Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

Growing it was no noise at all, abusive father who worked nights.

For my DC it was no balls or balloons in the kitchen. Funniest day was when adult stepson pinged a balloon after the birthday party and 2 yr old DD2 said "Mummy, X is playing with a balloon in the kicthen, he's not allowed to do that "

Cupcakes, muffins, cakes and crisps can only be eaten in the garden (for children)
No TV in the morning when going to school unless kids had breakfast, brushed teeth and got dressed
Always check water levels in the bathtub when child is bathing (downstairs was flooded several times)
No small toys allowed on the couch

We have a generic no tying things to things rule - there was a very unpleasant trip wire phase, involving stone steps!
No chanting
No 'pewing' - holding fingers to resemble gun, and shrieking 'pew' for gun fire
No pogoing up the stairs
And the one and a half scoop ice cream rule, that the boy cousins refuse to follow!

No bare bottoms on the carpet. It was once cream. Sob.

If you can't play on the Xbox nicely together then you have to take turns to play a two player game with me (very effective).

That one is GREAT

@hellothereitsme My husband actually wrote his initials on his iPhone charger 😂

Don't drink the mixers.
i.e. tonic waiter is a mixer so you can't have it as a soft drink, lemonade is negotiable (Pimms).

No pooing in downstairs loo.
No shutting people in cupboards.
No food upstairs.
Don't put clean clothes in the washing basket, if unsure of re-wearability check with a grown-up.
No water bottle flipping, or milk carton or anything else containing liquid for that matter.
& the latest - the floor is NOT & never will be, lava!
God I sound like a right old moo!

Mummymoonshadow, come to my house. You can do jazz hands on the stairs cos you're not allowed to hold on!

Yes, well DH also put a ban on me cutting hair.

No glitter or talcum powder, both for the same reason. All over the house. No Windows open at night through the summer. Live in countryside and we get up looking like we've been eaten alive by bugs.
Best one is by dh. Nobody is allowed to hold the banister as they walk up the stairs as a week after moving in, one of dc pulled it out of the wall whilst doin a monkey impression.

Oh my god I'd forgotten about the hair cutting. Dd1 TWICE decided to cut dd2's hair when she was small. Unfortunately both times it happened right before a big family celebration so we have several photos of dd2 with a cropped fringe. 🙄

No one is allowed to cut anyone's hair except for me - rule applies even if you are practicing to be a hairdresser when you grow up

Scribblegirl -

1. All school shoes taken off your feet, just be immediately placed on the shoe tray on the hall. No excuses and straight away.
Because having four children to get out of the house in the morning, I don't have time to search for DD1 right shoe !

2. Children who argue whilst playing on the same Minecraft server. Get to sit outside to argue decide how quiet they will be, when I let then back on the computers

3. Every holiday day the children have to do some family jobs (tidying rooms/collecting clothes etc) and spend some time doing non screen activities
To be honest I think every parent does this one but the number of complaints this rule generates is ridiculous.

We share a lot of the wear pants, no food upstairs and pens only downstairs rules too :)

A new one from yesterday evening - you must wear knickers on the trampoline when wearing a dress.

Pants must be ON for meals.

Thats the only one I have to rigorously enforce

Any games where someone is "it": whoever suggests the game must be "it" first.

And if the game is blind man's buff, that game is for the garden only, summer and winter, and not to be played barefoot!

Don't climb up the outside of the bannisters

Nudity in the house is OK, however nudity on the trampoline is not. The 85 year old neighbour got the shock of her life last time- doing it again will probably finish her off.

Your willy is not a sword/magic wand/stylus

No grinning or wide-eyed celebrity faces to be left lying around (e.g. on magazine covers; the Radio Times has form for this). Faces with red noses are especially repulsive.

As for the ban on Christmas songs: anyone who so much as mentions Christmas before my birthday in early December (and no, "xmas" is not a loophole) goes straight on the naughty list.

No outdoor shoes in the house even if your wife is in labour and the shoes belong to a paramedic thanks DH

Don't let the cat in after 11pm unless you have checked his gob for undead hedgerow creatures

No cooking after midnight

No glitter, not ever!

No pretending your bum is a separate entity to yourself. Mr Bum is not real!

Pants, always!

No YouTube.

NO GLITTER!

No scootering when you're drunk