Sorry, but...warnings to the youngsters among us

You know when you snigger at old ladies in comfortable shoes and elasticated waist trousers? They haven't given up on life. They've given up on discomfort. You will find that liberation too one day.

You will not know how to pronounce the name of a pop singer.

One day, you will put on a pair of massive granny knickers, and gasp/sigh at how lovely it feels.

This will lead to a new criteria when buying bras/shoes/clothes: you now will start to consider comfort. Initially you will be filled with horror but that feeling subsides at the exact same rate you fill your wardrobe with slightly less stylish, but slightly looser/more supportive clothing.

You will realise you haven't bought anything from No.17 for ten years - every item of make up you own says No.7 on it. You will then google to make sure Boots still do No.17 because otherwise you'll look a fool on mumsnet and that's when you discover....

....you have been calling a brand of make up for young folk by the wrong name for years because it's call Seventeen. Or it was always called Seventeen but you've forgotten. Or it has changed its name but you didn't know because you are now clearly ancient and behind the times.

You'll add a superfluous 'the' like when your mum said things like 'Oh she likes The U2' or not using one like when your mum said things like 'she's watching Top Of Pops' or just using the wrong word altogether like when you said 'what does 'in fleek' mean?'

Good god.

The Lovely Little Things don't need to know all of this. Leave them in ignorant bliss! Besides, it'll never happen to them, they're different you see...

You will realise that you know the original version of the song being played on the radio and not the current cover version

You'll become one of those women hooting with laughter in a restaurant with friends passing reading glasses around. (I used think when I was 20, ah bless at least they're out of the house).

If you don't wax/shave whatever you will look like a fantasia faun within three days.

In your 20s piling on the makeup makes you look better. From mid 30s onwards you'll look like a raddled old slapper.

When you're tired you look at least 10 years older.

Your DCs are away for the weekend and, instead of thinking I can see friends, drink wine, dance on tables and be riotous, you think I can lie in, eat biscuits in bed and do the crossword in peace (bliss!)

You find the idea of buying clothes without elastic or Lycra in akin to torture

You daren't go out without makeup as, instead of looking fresh-faced and natural you look like the walking dead

Just checked FB, an advert for a Cliff Richard concert has popped up.

... you'll find yourself jabbing your mobile phone at arm's length, muttering "I need my glasses".

... you'll ask your kids for written instructions on how to operate a little-used piece of tech.

Sorry but

You will find getting id'd a compliment. But shopkeepers will stop doing it when your looks mature.

You have at least 4 pairs ready reader specs... oh and the ones you can't find which are actually on your head!

Sorry but...

...you have no idea how perfect your body is in your late teens/20's. When you get to your 40s and 50s you'll look down at your middle age spread and think 'fuck, I had an amazing body back then and I had no idea!'

....your kids grow up very quickly. Make the most of every moment before they bugger off to uni and only phone you when they need money. (tongue in cheek, mine isn't that bad)

....your ankles get fatter. There is no rhyme or reason for this and I foresee a day when my slightly funky but comfy shoes will be just comfy shoes. With velcro.

.... hairs fucking everywhere. Not in the normal places.

....the best thing is you really don't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks anymore. It just doesn't matter. You get comfy in your own skin and just enjoy life.

On the upside, you will no longer have to worry about being harassed in the street as you will largely become invisible.

Your pubic hair will decide it wants to join forces with your toe hair and slowly grow down your legs as your toe hair crawls its way up your feet.

You'll get adverts for Saga holidays on your FB.

You will buy shoes purely because they're comfortable

You'll be relieved that a night out is cancelled

You'll open your mouth & your mother will come out

You'll see a sad looking woman on the street & realise that it's your reflection

Sorry but .....
you will ask your children for their advice re technological problems

You'll one day be that person muttering to themselves in the supermarket. I do this anyway

You are the oldest colleague in the office and find yourself being the agony aunt for the younger ones
Hotter shoes look appealing
You physically cannot do burpees
Sloggi knickers appear in your shopping basket
The labelling on packets becomes smaller
However you can afford to stay at nicer hotels!

angryladyboobs I am 26 too and was thinking the exact same thing this thread has had me laughing though.

Plus what goody said. There's a special type of not giving a toss that comes with age, I just wish I had it when I had a flat stomach and a proper waist!

You'll find there's this weird conundrum where you think there's no way you are old enough for the Edinburgh Woollen Mill but you buy your shoes in Pavers.

You will develop wonderful, liberating, body-confidence. You will wear what you want and the hell with what anyone else says or thinks.

And you will wish that you had had this confidence when you had the beautiful body to go with it.

You will be unable to make it to the end of a program on TV in the evening without dozing off.

You'll look at those lovely but impractical shoes you wear on a night out and decide to go for the flats instead because then your feet won't feel like they've been massaged with a cheese grater the next morning.
You'll catch your teenage child doing exactly the same thing you used to do in your teens and be utterly horrified.
Grey pubes.