Embarrassed myself during cervical smear

I went for a smear and the nurse proceeded to retrieve a glittery micky mouse sticker from my bits.

Seems it became stuck there just prior to me leaving the house- I'd had a bath to prep myself up and then went into DS's bedroom to get ready as the mirror in there was better.
Sat on the floor moisturising my legs and obviously sat on a discarded micky mouse sticker.

Ah! Think I've figured out you were pointing the wrong way. On first reading I thought you meant you were lying on your tummy and I was thinking even Mr Bean isn't that daft, though why Mr Bean would be having a smear test anyway is another question altogether.

My worst smear experience? the practice nurse explained she had a trainee and would I mind if she did my smear. well I know they have to learn somewhere so said yes, and added jokingly, just as long as this isn't the first time you've done one (hahaha). trainee looked me in the eye and said no, I've done quite a few now . So I hopped onto the bed, and the oh so experienced trainee said " Hold on a minute Viques, I'll just raise the back rest up for you," and promptly sat me upright!!!!!

I should have made an excuse and left.........

I had to be examined in hospital when heavily pregnant. The registrar aked a midwife to bring 'the light' through so he could see what he was doing. So far, so normal...

She came back in wheeling the largest torch I've ever seen in my entire life, balanced on a trolley. Honestly, it was about 3 feet wide! He pointed it at my nethers, turned it on and that was it - I just cracked up laughing and couldn't stop at all. I was practically convulsing and tears of laughter were pouring down my face. It looked like they were about to explore a chasm to the centre of the earth or something .

The doctor was unable to examine me, as I couldn't keep still enough. They had to give me half an hour to calm down before trying again. My ex just sat there looking at me like

I asked if she finally used a traffic cone

his sweeping eyelashes were quite the most beautiful things ever to grace mankind

a sort of goatie beard shape so there was a perfect circle of hair like a giant hairy polo

I am dying
This thread just keeps on giving! Wish I had something to add

Elquinto I hoped you complained! A week after a forceps birth, I'm pretty sure nothing should be going up your foof! Hope you recovered ok.

I had mine recently and at a quite moment said 'I'm not enjoying this' quite firmly. I wasn't there to enjoy myself or expecting too so who knows why I said that!

My first smear, the GP told me that my cervix looked healthy. Didn't quite know how to respond to that, so said 'thank you'.

"...It came out with such speed, that its parted the practice nurse's fringe!!!"

"...that night I discovered he had shaved a sort of goatie beard shape so there was a perfect circle of hair like a giant hairy polo."

Oh God, you lot are brilliant

I had a smear for the first time recently (don't judge on not going before please, at least I've been now ) and the nurse was very lovely about it all. I did feel a bit of a prat lying with my fists under my arse cheeks to get the angle so she could find my cervix, but I can only assume that said cervix is as shy as I am.

When my mum went for a smear about 20 years ago, the nurse had the following conversation with her:
N: "I thought you said you had children?"
M: "I do - just the one, a daughter."
N: "Caesarian by any chance?"
M: "Yes..."
N: "I thought it must've been - this has never had a baby through it!"

My mum didn't quite know what to say to that when she was naked from the waist down and lying legs akimbo!

Dont worry op, the nurse won't have noticed. Smears should be done mid cycle so the cervix is in a good position for getting the cell samples. I have had no issues having my smears done. (No dtd 48 prior. Lie on table, knees up and let the legs flop out with your
Ankles/heels together.) It was a little uncomfortable but not excruciating. Childbirth was a million times worse even with medication.

I'm a mess down there after ds. Last time I had a smear I sprayed pee everywhere then burst in to tears.

I am crying with laughter at some of these posts.
Like most people, I hate going for smear tests but so it anyway. I will try to remember this thread next time i go to lessen my anxiety - particularly the traffic cone comment

Public hair indeed, obviously pubic.

thatluxuryspa I'm sorry but I'm crying with laughter at that.....

Most beautiful thing to grace mankind!!!!

I have found smears a lot more painful post-menopause, and the last one at the GP surgery was a disaster - the nurse had to give up (I'll spare you details). So I got referred to the hospital. I decided the only way to get through it was to neck three gins in the hospital car park - I am not a drinker, so that was enough to get me half-cut. The full force of it hit me about halfway through the appointment, and they managed to complete the smear with me ranting to the heavens about Jeremy Hunt

Namechange, my cervix always faces my back and unless I tell the person doing the smear they will spend ages rummaging around for it, which is very uncomfortable.

So now I always tell whoever's doing a check that they'll find my cervix facing my back, same for when I went for a sweep when I was pregnant and also whilst in early labour, it helped a lot as I was right each time.

I asked my husband to tidy up my public hair before I went for my smear. Never ever again, that night I discovered he had shaved a sort of goatie beard shape so there was a perfect circle of hair like a giant hairy polo.

Not cervix-related, but did once (under the influence of major pain relief, I hasten to add) ask one of Italy's most eminent specialists if he knew his sweeping eyelashes were quite the most beautiful things ever to grace mankind.

And did he tint them or simply use mascara?

Still burn with shame at the memory.

I used to be in a professional job (think lawyer or accounts type of thing).
The nurse appears and I'm thinking I'd seen her before, couldn't think where....
Only after she had rummaged in my foof and had to have a couple of goes fiddling around in there did it come to me that she was an old client.....
Mortifying

Thanks for posting this, a) because it is funny and you should not be embarrassed! And b) because you've just reminded me I needed to book in for my smear, so have done that. Thanks!

amusedbush she was in no way amused by my bush! Perhaps it was the au naturel unsculpted 70s fro she was shocked by

The nurse couldn't even find my cervix during my last smear

I wouldn't have thought it was hiding...