Embarrassed myself during cervical smear

NoSquirrels

I'm really laughing at that. Rummaging about your fanny is okay but a bit of pubic hair is outrageous

We will put this on your tombstone, cunningstunnt.
Mine will have a brief account of that time I had a pee behind a bush, dropped my trousers and the hunt rode past, behind me.

When I first met my Obstetrician with DC1 she said 'nip up on the bed and I'll take a look'. I assumed she meant up my fanjo so stripped off. She came round the curtain and scanned me through my stomach. No nudity required.

I had a smear & colposcopy lately- due to a series of unfortunate events DC (6) accompanied me. Awkward.

Anyhow, behind curtain, everything off, sit on bed - and when nurse reappears she looked horrified that I hadn't used the modesty paper to cover my lap - but, yknow, you're about to stare very hard at my vulva & insert things into my vagina do you can poke around - I really don't think a piece of kitchen towel over my pubic hair is doing much for the modesty of the situation! Her expression of slight outrage was quite funny, though.

Ah, indignities of being a woman.

My mum told me after her last smear that the nurse had to keep trying bigger and bigger speculums, even leaving her lying legs akimbo while she left the room to get a bigger one from elsewhere.

I asked if she finally used a traffic cone, which wasn't well received

I've always been ok. Whip the old muff out, test done, bobsyer.

I'm too old to be embarrassed by anything much!

Smear's are never pleasant are they? A necessary evil one might say! A couple of years ago, I was having mine done and the Practice Nurse was trying to relax me and told me a story. A patient of hers had come for her smear and as was the nurse was looking through the speculum, with swab poised - the patient let out an involuntary fart. It came out with such speed, that its parted the practice nurse's fringe!!!
I always think of that story now and don't find them as intimidating! I even recite that story, so both nurse and I can laugh as its done! Hahahahaha!!

Last examination I had I was in hospital and drugged up to the eyeballs on codeine and morphine, I was flat out . Turned into a 35 minute expedition (scan, swabs , speculum, examination, in out catheter) and every time they needed to do something else they had to wake me up again . I'm normally absolutely petrified of being examined to the point of hyperventilating/vomiting (hundreds due to abnormalities down there and surgeries) but the morphine made it so so much easier. I remember telling the doctor how lovely and kind and gentle she was

I pass out every time i have one .
Im wating for an appointment to be put to sleep to have a proper one done .once i passout they stop and get a billion people in the room .

Its easier for me to point out who hasnt seen my fanny at doctors.
They now say its not safe to do like this so will send a request to have me put to sleep im so first time it happend they called an ambulance

I tend to clench unconsciously during smears, I once shot out a speculum.
Last time I went there were only single use plastic speculums, I managed to break it , the nurse had to fish the bits out and try it again with a new one .

I live in Korea, and here they put a screen up around your stomach so they can't see your face during the smear.

Then they take the screen away and come and talk to you so it's not like they are never going to recognise you or something if they see you again.

But seeing a fanny AND a face at the same time? That is just too much.

Midwife gave me a 'surprise smear' a week after having horrendous forceps birth of ds ("might as well give you a smear now and you're good for a year" up it pops!). Apart from the shock and excruciating pain, she turned around to get a stick thing for the scrape- and the speculum * just slid out of my foof and clanked onto the floor.

• i'm abroad, totally different attitude here as to what they perveive they can and can't do. ** speculum/stick thing - can't for the life of me remember the lingo

I still hear 'clank clatter' in my nightmares

Ha I did the same thing - but to make things worse, it was in A&E and the gynae had put the bed up high so i had to sort of swing my naked arse around at height whilst in agony!

Grace, dignity and smear tests don't really go hand in hand
I generally end up having a conversation about the weather while she's fiddling around down there, it's awkward for both of us.
She did once compliment me on the quality of the sample she took. I was oddly pleased!

Please do not spend another second worrying about this, well done for going for your smear test.