to ask for example, can I make a provisional appt for blah please, I FIRSTLY have to say to myself Provisonal Driving Licence, Provisional Driving Licence, Provisional Driving Licence. If I don't, recite that, I find myself saying can I make an appt, you know, an appt I can confirm later on when I ring you again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My best/worst was probably answering the phone at a shop I worked in. It was Adam's Kids.

"Hello, Nina's Dundee, Adam speaking how can I help?"

There was a moment of silence at the other end but I just pretended I hadn't said anything so stupid and waited for them to speak.

That reminds me of the time I went to band practice without my instrument or music. And I didn't even have any kids back then...

In the newborn haze with DD1 we had to take the dog to the vet for her jabs. We were ready in record time, no last minute nappies or vomit cleans, nothing.
We congratulated ourselves in being so brilliant - clearly getting on fine with this parenting malarkey.
We were half way down the drive before we realised we hadn't actually brought the dog.

DS 4 and new DS.... DS4 runs past me and I catch him and try really really fucking hard to put a hat for a 5lb baby on DS4's head!! I was sooooo annoyed that it wouldn't go on!!!
Was talking to someone so very distracted!!!

I was shopping with my friend and commented how cool the music was that was playing in every store we went into - like it was weird how every shop seemed to be playing my favourite tunes. in fact I was amazed in one shop because they played a really obscure but awesome song.

Friend then pointed out my Spotify was playing in me bag on my tablet.

This morning on the way to school we were talking about DD2 s litergy tomorrow (catholic school).
She was telling me that one of her friends had to carry the world in. Cue me and DD1 looking at each other like , until DD1 pipes up with, "do you mean a world ball?".
Took us a good few minutes to figure out that she meant a globe.

Crying!

This thread is reminding me of

" Hi, I'm Angela Hernandez "

And the tears that streamed down my face on that thread. I think it's in classics now

I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked that I had a random bloke in bed with me. I then realised that I had no clothes on. I spent the next 15min lying so still in bed trying not to wake the stranger up, whilst frantically trying to figure out 1) what I was going to tell dh when he got in from work 2) who the hell this man waa.
It wasn't until morning when I had properly woken up that I realised it was dh in bed next to me all along!

I was in Paris, trying to buy a DVD at HMV. Came to put my pin in and had a total mind blank. I had to walk all the way back to my apartment, get cash, and walk back (about a 30 minute round trip). It was like my muscle memory just seized up!

Popping toddler DD in the bath with her socks still on - we looked at each other like 'that's not right' and then it clicked. Done it more than once though.

Not me - my mum.

My mum - Marie
Her boss - Martha

If people rang and said is that Martha she would always reply with 'no it's Marie.'

She did this quite a lot.

One day someone rang up and said is that Marie?

My mums reply 'no it's martha'.

No idea why she forgot who she was.

*not real names

Not me but dh. Bought me a bar of chocolate as a surprise. He decided to hide it. Unfortunately his hiding place was in the airing cupboard, on top of the radiator. It was the middle of Winter!

I'm crying reading these - brilliant!
I've taken the dog to the dog groomers, left him and got home then spent a frantic 15 minutes searching for the dog, calling his name, thinking he's been stolen / escaped from the garden etc before realising that the reason there wasn't a dog to greet me when I came home was because I'd just dropped him off. Done it twice now. 🙄

I've done more of these than I want to admit, it's a running joke in the house and my nickname is often Dappymoo

One of the times I'm never allowed to forget is when I tried to make a cake, following the recipe carefully it said to place 6 eggs in a bowl & stir... So I did, complete eggs in shells 😂 DH came into the kitchen 15mins later to see me stirring 6 eggs with shells on in a bowl and asked WTF I was doing and couldn't stop laughing when I said I was filling the recipe and it said to add 6 eggs and stir. In my defence the recipe never said to crack them first 😂

I've forgotten kids in various places, put shopping away in the wrong places, used my mobile to text DH that I've forgotten my phone and not to bother texting me, turned up on the wrong day/month for appointments etc etc It's embarrassing but the family have an endless source of amusement 😂

Was reading these out to DH and got to the handwriting one. "True," says DH, "People just don't type much these days."
🙄

Couldn't remember the word for toilet. It's now known as the Poo Bin in this house.

When very pregnant I couldn't remember the words for TV or remote, so just gestured in that general direction. I explained to DH that it was ok, I was just having trouble with my speak mouth.