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Original poster

Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

336 replies

KERALA1 · 26/06/2017 08:54

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

OP posts:
Bumbumtaloo · 26/06/2017 18:41

accidentalgrownup my dh is one of the most laid back people I have ever met but he gets almost Incredible Hulk rage when our dd's mix the colours of the play doh Grin (not at our dd's I should add).

YesMadamDeputySpeaker · 26/06/2017 18:36

No talk of toilet functions or vomit at the dinner table, please and thank you.

DH's golf balls are not to be touched, after the time DS crept up behind me as I was seated on the floor and smashed it into my teeth.

No sticking your willy to your ankle. Ha - that is one loooong willy Grin

DandelionAndBedrock · 26/06/2017 18:35

No whistling between 10pm and 10am.

DP will occasionally claim "Australia time" but generally decides it isn't worth the sulk I go into. I can't whistle and I get really jealous Grin.

awesomeness · 26/06/2017 18:35

No shitting in the downstairs toilets

No crumpets

No xylophones

BillStickersIsInnocent · 26/06/2017 18:26

No fort building right at the top of the stairs.
No sticking your willy to your ankle. Or anywhere, for that matter.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 26/06/2017 18:24

Porterage charge for towels left in bedrooms - £1 per towel....(dd had 10 in her room last week).....or equivalent cost in labour....
Shut sitting room door if not in it as ddog steals the remote control and hides it.

Notonyournellly · 26/06/2017 18:19

Don't leave used tissues, cotton buds, cotton wool pads or similar in a dog-height waste paper bin. They will eat them and leave chewed bits all over the floor.

Hide nice food in a dark cupboard behind the onions and potatoes, they will last much longer

accidentalgrownup · 26/06/2017 18:18

My DH isn't allowed to use cling film never mind under 8's!! Grin

No mixing of play doh colours it drives mummy insane.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/06/2017 18:11

This brings back fond memories of when my two (now in their 20s) were little!

Don't leave a bottle of sun cream in the same room as a sofa and a toddler while you change the baby's nappy down the hall. The sofa never recovered.

Don't leave the key in the back door while you go out to hang out washing. (Toddler went back inside and locked herself in. Mortice lock, she couldn't turn it back. Local scaffolders were great and entered house through open window on top floor. Sigh.)

Rejoice that VCRs are now obsolete. My son loved to sit beside it carefully pouring his juice into the slot. Grin

UsernameInvalid66 · 26/06/2017 18:10

No playing table tennis indoors.

QuackDuckQuack · 26/06/2017 18:07

No sellotape on doors.
No walking around with a recorder in your mouth.

arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens · 26/06/2017 18:05
  • bring the empty plates / bowls down from your room before the penicillin reaches triffid proportions
  • stop nicking all my hairbrushes, facial scrub, socks
  • clean clothes go in the wardrobe / drawer, not back in the washing basket
-if it's not on the list it won't be bought
Flightywoman · 26/06/2017 17:44

No felt tips in the sitting room. (I confiscated them and hid them for 6 months after THE INCIDENT. Even husband didn't know where they were so he couldn't buckle under the nagging/questioning!)

Pants at the table. Always.

No food on the trampoline.

No throwing balls/things in the house.

Sadik · 26/06/2017 17:41

Not exactly a house rule, but:

If you pick skin off your hands in my van you WILL be walking home.

Enko · 26/06/2017 17:21

I am trying to decide if I am terribly borring or terribly relaxed as frankly only rule we have is no playing piano after 7.30 pm (sharre wall with neighbours) odly neighbour says she loves listening to ds practice....

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/06/2017 16:39

No immac in the house with small children present.

I have fond memories of the 'Help, I've immaced the baby' thread. Grin

No drawing on walls.

No food in bedrooms

No playing the piano before Mummy and Daddy are actually up in the morning.

ShesNoNormanPace · 26/06/2017 16:28

No farting competitions. Even in the bath.

Always ends with someone following through.

MrsJayy · 26/06/2017 16:16

No popping of chewing gum in the house or i will punch you in the face

MrsJayy · 26/06/2017 16:10

I banned Barney when my kids were small no barney on telly or video or Merchandise my cousin wanted to pass on a talking Barney to Dd2 i said i will never speak to you again i hate the purple arsehole,

CustardOmlet · 26/06/2017 16:08

And no Paw Patrol until a poo has been done in the toilet!

CustardOmlet · 26/06/2017 16:04

We do t have many rules as DS1 is turning out to be a law abiding know it all, I expect DS2 to be the devil child (he's 10m). So far...

Dog Must have his shoes on before he leaves the house
No dictatorships - we are not raising the next Mussolini.
Leave the cat alone.

LateDad · 26/06/2017 16:04

No putting your testicles on your brothers toast Grin

If you want to speak to somebody in another room YOU get up and go - don't call the other person to come to you. Ever. -- not even when its "Dad, dad, I've trod in dog poo?"

Crinkle77 · 26/06/2017 15:40

We weren't allowed playdoh cos apparently it gets stuck in the carpet.

Andrewofgg · 26/06/2017 15:36

Oh and of course: If you want to speak to somebody in another room YOU get up and go - don't call the other person to come to you. Ever.

YesMadamDeputySpeaker · 26/06/2017 15:31

No using your mobile phone to call the house phone to ask if you can have a drink brought up when you are ill.

YES. DH threatened to cut our eldest's (age 13) contact off after she messaged him to come up to her room and close her bedroom door over. She wasn't ill, just 'too tired' to get out of bed and do it herself. She's just lucky it wasn't me she tried to pull that stunt on - I'd have cancelled it on the spot!

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