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Original poster

How to feel like you're on holiday when you're not?

161 replies

qualityjaisket · 24/03/2017 15:11

I'm really craving a week (or several) in the sun but have no plans for holidays this year. How can I recreate that holiday feeling at home?

OP posts:
Itmustbemyage · 27/03/2017 21:27

Wearing skimpy swimwear hire a row boat at the local boating lake. Load boat up with drink then voila your very own booze cruise. Optional sunshade umbrella.
Bonus is that if you fall out of boat it's only knee deep.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 27/03/2017 20:36

Crank heating up to max.
Fill bath with salt and lie in it.

Attempt to dry yourself with a damp towel with mushed in suncream, making sure you rub the salt roughly into your legs.
Settle yourself with a large glass of cheap plonk and some Ruffles crisps, while running blue after sun onto shoulders.

ShatnersBassoon · 27/03/2017 20:27

Make your bed with flat sheets tucked in so tightly that you have to pull them out completely to get into the bed. During the night wrap the four loose corners of the sheet tightly about every limb. Keep the heating on full all night to add to the sweaty panic when you wake up bound and immobile.

JamesDelaneysHat · 27/03/2017 20:18

Go into your local pound shop and buy lots of 'eclectic souvenirs' made of balsa wood and maybe some patchwork harem pants for good measure. Look at them in horror when you get home.

BikeRunSki · 27/03/2017 20:15

Go to an exotic pet shop. Stock up on spiders and snakes to hide in your shoes.

Mollymolly76 · 27/03/2017 19:55

Please keep this going, it's genius - properly cheered me up !

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 27/03/2017 19:43

Every morning put a tiny piece of wrapped chocolate on your pillow so you can discover it before bed.

One night get very drunk and sleep with face on said chocolate. Find somewhere in public to have breakfast. Don't look in the mirror first and make sure your DH also doesn't notice it so you are unaware that you appear to have an attractive smear of shit on your forehead.

Also, possibly the same morning to save time, cuddle a thin stray local cat and then feel itchy all day.

Destinysdaughter · 27/03/2017 19:35

Go to a zoo wearing a cowboy hat and pretend you're on safari

Destinysdaughter · 27/03/2017 19:33

Hire a moped and ride around without a helmet

Get pissed and get a really inappropriate tattoo

Go to a karaoke bar

Destinysdaughter · 27/03/2017 19:28

Haha yes, drinking a G&T and going for a swim!

( disclaimer: Not recommended for H&S reasons obvs)

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 27/03/2017 18:35

Take a bar stool and a cocktail to your local swimming baths, sit in the water at the side of the pool, and try to engage anyone who has the misfortune of making eye contact with you into an over the top personal conversation about how much they paid for their trip, what they do for a living and how much they paid for their house.

Introduce your partner to them in a way that would massively suggest you were both vacation Swingers.

WicksEnd · 27/03/2017 18:01

God I ❤️ this thread. It's really making me laugh, especially as it's mixed with sensible suggestions then things like bathing topless at your local tourist attraction.

Loving it.

MaidOfStars · 27/03/2017 17:23

Afternoon drinking
Thread over.

Kez100 · 27/03/2017 17:21

Turn central heating up to maximum. Put eye shade on. Drink cocktail.

If you mean it - I think I'd book days out including a spa day maybe. Make sure I ate out or got takeaways each night.

Original poster
qualityjaisket · 27/03/2017 17:12

DandelionAndBedrock Grin

OP posts:
TealStar · 27/03/2017 09:51

Go to the nearest beach (Bamburgh or Craster will do) and sunbathe topless with a smug air of liberation

TealStar · 27/03/2017 09:49

Buy some UHT milk and insist on it being poured into your cups of weak tea all week.

BagittoGo · 27/03/2017 09:48

Turn the heating up and walk around in your bikini carrying a fluorescent coloured cocktail and play club Tropicana by wham on full blast. Set up sun lounger indoor with mags and books. Personally I would deep clean house first or else I'd get distracted - buts that's just me..

TealStar · 27/03/2017 09:48

Make a playlist on Spotify of holiday classics; don't forget Whigfield's Saturday Night, Corona's Rhythm of the Night and Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks. Sit in the dark and play it through headphones ramped up to the max while sticking a spray can of Lynx Africa up your nose.

Original poster
qualityjaisket · 27/03/2017 09:47

I've never shagged a waiter though.

OP posts:
TealStar · 27/03/2017 09:44

Buy some Marlboro Reds from the corner shop (and don't forget to rip the filters off) then go and sit in your kid's sandpit with a portable radio and smoke the lot.

Mollymolly76 · 27/03/2017 09:28

Love this thread!!!

AFawnDawn · 27/03/2017 09:22

Use a thick, rancid-smelling, uber expensive but highly protective facial sunblock to prevent wrinkles. Spend the next 10 days reliving your acne-ridden teenage years, complete with home-made toothpaste remedies.

Original poster
qualityjaisket · 27/03/2017 09:12

What sort of holiday are you wanting to pretend you're on OP?

Sunny week in Spain or similar but it's made me laugh that we all do the same things like packing everything summery we have and wearing only four items. I bought three new dresses for my last holiday and only wore one.

OP posts:
JamesDelaneysHat · 26/03/2017 22:44

Make sure when you're in the above supermarket you only wear a bikini and a damp sarong and have a sandy arse. And flip flops.

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