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Original poster

Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

336 replies

KERALA1 · 26/06/2017 08:54

No under 8s allowed to use cling film (rendered unusable)

Windows always to be closed when you go out for day however high up you are (pigeon lays egg in bedroom drama)

Cheap feather boas not allowed in house (purple feathers everywhere for weeks)

OP posts:
dementedandsadbutsocial · 27/06/2017 00:46

The prefix 'but you said' renders any following sentence invalid.

Choccywoccyhooha · 27/06/2017 00:39

All fruit must be removed from bags before being put in the fruit bowl.
Close the bloody cupboard doors.
Open the shutters in the living room first thing.
No minecraft chat at the table or in the car.
No quizzing eachother at the table.
No board games upstairs - they must be brought downstairs so I can put a stop to the inevitable screaming arguments.
No whistling.
No taking of the toddler's toys -she will throw something at your head and you will get hurt - just leave her belongings alone.

MummyMoonshadow · 26/06/2017 23:50

These are fab. Not one of ours, but a favourite from a previous similar thread was 'no jazz hands on the stairs' 😀

We have no shooting Nerf darts in the house. Or fake Nerf darts (quite literal my lot).

Freshprincess · 26/06/2017 23:25

If you remove my charger cable from my bedside table I will strangle you with it. I think I might have gone a bit too 'big' on this threat as the cable is frequently 'borrowed' and neither child has been strangled.

No manscaping in the kitchen
No telling tales Unless I need to call the fire brigade or an ambulance
If you can't play on the Xbox nicely together then you have to take turns to play a two player game with me (very effective).

FuckYouAndDailyMailToo · 26/06/2017 23:02

All people under 4 must sit when using the toilet - boys AND girls.

RaspberryBeretHoopla · 26/06/2017 22:50

😂 well, at least I can say that the invocation of Satan is one horror that my teens haven't thought to inflict on each other (yet)

MelanieCheeks · 26/06/2017 22:47

Just the attempted invoking! I did explain the hoof marks would be impossible to get out of the carpet.

RaspberryBeretHoopla · 26/06/2017 22:44

MelanieCheeks Shock
You didn't actually have a bad experience from invoking Satan, did you?!

It's a bit wooooooo

Shockers · 26/06/2017 22:42

All male occupants must sit to wee.

Shrugging is banned.

The driver picks the radio station.

Goldmandra · 26/06/2017 22:37

Christmas songs can only be sung in December. You'd be surprised how often this rule is enforced.

Snap!

Vintagegoth · 26/06/2017 22:24

Christmas songs can only be sung in December. You'd be surprised how often this rule is enforced.

MelanieCheeks · 26/06/2017 22:06

No invoking Satan!

GoneDownhill · 26/06/2017 22:04

The OPs weird house rules don't seem that weird to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Especially the feather boa one.

42andcounting · 26/06/2017 22:04

No unsupervised felt tips.

No bare bums on furniture.

All sticks must be left in the porch.

Keith Lemon must be switched off immediately if he ever comes on TV unexpectedly.

The wedge must be put in the patio door whenever it is open.

ipswichwitch · 26/06/2017 22:03

Oh and put the toilet lid down after using it or I'll make you fish the cat out of the toilet Hmm

ipswichwitch · 26/06/2017 22:02

No cleaning your willy with your toothbrush.
No cleaning your brothers willy with your toothbrush.
Don't try to put your willy down the plug hole. Or up the bath tap. Hmm
Really we need one rule.... LEAVE YOUR WILLY/BROTHERS WILLY ALONE!

don't expect me to referee disputes/take apart toys/put together toys/get paints out/whatever unless I have had my morning coffee.

Don't mix the play doh colours together. Not because I'm particularly bothered by this, but I can't face the inevitable whining when you realise you now only have sludgy coloured play doh.

LTBiscuit · 26/06/2017 21:59

Sharpies can only be used at the table with a placemat under the paper.
No wet spoons in the sugar pot.

averylongtimeago · 26/06/2017 21:59

You must not keep your maggots (fishing bait) in your bedroom.
You must not keep your maggots in the fridge.

The lid of the bait box full of maggots must be securely closed.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 26/06/2017 21:53

Do not whisper while mum (me) is sleeping.
Do not stand and stare at mum when mum is sleeping.
Do not take pictures of mum when mum is sleeping.
Do not try to be helpful and turn off mums alarm clock.

Grin
TruckersWife · 26/06/2017 21:52

You must use a cup when making coffee.......no, the kitchen side does not need a drink. (DH every time he makes a drink)

You must ask everyone in the house if they need the loo before you get in the shower.

No crumbs in the butter (DH again)

No "hiding" My things up high just cos you think it's funny you are taller than me (everyone in the house)

Close the office door at night, the cat thinks it's her private toilet.

If I say something funny it is the law that you laugh as I am hilarious.

No weeing in the hallway. (DD sleep walking when she was 5-weed in the hallway-she's now 17 and yes it is funny)

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 26/06/2017 21:51

No hiding in the fucking beds!!

MoonlightandMusic · 26/06/2017 21:48

No turning your mattress into a waterfall.

Quite how a four-year old managed to get a single mattress stripped and correctly angled in order to do this is still a mystery. Confused

oldmums · 26/06/2017 21:40

no cooking after drinking. No playing football inside house.

SnowBallsAreHere · 26/06/2017 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

furlinedsheepskinjacket · 26/06/2017 21:33

john barrowman can be tolerated on tv but if he ever starts to sing the mute button must be immediately pressed.

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