Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

746 replies

00100001 · 23/02/2017 10:05

Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
26
magicgirl74 · 25/02/2017 23:03

I recently bought some posh teabags and on the pack they are calling them tea temples NO THEY ARE TEABAGS im looking at you teapigs.

PintofSquash · 25/02/2017 22:26

What a fucking brilliant thread, but I'm shocked that nobody has mentioned the epitome of wankspeak, 'myself will be your server, any beverages for yourself?'

You don't sound posh, you sound puddled you pretentious twat, it's I, me and you!!! Fuckwittery and wankery Angry

MrsDilligaf · 25/02/2017 22:05

..... dum de dum....
Don't mind me. Just want to pop back tomoz and y'know absorb wankery-ness Grin

pearlsandbows · 25/02/2017 21:56

I am not a fan of hashtagging when not on twitter. However, I live in a suburb of a city in the NW and this is my local area. I love my coffee and my gin. I have always been of the opinion if the country of origin of my coffee also produces good chocolate or is known for its illegal drugs (cocaine usually) then the coffee will be decent. There are some exceptions to this rule, but all these plants need similar conditions. I do like to highlight this to the more annoying full-on hipsters in the now gentrified area of the city centre. It used to be an area you never went into, how times have changed.

Booboo66 · 25/02/2017 21:33

I accidentally bought some very wanky crisps from m&s recently! Grabbed them in a hurry and only once I ate then spat out one did I read it and realise they were 'gold leaf adorned, Buck's Fizz flavoured hand cut chips' so yes, Fanta flavoured, gold glitter covered crisps. I tried a couple more times in case it was an aquired taste but nope. 3 year old DD with a sweet tooth though was munching away wondering what the issue was. Personally I'll stick with walkers from now on!

KenDoddsDadsDog · 25/02/2017 21:29

The new McDonalds advert is about wanky coffee !!

Lara2 · 25/02/2017 20:48

Apologies if this has already been posted:
wewantplates.com

This is the site you need - full of total food wankery! Grin

Redzinfandel · 25/02/2017 20:40

Gifting - whatever happened to 'give'?

MariB · 25/02/2017 20:30

It means 'sponge'

MariB · 25/02/2017 20:29

What on earth is an insulated back??

RubbishMantra · 25/02/2017 20:24

Yes, smearing puree on plates. Why? The word makes me think of dirty protests. And smear tests. And smear campaigns. Why would anyone want to eat a smear? Perhaps it was once a rogue M in a typo on a menu that meant to say "seared". Then a disgruntled diner got angry because they expected their scallops to be smeared about the plate.

ProfessorPickles · 25/02/2017 20:00

I'm adding "bound" aswell as "en route".
As in "out tonight, London bound"

Shudders

BillyButtfuck · 25/02/2017 19:51

I have also nominated this for classics, I feel it would be a good pick me up for those down wanky days

Arsenicinthesugarbowl · 25/02/2017 18:52

The wankery on this thread is highly entertaining and astounding and feelit that menu is the winner. I could barely decipher it. I too have nominated this for classics Grin

HeeHighls · 25/02/2017 18:19

James Martin was asked "Why smear something on the plate"? He replied," about £70."

FrenchLavender · 25/02/2017 17:30

Eeeuggh I don't think I want anything on my dinner plate that's called espuma. It doesn't sound like food, it sounds like something you bring up and spit out into a hanky.

Edible flowers. Now they are the epitome of food wankery.

ProfessorPickles · 25/02/2017 17:14

Saying "on route" when on the way to somewhere - the ultimate wankery

BillyButtfuck · 25/02/2017 17:13

Oops photo!

Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...
BillyButtfuck · 25/02/2017 17:11

How did I forget!? There's a cafe in my hometown with airplane seats instead of chairs!! Wankery at its finest Grin

HelpTheTigers · 25/02/2017 16:58

It seems as though they are all trying to be so 'different' that they all look the same and then the boundaries have to be pushed further. What next?? Maybe we could make some suggestions to the wankiest hipster joint and see if it makes an appearance. Old loos instead of chairs, soup in old paint tins and consumed via a trumpet mouthpiece. Sorry, I lack imagination.

nursy1 · 25/02/2017 16:53

Espuma of Goats Curd!, wanky restaurant.

Sprink · 25/02/2017 16:53

I've popped my MN cherry and submitted my first nomination for Classics. This thread t needs to be preserved in time, for anthropologists, if no one else.

Amazing levels of wankyness. (Wankiness? Hmm...) Grin

DesertSky · 25/02/2017 16:48

In a cafe today trying to be more pretentious than it actually is - chips in mugs and salads in mini colanders. I agree- pointless.

feelitinyourbones · 25/02/2017 16:42

rubbish what was even worse was a group of sleep deprived new mums trying to just go out, eat, drink and pretend to be normal grown ups for once then being faced with that head fuck of a menu. I thought I might be hallucinating.

RubbishMantra · 25/02/2017 16:34

That menu made truly awful reading. Imagine if you were hangry, and actually had to read the whole thing.

I wonder what they'd do if someone paid them with a pocket full of fish fins and scales - they'd have to accept it, surely?