Quirky house rules prompted by bitter experience

Oh, remembered our ones -

• No leaving Sudocream (or other creams) within reach of a toddler - it IS possible to be covered in it head to toe. Not easy to scrub off.
• (special rule for 'babysitting' MALE parents) - check in on small children after 5 min of no noise!!!! Set an alarm if you have to.

Cat rules:

• if you appaent block has a nice problem - don't be 'nice' to your cat and let them out to the common area late at night... They don't need to have FUN hunting.

No surfing down the stairs on a sleeping bag

No trampolining while eating.

BangkokBlues bit harsh, I was trying to keep it lighthearted like everyone else I can assure you he is responsible for cleaning his own toilet especially on the very rare occasion that this happens.

No flowerpots in the living room.

No skipping while holding a violin.

No cartwheels on the landing.

No aftersun with added fake tan allowed on the premises. I don't want the humiliation of looking like a tie-dyed David Dickinson ever again.

No Simpsons while the children are awake

the repetition of "Doh" "AhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHH" "Bart!" "EEEEeeeexcellent!" made me murderous.

And for the longest time we had a no cereals for breakfast or in the house there would be bickering about who chose the type, who opened the packet, who could read the box (front and back) who could fit the most in their bowl, who had the most or least milk left when the cereal had been eaten...christ i am feeling tense just recalling the nonsense, never mind the spoon clanging and crunching!

Faerie - it's because of a card game we sometimes play called Anomia (www.anomiapress.com/our-games.html) In it you have to name something that relates to a card another player has (as quickly as possible)

The card came up that said something like 'rock star' and all I could think about was Bon Jovi. We then had a lively debate about if he was a rock star or not... then later on a card came up that was Rock Band and Bon Jovi was wheeled out again (and another debate). Finally a card came up that said Guitarist and I couldn't stop myself from saying Bon Jovi again. It became a kind of running joke when we play the game and a house rule that Bon Jovi is not allowed in any form.

In fact, if he or his band pitched up at the door we'd have to say, Oi! Bon Jovi! No!

No sitting on the glass table.

No Wi EVER without the fucking wrist straps.

No glitter.
It's the herpes of crafts.

Obviously, young children should never be let loose with scissors - but you may think the bluntish, so-called kid-friendly type are totally harmless. . . . . WRONG!
I've got a punctured exercise ball, butchered family photos, cushions with triangles snipped off the corners etc. to prove that in the hands of determined little girls those scissors are lethal.

No bare bums on the sofa.

No fucking crayola 'washable' bath fucking crayons. Ever. Again.
We've had the cheapo ones with no problems for years then these little bastards practically needed swarfega to get off.

Pouncival thanks, it's usually pure chaos around here

I have thought of yet another one, cats do not like paddling pools and they will pop it.

Sacharissa what did BonJovi do to your house? Was it just Jon or the whole gang?

Teenager boy is not allowed to use the downstairs loo, it's mums toilet and she doesn't like sitting/standing in piss.

Fucking gross.

How about having a new rule that teenage boy must learn how to use a toilet properly and/or clean up his piss?

If he can't piss cleanly at home you think he is at school? At other peoples houses?

He will be one of those rancid DH's you see being complained about on MN who leave their piss for their wives to clean up.

No Jeremy Kyle or other similar trash programs allowed in my house

Don't open home-made school cards on carpet as they are likely to contain vast quantities of loose glitter.........

Experience should dictate we don't get another cat but as it was DH who had to spend an hour catching and removing the live bird that our old one wrestled through the cat flat and (thankfully) then lost grip off and not me, I'm more forgiving than he is...

Bumbumtaloo

all yours are hilarious

I don't have any

The upstairs windows in our house must be closed to stop pigeons getting in and cats getting out.

I've found cats cowering on the outside of upstairs window sills and having to be helped back inside (fortunately none have fallen/jumped off) and once I did the 'run into the house busting for a wee so straight to the bathroom' thing only to find all the shampoos etc thrown all over the bathroom and some scrabbling and rustling from behind the opaque shower curtain.

It turns out a pigeon had come in the open window and knocked everything over in a panic but I sat there having no idea what state the downstairs of the house was like as I was convinced there was a burglar lurking in the bath or downstairs until I dared to look at the source of the rustling.

Teenager boy is not allowed to use the downstairs loo, it's mums toilet and she doesn't like sitting/standing in piss.

Just thought of another one at ours, no screwballs (the ice cream).

No racing - why does everything.have.to.be.a.fucking.race!
No first the worst etc ties into rule 1.
Only an adult can get milks out of the fridge.

At my mums no shitting in the downstairs toilet - it's just behind the front door and every time someone has shit in it someone knocks on the front door and mum said she's fed up of everyone thinking her house smells like shit

No toilet roll within reach of under 3s
Same with toilet brush
No eating chips or chocolate around kids or they will snaffle it all!