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Original poster

Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!

130 replies

CatCafe · 02/03/2017 16:52

So, tired of stubble down there, I thought I might achieve a smoother result with hair removal cream. Chose a sensitive skin/ bikini-line safe one, didn't bother patch testing just slathered it right on.

When I rinsed in the shower it felt like I was pouring acid onto myself, it burns when I walk or move and I'm fucking terrified of what'll happen when I need to pee so torn between crossing my legs and leaving them open in hope of "airing" my afflicted area.

Now walking like John Wane and have a fanny slathered in half a tub of Sudocrem.

Cheer me up with similar tales of personal grooming gone wrong/ advice on how to stop the pain.

OP posts:
Testarossa1 · 03/03/2017 22:05

I once Immaced my armpits, left it on for the max 10 mins. Was too long, burned my pits, couldn't put deodorant on as stung like hell and had to walk around like a gorilla for a few days as could abide anything rubbing on them!

Earlier this week, I attempted to clean my teeth with Germolene, still half asleep, first thing in the morning, I grabbed the wrong tube from the cabinet. I can tell you it doesn't taste very pleasant....

AdoraBell · 03/03/2017 21:53

Place marking just for the link, badly needed a laugh this evening 🤣 👍

Evilstepmum01 · 03/03/2017 21:42

Ah sorry OP, DH and I are sitting crying laughing at this thread!!
I;ve read the mens reviews before but still crack me up!!

Last time I used Veet or Immac or whatever I used too much. It slid onto my 'lips' and I ended up with thrush.

I shave now!

Want2bSupermum · 03/03/2017 21:31

Pack of frozen peas with a wet tea towel over them. Sat on frozen peas for the first 24 hours after my CS with DD. I had a 22 hour labour and was sore.

Sounds so so painful OP

MrsGotobed · 03/03/2017 21:22

I epilated my fanny and the epilator ran away with itself and I got my flap caught up in the roller. I had to unravel it

OMG. My face must have been a picture when I read that as DP asked me what was wrong/what I'd just read!! I think he was concerned by the look of horror on my face.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 03/03/2017 21:04

I misread the title as 'my nanny is on fire' and was genuinely impressed that in between drop-and-rolling her you were able to find time to post on MN. My burny-ouchy fanjo story involves slicing up mega hot chillies and then failing to wash chilli residue from hands prior to going to the loo. You can imagine the rest.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/03/2017 21:03

Mine was more of a Mexican Hairless with mange than a Brazilian.

Aroseforemily · 03/03/2017 20:54

Oh I've just remembered by burning fanny story, it is TMI so I apologise.

We were camping and DH had been eating a spicy bombay mix, we decided to have sex and H was giving me oral. The warming sensation was really quite pleasant to begin with then it started to burn. I threw some clothes on and ran to the inadequate showers where the shower head was fixed to the wall. I was in there for ages trying to gather water from the shower head into your hands to cool my burning fanny.

booellesmum · 03/03/2017 20:52

Almost - hope you are OK and in a good place at the moment.

Aroseforemily · 03/03/2017 20:47

Holy fuck noarmani

Not vulva related but my younger sister turned up to my wedding to exh with a pink mustache as she had left immac on her top lip for too long.

booellesmum · 03/03/2017 20:46

Lurking - absolutely hilarious. Thank you.

cosytoaster · 03/03/2017 20:42

Brilliant thread - has really made me laugh, that link is hilarious Lurking

PoorYorick · 03/03/2017 20:39

Never ever go into the Dead Sea.

Cantusethatname · 03/03/2017 20:32

Greenteandchives
I just spluttered my red wine across the keyboard.

kwick · 03/03/2017 19:44

Jesus noarmani that sounds PAINFUL Flowers

joystir59 · 03/03/2017 19:28

have literally just wet myself laughing at "Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

joystir59 · 03/03/2017 19:20

wash not ash!!!

joystir59 · 03/03/2017 19:18

We were making love once and it gradually became clear that my OH wasn't in ecstasy but agony- I'd been cooking with fresh chillis and forgotten to ash my hands before DTD

peaceloveandbiscuits · 03/03/2017 18:37

Aloe Vera aftersun is your friend

NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/03/2017 18:29

I told this story just the other day on here. I epilated my fanny and the epilator ran away with itself and I got my flap caught up in the roller. I had to unravel it Shock

TheDogsMother · 03/03/2017 18:22

Sorry to hear of your fanjo fiasco OP, you have my sympathies.
LurkingHusband I wondered if anyone was going to post that link. It makes me weep with laughter.

elektrawoman · 03/03/2017 18:15

Oh this thread is funny, sorry OP Blush. I have no advice to add except that I am so glad now that my lady garden is kept au natural!

littlemissM92 · 03/03/2017 18:14

Ouch that sounds bad ! Isit the veet one ? And has anyone ever used hair removal cream on their top lip and if so does it work ? I'm sick of having a tash lol!

Original poster
CatCafe · 03/03/2017 18:13

Changed you have my sincerest sympathies, your story is twice as bad as mine!

OP posts:
Original poster
CatCafe · 03/03/2017 18:11

Quim I didn't get it inside (thank god!) but I did put it on a wider area ahem than just my bikini line.

It stung all over- bikini line and all. It was fucking horrible.

OP posts: