Help me get over my vanilla cuntyness

Lochan i either know your friend or someone who did exactly the same thing- were the staff all male on the side of the school she sent it to by any chance?

Go back in there, get the same server and say, "I'd like a vanilla cunt please and, this time, don't give me a fucking vanilla ice cream!"

A few years ago, back when my English wasn't great.

I'd been on a date - I didn't fancy seeing the guy again and was trying to avoid him. I told my friend that 'I'd been trying to blow him off ever since our first date'. Her face was a picture!

My mistakes in foreign languages are too many to recount. (Perhaps telling my French friends that I was going to buy a Citroen and having them ask me if it was round, yellow and smelled nice because I'd pronounced it the English way was my best). One of my best/worst word errors in English was trying to tell my dad what the vet had said about my horse's leg.. "She's got semen running out of the cut" to which he said, "no darling I think he probably said serum!" I was 14 at the time and wanted to curl up and die.

And why does auto correct change wellies to willies!! I've fallen for that one too. Just because Americans say gumboots, or whatever.

This thread is hilarious. Like someone above's friend, I also alarmed my French exchange host family my telling them at the end of a delicious meal "je suis pleine"

I also find it hard to properly enunciate "cou" (neck) and "cul" (arse).

I once I wrote in my GCSE French class that in the future I'd like a big ginger pussy. My teacher found it hilarious and told everyone! Looking back on it was pretty funny

Apparently the feminine word for cat is slang in french for pussy....

One of my colleagues used google translate to produce basic operating instructions for some machinery, from Dutch to French. Apparently Error Code 1 means that the tampon is filling.

This thread has made me Mutley laugh 😁

My beautiful Spanish SIL asked my children if Satan had brought them nice Christmas presents

Ah yes, the je suis/j'ai chaud confusion.

I had a friend who thought he was making polite conversation to the barmaid by saying it was hot, then asking her what time the bar closed.

Instead he told her he was hot for her, and asked what time she got off.

Then, oblivious to what he'd done, he went home, much to her annoyance, as she'd taken quite a shine to him, and thought he'd just been leading her on.

any fuhrer information

Still giggling about this two pages on.

Isn't je suis fatigue I'm tired??!

It was when I went to school

I was having my hair done dyed full works, I said to the hairdresser you busy etc are they looking for just blow jobs I burst out laughing as soon S I said it so did she I was thinking she must think I'm a f....... eejit

There's a German word "verstopft" which basically means "blocked" and can be used in many different contexts, eg to refer to a bunged up nose, or traffic congestion etc. Back when I did A level German we had to translate a text from German into English, and were allowed to use dictionaries to help us.
My friend chose what she thought was the most impressive possible translation of verstopft and confidently wrote that during rush hour the streets were badly constipated.

I've asked for a bowl of ass in Japanese.

Isn't je suis fatigue I'm tired??!

I expect she meant the Je suis/ai chaud thing.

When I was in my early teens, my parents looked at me aghast when I said I wanted to be a hooker. I meant hustler, I wanted to hustle folk at pool.

Christ, I'm doubting I've got the right word even now.

Isn't je suis fatigue I'm tired??!

I asked for a headache in a pharmacie once. I was looking for the name of the tablets I usually took, and said 'Je voudrais....un mal de tête?' when I couldn't see the tablets. Lucky she didn't whack me with something and say 'et voilà!'

I've also heard of someone loudly and proudly ordering 'connard à la moutarde'. As if andouillette isn't bad enough...

Not even a foreign language one!!

I have a US friend who told a room of lively 10 year old (UK) boys at a sleepover to sit on their fannies. They thought it was hilarious (and since she is not easily embarrassed, so did she )

Years ago when I'd only been working a few months, I had to type out a compulsory purchase notice when in the Department of Transport. I didn't check it and had typed "pubic enquiry" rather than "public enquiry".

schwul = gay is shvool, more or less.
schwül = humid/muggy is harder to describe, as there's no equivalent vowel sound in English. It's like a French "u" (as in "rue") with your lips pursed, if that helps?

You're right Vestal it doesn't make sense but best avoid asking for una polla asada anyway

I sometimes slip up on words in English even though I'm fluent (bilingual household). For the life of me I couldn't remember what a dressing gown was called in English and for years I called them tea towels.

What's the pronunciation of the German schwul (sp?) differences please?

The literally only difference between schwul (gay) and schwül (humid weather) is the umlaut in the second word. It is hard to explain how to pronounce that to someone who doesn't know, (ue is an approximation, you pronounce the u a bit more like e) but don't worry, the words do sound extremely similar in German and a non-native speaker talking about the weather will be understood - though people might chuckle a bit.

I didn't know about the difference between pollo and polla, (never knew the latter) and wonder why the word that means cock ends with "a", when usually "a" is a female ending. Doesn't really make sense, that.