Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

I went into a Planet Organic last night - was on the Tottenham Court Road and wanted some soya milk.

There were many products in the chiller cabinet, sort of posh, fresh ready meals, clearly aimed at adults (including the price), all loudly labelled "the yummy tummy co." No. Wanky.

I can't understand the car fragrance dangler called 'new car'.
When I last sat in a new car it smelled horrible - like gluey carpet - not at all nice.

Montana I love vintage clothes - I have quite a few 60s/70s tops etc but I can't bring myself to even describe them as 'vintage' for fear of sounding wanky, let alone 'pieces'. Half the people I work with will have worn similar items first time round, so I do slightly cringe at the thought of them noticing and scoffing at me for wearing clothes they would have worn 40 years ago!

Trinny's going on about a 'black legging' and a 'trouser' right now...

I LOVE that McDonald's advert.

What I find quite wanky is those speak easy bars with passwords like 'Im a chicken cluck cluck'.Just not necessary.
My sil and I went to one recently which you access through a fridge door. Neither of us would open the door in case it was you know? A fridge?
We ended up in a traditional bar which was just my taste, sil had a pouty face (she likes wanky things)

And then after you've ordered your wankily described meal from the wonky blackboard, and it comes all wankily arranged on a chuffing roof tile in a complete deconstructed wankfest, they bring you the bill...

Which is artfully tucked inside an old paperback book. Written in Afrikaans.

Perhaps I should change my name to 'cold-brewed, single estate charcoal-roasted Kenyan coffee and sun drenched, Andalucian heirloom oranges'.

Not quite as catchy though

The thing most of these have in common is they're often quite ordinary things dressed up in marketing language to make them seem trendy and aspirational - and therefore justifying the huge mark-ups.

What annoys me about clothes in particular is that as the quality of high street clothing declines, the "aspirational" language bigging them up is even more ludicrous than ever. Sure, I might buy a "piece" from a top designer's Parisian atelier (in my dreams, if I could actually afford it) but if I'm buying a £35 polyester work blouse from M&S I just can't fool myself I'm living the dream by referring to it as "a piece" that I'm going to "team with" "a statement trouser" and "a bold red lip"

Marks and spencer cafe, chicken and super greens soup…chicken and leek then?

Then you are dead to me. And I don't even want to hear about the oranges.

Absolutely page I drink no other kind.

Coffee

So long as that's not a dry-processed hand-roasted vintage Nicaraguan coffee displaying a mild, fruity brightness with tendencies to lower-toned sensations such as papaya/apricot and smoky chocolate rounded off with warming caramel notes, mind you

Page yeah it is. Or maybe its lactofree or something. In an artisinal cup.

xkcd.com/1774/ :)

A paper plate isn't on really - knowing they just throw it away afterwards isnt adding anything.
I know a lot of this sourcing they go on about is just a list on paper and rung through to a distributor to be delivered next week.
I am suspicious of anything 'home made' in pubs.

Fresh Bread.....Fresh Fruit....Fresh Milk what the actual fuck????
It's just bread fruit and milk you wankmuffins of course it's bloody fresh if it's not why are you selling stale rotten sour items?
Gahhhhhh

'A nude pump' is what happens when I remove DS' nappy after dinner page

I'm crying at this thread!

and all you passionate lot would do well to calm the fuck down is getting printed on tshirts mugs for distribution in my office...

What also pisses me off is when an establishment bigs up the artisan nonsense and charges a huge amount, and then serves you an eat-in order on a fuckin' paper plate.

If you've got time to source your Scandanavian chocolate bread and cut it into teeny slices while presenting it as a huge lump under the display dome and lovingly hand-chalk the enormous price of each teeny slice on the bit of slate propped up on a minature easel, then you've got time to wash a fucking china plate.

/still bitter

What is wanky to some is just detailed to others.

We use terms that are wanky as fuck but are actually just terms for specific things or doing things in a certain way.

yes, the no pound sign thing is a tad confusing.
I thought it was a mis print at first.
puts glasses on to read it - oh, thats the price then?
all adds to the 'experience' of being ripped off.

There's a whole shop full of such wankery in the centre of Durham. I can't help but smirk when I walk past.

Do they think that if they don't put the pound sign on the menus we won't think that £3.50 is quite a lot for chips hand cut skin on triple cooked heritage potato batons-- and we'll just hand our cards over to pay and not realise that it's real money we're spending

The work cafe has quinoa salad in a mason jar, and mason jars of 'freshly pressed carrot juice'. They also serve cartons of orange juice, and chicken Caesar salad in a plastic bowl.

Obviously when me and a colleague are ordering, we order 'normal salad' or 'wanky salad', and crap juice or wanky juice neither of which sound that appealing

I also hate 'loaded with', like jacket spuds or chips. Spud with cheese and beans seems to be relegated to the 90s. 8-hour baked Maris piper potato loaded with sour cream and whatever other pointless wankery has now taken over. Or loaded fries with an array of wankiness. It's chips with chilli and cheese. Not loaded fries.

oh and so agree with hand cut ciabatta

give me something that's been made by a nice, clean machine any day rather than a disillusioned, underpaid youth who was probably out on the piss last night and hasn't showered (*disclaimer I was once this youth so am allowed to stereotype)