Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

GameofPhones

No, I mean how the hell are they getting people to actually pay those prices? If I could figure it out I'd be much better off! Although then I suppose I'd be a Wanky Person/hipster rather than merely a poor arty type... self-gentrification.

BBCNewsRave Part of the charge is surely just sheer brass neck?

1. vintage coffee = coffee you've forgotten to drink, now cold and needs microwaving.

1. Any M+S advert.

1. Leaving out the 'The' in car adverts. i.e. 'New Discovery storms through mud'

1. Mission statements.

1. Double wanky. Mission statements written in script so implying honesty/truth/sincerity.

1. Small posters on busses 'revised fares in operation.' No you mean increased.

CP

BBCNewsRave I guess they are charging for their time/labour.

BBCNewsRave maybe all this hipster malarky was caused by you!!

I once felt like a nice antipasto-type meal. Got some really nice bread, cold meats, cheeses and some balsamic vinegar. I don't like olive oil (as a dip!!), so that wasn't part of the meal.

My mum phoned. Asked what I was having for tea, so I told her. She said, in her broad northern accent, "You what? You're having a cheese and ham butty with vinegar??" Brilliant !

It all moves so quickly anyway - a few years ago I had my first drink served in a mason jar in Covent Garden - now you can buy them for 50p in Poundstretcher! The wankers really need to up their game .

somewhere My contribution is being served a cocktail in what I can only describe as a carrier bag.

I remember being served cheap takeaway drinks in plastic bags, in another country... it feels like the Wanky People (TM) just appropriate stuff. As shortsaint says:
it's pretension that's wanky.

I actually feel quite annoyed about being poor and making-do-and-mending, doing up old furniture etc, trying to make things beautiful, then some Wanky Person does the same and charges hundreds of pounds for "upcycling". And makes me look like a fellow Wanky Person (i'm poor, but with an RP accent, my appearance screams "hipster"!)
Actually I'm mainly annoyed that they get away with charging so much for stuff - I'd love to figure out how they do it!

Personally it's pretension that's wanky.

If the food / coffee tastes good, I have no problem.

It's when it's dressed up as something it really isn't where there is a problem.

I'm worried I may be a hipster.

My home is full off old furniture that's been done up. I own a chaise longue, lamps made out of interesting bottles, and patchwork cushions.

I even used to drink from jam jars, if there weren't enough glasses to go round at parties.

I'm hoping being genuinely poor redeems me.

Sadly I don't own this house, otherwise I could call it a bohemian artisan space, and sell it for millions...

This sort of stuff, mason jars. slates for plates etc, seems to have been going on for years, I couldn't be bothered getting worked up about it

Does anyone remember the Edinburgh estate agent that sold (frankly) 'grotty flats'? Hope they didn't go out of business...

What else where they proposing to fry food in?

This comes up every time someone complains about something being described as pan-fried. It's to distinguish it, as earlier posters said, from something deep-fried, and I can't think of a better way to describe something fried in a pan. It's just factual.

A google-earth-worthy geographical description of where the pig/duck/cow was reared: 'medallions of Amelia Park lamb with pan-fried Avon Valley pork liver' - I don't give a toss!

I do wonder what they'd write if the meat came from Croydon. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

There a few arty crafty type shops in town that people say ' how do they stay open'?
no bikes covered in flowers - yet.
The front for drugs could be a thing - a bit like the trainers hanging off the electricity wires that you see in random places. urban myth that this is the place to go to score, apparently , although i just wonder where the one footed person has gone!

That photo reminds me of the old NE joke: "shop in Boots, rummage around in Binns".

I have laughed so much at this thread and thanks for the I Saw You Coming videos, never seen those but Harry Enfield is spot on as usual.

My contribution is being served a cocktail in what I can only describe as a carrier bag. Not quite big enough for a full week's shopping but still not a bloody glass! Wankery at its very best .

Ah a Beamish tram !

I fucking HATE "shop" used a verb. As in "shop our new summer collection."
The word is "buy", or "browse" if you are being non-commital

Shop as a verb is nothing new.

Signature annoys me. Wanky when used in Sleb A's signature collection

What does it mean? We photocopied her signature and put it on the label? Somebody I know said their signature dish was lasagne. Utter wankery. I don't think Oooh Jemima's dish every time I eat one.

@splendide - I refuse to ask for anything apart from warm milk. If they say 'you mean a babyccino', I vomit quietly into my hand, and say 'no, I mean a warm milk. If you choose to make the milk frothy, fine. It's still warm milk'. Don't feel like a tit! Join the fight back against wankified children's drinks!

We have an 'I saw you coming shop' near us. It's right by the station, sells random old shite, and has twee hand written notices about the opening hours, of the ilk: 'closed Tuesday, as down the allotment!'

No one cares. Open the shop, or don't. I could give a fuck where you are. It sells old tin baths as 're-purposed planters'. For £45. Yeah.

Atelier - what is that? A fucking shop?

'Artisan' anything
Steampunk

I saw a van the other day with 'artisan plumbing' on the side.

That is my offering to the List of Wanky Things.

PageStillNotFound404

"""How do you eat a "famous hanging kebab"?
I'm picturing it as an elaborate Halloween game, where you have to try to grab a bite as it swings from the ceiling and if you don't get out of the way quickly enough, it twats you in the face and leaves grilled tomato in your hair."""

I'm picturing that as a sex game and the "hanging kabab" as a euphemism.

I'm glad that I can't afford to eat in these wanky places.