What are your best Total Brain Farts?

When I was about 14 I couldn't remember the word 'crown'. After lots of umming, ahhing and wild gesturing 'king hat' was the best I could come up with. My mum still finds it funny now. I'm 32!

On a flight back home, filling in the wee form that asks for your experiences and enters you into some competition or other, fiancé put the council's phone number instead of our number. The council's number doesn't even begin the same as ours. Once I hunted for hours for my cofffee spoon/tamper thingy, checked the bin and everything. Only found it when I finally admitted defeat and decided to measure out an espresso with an ordinary spoon. It was in the espresso jar in the fridge.

Read this thread earlier and remembered plenty of possible submissions for it but can't recall them now so will add more when I remember.

that should say this is* the thread where the op replied to herself several years later.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_advice_tips/752184-hauck-stroller-pound-25-Asda?msgid=63930120

This isn't the thread where the op replied to herself several years later.

These had me hyperventilating with laughter.

Ones I can remember (because they're embarrassingly recent are)

1. Freaked out because I couldn't find the baby (still 7months pregnant, so baby was safely tucked inside me)
2. Got lost on my way home. From a job I'd worked at for 10 years, to a house I'd bought 4 years prior.
3. Sent an email to a random selection of clients with some highly confidential business information, then having to explain to board of directors that my 'mind had just gone blank'. Their faces are forever etched on my mind.

Back in the days when mobile phones were more brick-like, I was rummaging around in my handbag for my mobile. I'd managed to not only pack the house phone (oh yes), but also the remote control for the TV (which to be fair looked really similar) as well as my mobile. I'd wondered why my bag felt so heavy

Excellent thread.

Omg this thread has been making me laugh out loud all day, actually crying on the train right now 😂 a wee wee, a woo woo 😂😂

I've had to stop reading as I'm crying with laughter in the lunch room at work! People must think I'm having a breakdown!

Anyway, I frequently put kisses on the end of work emails. Mortifying.

When I was pregnant with dts, I spent a full 30 mins looking for my gloves that were on my hands already.

About two weeks ago I was sat on the phone inline to speak to a doctor as I was gravely concerned that my wee was green, it wasn't until he asked me how long it had been going and if was only certain times of the day, when it registered in my brain that it only happend at work as they have just started using blue cleaning fluid, what does blue and mixed together make? Yep green, I apologised for wasting his time he couldn't stop laughing.

Floor cardigan :o

God, the bellend one has absolutely done me in.

walking around constantly holding a bellend

that has set me off again RedDahlia

I once forgot the word 'bread' while DH was writing the shopping list and waffled on about "...we need... you know ...sandwich making equipment!"

It was 2005. It still goes down as SME on our shopping list.

DH in a fug of having a newborn, took the toaster into the bathroom to have a shower.

I once asked a friend to pass me the circular spatula as I was cooking. There was a long pause as he looked around then said "do you mean the spoon?"

And when I was at school, I handed in a project on earthquakes. I proudly asked my teacher if he liked the picture on the front. He went and said "that's a volcano".
"Yes, I know!"
"... The project is on earthquakes?"
"Yup!"

He looked baffled and took it off me. Seriously, it was WEEKS before the penny dropped for me! I was 14!

I once was a member of a weight loss forum.

I replied to a woman who was asking for advice on how to lose the last 7 pounds of weight as she had reached a plateau.

I wrote out a detailed reply to her, giving her advice and tips and gave her a sample weekly food plan that I had been following.

When I returned to the forum to see if she had replied to me or thanked me for my help, there was no word from her. I was a bit miffed as I had gone to a lot of trouble to write my response.

It was only when I looked at her post closely, I realised it was ME who had written the original post asking for advice from a year ago!!

it feels like I'm walking around constantly holding a bellend". There was a rather awkward silence after that one I can tell you.

Howling!!

"Great BABY Jesus" ffs

Also remember starting out as a freelancer and a client I had been trying to woo for more regular work got in touch to ask about it via text. Too outing to say what the work was but in the area of theology.

I can't remember what I was actually trying to text her, but what I actually DID text back is etched in my mind forever...

"Great Bab Jesus!"

Just that.

Quite recently I took 2 teabags out of my tea caddy, popped them in the teapot, carefully balanced the tea caddy lid on top of the teapot and then poured the kettle of boiling water into the tea caddy. It wasn't until the caddy was about to spill over with "turbo tea" that I realised what I was doing.

Think I really needed a cuppa that day..!

This is totally outing but I really don't care!

I was on holiday with an ex boyfriend and my mum (she was a saint), and the weather had been a bit pants for a few days but I was desperate to go snorkelling- however the bad weather meant zero visibility. Anyway!

Day 4 and it's a gorgeous sunny day and I excitedly shout out 'yay we can go snorkelling'!! 😃 only my brain said 'yay we can go nergelling like what is that?? It even made it into my mums speech at my wedding last year!

Mine's not as good as many on this thread, but...

A while ago we going to drive into London and I checked the oil level before we left.

When we'd travelled a reasonable way on the motorway, had got into London and paused at traffic lights, smoke started to come out of the air vents, which was a bit concerning. At the next lights smoke starts billowing out of the bonnet. We panic and pull the car off the road and evacuate the children from the back. We open the bonnet to discover: I had forgotten to put the oil cap back on! When the engine got hotter while we were stopped oil had started to splash all over the engine.

What was remarkable was that I had left the cap balanced on the engine and it had slid down and got caught at a certain point, so it was still there. If it had taken any other trajectory off the engine it would have fallen to the ground and we'd have lost it.

We cleaned the engine as best we could and carried on. I spent the rest of the journey saying 'I'm such an idiot!' at regular intervals!

The car smelt of smoke for about a month until it all finally burned off!

To all onlookers I was just a lady curled around her pram (to stop people stealing my baby) in the middle of a field. How no one called the police on me is beyond me!

I've had to stop reading as I'm howling next to a sleeping baby