Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

I bought some cat food a while ago that had Sea Buckthorn berries and courgettes in it. The cats thought it was wanky and wouldn't eat it.

Ruin the integrity of his craft
that one sentence has made my day.

I have to admit I will pay over the odds for a good latte in a nice cafe. It's my favourite way to escape the world for five minutes, or rather, to watch the world go by without having to DO anything. There are quite a few around me and I do prefer the coffee at one over the others.

UNTIL I went there with a friend who also lives locally. Said friend likes his coffee extra hot. However he had to ask for his coffee "above the normal temperature" as apparently the regular barista refused to make an "extra hot" flat white because it would, and I kid you not, "ruin the integrity of his craft".

I have stopped going since then, resigning myself to a slightly more bitter latte served by normal people. Albeit in a glass cup instead of a mug!

Unashamed placemark on wanky, oh so tiny chalkboard flag

Avocados are pretty wanky

Extra wanky points go to packaging that "chats" to you as if you are an old friend. Shampoo and cereal bars seem particularly prone to this.

Thats why i tip out the chips on to the plate/ board before they congeal onto the not grease paper paper they stuff in the wire basket.

I tell you what really annoys me ... fucking paper.

They serve you nice chips (or sweet potato fries, even better) and a nice burger, with no deconstructed wankery or flowerpot or hand cut bollocks, on a round white plate.

Hallelujah!

But partway through you realise they've put it on a pointless piece of not-quite-greaseproof paper which is now sodden with juices/sauce, and adhering to your food.

Artisan = wanky

I think "curated" first made me do this face in real life when Zane Lowe re-scored Drive (the Ryan Gosling film). I mean, it was a good film, and the music he "curated" went well with the film. But the combination of Zane Lowe and "curated" just

Everything having been fecking 'Curated'. No, you did not curate (whatever this has been erroneously applied to). You made a list or randomly chose some things/tat (yet more wankery) that you want to flog to me and have tried to make sound exclusive and desireable by dint of having been Curated. No. Just feck off.

If there is too much going on with the plate or bread board ( filled up with wire baskets jars of things, small saucers of things) i tend to just tip the french fries/ sweet potato fries or whatever out of the basket and put it on the table. frees up space for me to actually eat them - and realise i can actually count how many they have given me and realise it looked an awful lot more in the basket than it does on my bloody plate. Its a smoke and mirror tactic to make us think we have lots of food. I know their game.

Reminds me of this...

Chips served in little wire baskets , hugely wanky

I decided to order fries from Room service in Vietnam. The came in a lovely metal sculpture of a character riding a rickshaw bike. I thought it was charming (sorry!). I agree with the rest though no jamjars or slates thanks!

If someone wants to drink from a mason jar in the comfort and privacy of their own home, then I shall graciously pretend I don't know about it, even though it isn't for me. I have had a friend I know rave about them - the ones with lids - as it stops the kids from spilling drinks on their laptops.

BUT mason jars for salads, cake, whatever else - no, not anywhere. There is no point in a food container for non-liquid food that has a neck narrower than the body. If you must put solid food in jars, then at least shell out for Bonne Maman jars (you will have to eat a lot of posh jam, though I am betting it would still be cheaper than buying mason jars) as the necks are wider than the jar body, and you'd have a fighting chance of getting a spoon in there.

Oh, and cake pops. Essence of wank.

Wanky consultant-speak. "I want you to mock up a strawman" - a what? A specious argument to detract from your real point? A figurehead? Oh no, wait, you mean you want me to write a first draft.

Collateral = documents, as in "please bring all the relevant collateral to the meeting". It always makes me think of collateral damage.

This thread is a classic

I used to write the wanky copy for a wanky food business before I lost the will to live.

The I Saw You Coming sketches were an office favourite. I have hand-selected a lovingly crafted example here:

My SIL wrote on FB the other day that she was "wearing a Marc Jacobs lip and cheek" I wanted to tell her to give Marc his facial features back but she is American and wouldn't get the premise of finding things wank!

Well, it depends, Westfox if you live in a cardboard box under a flyover and you have nothing else to mix your beer/whiskey cocktails in - no. If you're doing this through conscious choice - yes.

Annie Yes. YES. And 'reclaimed' as in the wood from an old pallet you've made into a climbing frame for your ancient vinestock cuttings from which you intend to eventually produce your own wine.
And 'repurposed' which is another synonym for 'recycled'.

Heh to all of this. Harry Enfield was remarkably prescient:

Still laffing at "cheese theatre".

My local pub started doing those hanging kebabs, except they don't warn you they're hanging. My friend's face was a picture, when this 2 foot tall metal pole came to the table with meat swinging off it, that nearly hit her in the face. Why, just why? Nobody wants to be humiliated like that! These wankerish types must be having a laff at our expense!

Oh, and I think using inbox as a verb is wanky, as in, "Hey, inbox me!"